Omigosh. I simply cannot imagine my life without my children, right now (may you all have peace!). My husband and I once talked about "needing" other people. His philosophy at the time (when we were "dating") is that he didn't "need" anyone, people shouldn't need anyone. While I understood this proclamation of self-sufficiency, I had to confess to him that I certainly needed at least a couple of people: my children. Thinking that he was going to set me straight on the matter, he asked me, "What do you need them for?" It took me only a few seconds to know: I told him that I needed them to breathe.
He was confused for a second... and so was I: where did THAT answer come from? I really didn't quite know what I meant. And then I did and I told him: I needed them to breathe. Because if anything happened to them... I would stop breathing. My heart would break SO much... that it would take me years, if ever, to learn to breathe... fully... again.
I did tell him that, yes, I knew I WOULD learn to breathe again, but the pain that my body and spirit would experience in the meantime... while learning... would be almost unbearable... and it would take some time... years. Perhaps decades.
I meant that then... and I mean it now: for me, my two children are at least two things that are right with this world... in the face of all that is wrong with it. And so, I live for them... and because of them... by the grace of God and Christ. And very gladly so. They were and are my motivation and my inspiration... for everything good that I do, including but not limited to trying to look for God. I wanted THEM to know Him... and be known by Him... and so I had to find Him... be found BY Him... for THEIR sakes.
Would have I lived/survived had I never had them? Of course, I would have. And it pretty much would have been about me... and that's okay, too. But I did have them and now that they are here, now that they HAVE come into the world... the world will NEVER be the same for me... without them. Either one of them. Ever.
And every single person here who has children understand this truth. Because unlike a spouse, a parent, or a sibling... a child IS you.. You... in yet another body. It's the closest thing you can get to a clone.
If one doesn't like one's children, one might start by looking at oneself first. Because one's child is usually a reflection of all that is good about one... and well as all that is bad about one. It is only after one looks at oneself, however, that one can know that child, indeed understand him/her, so as to know, definitively, whether the child is TRULY a "bad seed."
Again, I bid you all peace.
A slave of Christ,
SA