My parents never believed in spanking but my Dad was tough, one day my brother and I were slugging it out in the garage and Dad came up to us, picked us both up by the throat and clunked our heads together and threw us down and simply said 'don't ever do that again'. Stopped the fight cold and we NEVER thought of picking on the old man.
JW teaching aside, do you belive in spanking children?
by highdose 29 Replies latest jw friends
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darthfader
The challenge of physical parental discipline is that we must take “ourselves out of the act”. I mean that the physical act of spanking can easily be a release of anxiety for the adult as it is a correctional act for the child. Crossing that line is wrong - IMHO. My wife and I only spanked our children a few times (probably 10% of the time and if memory serves, we didn’t spank them after they were 4 years old) – the rest were composed of time outs, lost toys and groundings. We found out that these methods when applied consistently just worked better. Our kids were more receptive and were able to reason why things were done that way.
The one think we tried to do is allow the kids to be kids at home, but in public we expected a bit more from them. I remember a few times leaving the restaurant/grocery store/theater only to sit with my son in the car until he pulled himself together – we would go back in. I would never discipline my kids in public view.
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undercover
I'm torn on the subject of spanking. For the most part, I think discipline can be administered without ever raising a hand to a child. But I think in extreme cases a spanking can be effective...but it has to be done in a careful and planned out manner.
The problem with too many spankings is that it is done out of frustration and sometimes anger. That is going to send the exact opposite message to a child as they grow... it tells them that reacting with violence is acceptable.
Personally I think that if a parent has to resort to a spanking, then it should be held back from at that exact moment and it's done in private and it comes with a lecture and an explanation as to why this punishment is being used. No anger expressed, no frustration. Cool, matter-of-fact discussion of the issue. That sends the message that this is punishment...not an angry parent lashing out.
But from watching my extended family and friends who have raised kids, I see that the most mis-behaving kids are kids that were never properly disciplined to begin with. They're never given boundries...or worse yet, those boundries are always moving. One day you hit your sister and nobody does anything. The next day you hit her and get jackslapped by an adult. One set of parents in my family only discipline when they're in the company of others. When not beinig observed (or so they think) their kids run wild. So when these kids run wild around grandparents, they're getting fussed at non-stop. Bad parenting that is resulting in terrible kids. I can see it coming. When these kids hit teenage years it's going to be one drama after another. By then spanking is a waste of time. And if it really gets out of hand, they may see the punishment come in the form of juvey jail or worse.
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wasblind
I'm gonna play Doctor and write a prescription
Rx: Whoop Ass as needed
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cyberjesus
Do not hit someone who can not defend himself. Hitting someone to "teach them" is as primitive as the people in the bible.
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brizzzy
Um, if your child is committing arson, torturing animals, and attempting to murder his grandfather, then he's got deep mental issues far beyond anything a spanking will help. That kid needs serious therapy and likely medication. It pisses me off that that mother is just sitting around wringing her hands, going, "what shall I doooooo? The naughty step doesn't work!!!" Bitch, get him psychological help! If ADHD drugs aren't working - here's a thought - maybe it's not ADHD, but something else. Gah.
As for what I think of spanking, I generally believe that it's wrong and there aren't any circumstances that warrant it that couldn't effectively be addressed by other, more positive means. I was still being stripped naked and spanked (more whipped, actually) up to age 18 when I moved out, and beaten if I resisted. It was humiliating and if anything, just reinforced my private desire to escape. Fear and pain only made me secretly resentful. If I ever have children, I hope that I'm able to teach them to understand why a behavior is undesirable rather than teach them to fear me. I think that "this is why it's wrong, and here are the inevitable negative consequences, but here is also the flip side, the positive outcome if you choose more constructive actions in the future" is a better approach than teaching a child to fear me because I'll hit them if they do something I don't like.
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wasblind
I'm primitive
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Twitch
"The beatings will continue until moral improves" ;)
If I had children, I wouldn't spank them, I just couldn't see me doing it. I was on the receiving end as a kid and it taught me things that were not intended I'm sure.
There are other forms of deterence and/or punishment for children that are less medieval.
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straightshooter
My dad, a non-jw, spanked us kids as the punishment. I believe in spanking under the rare occasion that nothing else works in correcting the situation, such as talking to the child or placing them on restriction. Also it depends on the age of the child, is the child old enough to reason. It would not be right to spank a baby. For example, with my first child, the elder conducting the Book Study told me to take my 1 year old son outside and spank him for making noise. Not thinking for myself, I followed the direction of the elder. Afterwards I thought how terrible it was and it just tore me up inside. I never trusted the direction of that elder ever again.
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miseryloveselders
I kind of look back on my whoopins as a rite of passage. I remember one time as a kid, my dad was furious about something I did that I'd rather not relate on here. At any rate, the only thing I remember was him coming for me, and then, the entire room was upside down. The carpet was where the ceiling should have been and the ceiling was where the floor should have been. The whole time he was holding me in the air by the ankle and spanking me with a belt in his other hand. He lit me up that day. The last time he spanked me was somewhat funny. He took the belt and did his thing, and I just looked at him stoically. It didn't hurt, I wasn't in fear, I was kinda numb to the whole thing. Him and I both look back and laugh on it now. Thats when he had to switch it up and put me on room restriction or take the Nintendo away from me. Taking the Nintendo away really hurt.
I guess there's a fine line between abuse and discipline. I don't believe I was abused, although I concede maybe my discipline could have been meted out better.