Churchill ordered UFO cover-up, don't pee in yer pants WAC

by Dogpatch 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • ziddina
    ziddina

    ""The reason apparently was because Churchill believed it would cause mass panic and it would shatter people's religious views." ..."

    I hate to be cynical, but...

    I suspect that when astronomers develop methods to accurately detect Class "M" planets, religious people will do what they've ALWAYS done - co-opt the new discoveries for 'their' "god(s)"...

    I can see it now...

    (Young Ministerial Servant running into dilapidated old Kingdom Hall - things haven't been the same since the 23,000-name-pedophile files were made public... He stops, looks around wild-eyed, and then spots Elder Retrogress, huddled in the KH library with a stack of 'kiddie' porn at his feet...)

    "Elder Retrogress!! Elder Retrogress!! They've FOUND them!!! They've FOUND an Earth-like planet!!!"

    (Elder Retrogress starts in alarm and hurriedly stuffs the porn into his tattered JW briefcase...)

    "What? What are you talking about, Brother Naive??" A look of disapproving concern crosses his face. "Have you been doing research again, Brother Naive??"

    (Brother Naive jumps up and down like a kangaroo rat in his excitement...) "Another Earth-type planet!! In a nearby solar system!!" He stops dead still and looks at Elder Retrogress in dawning horror, realizing what this could mean...

    "They -- they say there's life on the planet... They can see high levels of oxygen, carbon dioxide, even methane and possibly some vegetation..." His voice trails off...

    (Elder Retrogress frowns in concentration - how can this be explained in Watchtower terms???) "Well, Brother Naive, we can only assume that Jehovah, in his infinite wisdom, prepared a SECOND planet for his divinely-approved people to go to, when THIS planet is destroyed!!! That means we WON'T have to clean up all those dead bodies after Armageddon!!"

    (Brother Naive looks nervously at Elder Retrogress...) "Er, aren't you running ahead of the Watchtower Organization??? Aren't we supposed to "wait upon Jehovah" until his "faithful and discreet slave" informs us of changes in biblical prophecy??"

    Elder Retrogress looks blankly at Brother Naive, then replies, "Oh, I'm sure that the Governing Body guy will get around to it, eventually! In the meantime, we must contact all the local brothers and sisters and tell them the good news! Jehovah is going to give his faithful followers a NEW planet!!"

    Brother Naive pulls out the thin booklet containing the names of the currently active JWs and starts calling. After he's called all 12 of them, he looks at Elder Retrogress, who is just getting off the Dell 2030 "Theocratic" computer especially approved just for JWs, with a direct link to the "Watchtower" Internet - only Watchtower-approved content allowed!!

    "So, did you talk to the Governing Body guy?", Brother Naive asks Elder Retrogress.

    "Yeah, I spoke to him, " replied Elder Retrogress. "He listened to my comments, forgave me for 'running ahead' of him - er, the 'organization' - and came out with some 'new light', that shows us how wonderful Jehovah is, because He's providing this new planet for us, his loyal followers!!"

    A confused look crosses Brother Naive's face... "But isn't that what you just came up wi - ... ?? Oh, never mind. So, did he send us new tracts to place with people?"

    Elder Retrogress smiled expansively. "We'll get the tracts as soon as he's through writing the - er, as soon as the Holy Spirit has finished inspiring him. ..." Elder Retrogress looked at the dismayed expression on Brother Naive's face, and patted him on the shoulder.

    "Don't worry, Brother Naive, Jehovah has brought out this 'new light' to alert us that there's almost NO time left before Armageddon hits!! It's RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER - AGAIN!!!"

    Brother Naive nodded uncomfortably, and grabbed the broom in the corner. Better have the Kingdom Hall clean, if there was going to be a meeting that week!!

    *** Fin ***

    Zid

  • ziddina
    ziddina

    Crap, I forgot to 'write in' the aliens...

    Something about "Jehovah's" loving provision in opening up a new field of service, for JWs to witness to - and the scripture that says "This good news shall be preached in all the world, and then the end will come..." will be carefully 're-translated', after prayerful study and meditation upon the most recent translations from the original Greek, of course, to read:

    "And this good news shall be preached in all the known universe, and then the end will come..."

    With the usual accompanying blather about how 'loving' "Jehovah" is, to hold off destroying everyone at Armageddon so that all can see the extent of his creative power, in creating intelligent life on other planets so that they ALSO canlearn about and then 'praise the name of "Jehovah"...'

    Bleah...

  • Dogpatch
    Dogpatch

    With the usual accompanying blather about how 'loving' "Jehovah" is, to hold off destroying everyone at Armageddon so that all can see the extent of his creative power, in creating intelligent life on other planets so that they ALSO canlearn about and then 'praise the name of "Jehovah"...'

    Yeah, can't you just feel the mountain of manure (oops, I meant to say cognitive dissonance) that people invent to hold on to their cherished but necessary illusions about life, in spite of all evidence to the contrary. Occam's Razor, baby! One must leave the carnival with one's mind intact! :-))

    Randy

  • Dogpatch
    Dogpatch

    Refried sez,

    If alien beings were so advanced that they could navigate to earth from systems light years away ( so they would be able to break the cosmic speed limit of lightspeed OR be interdimensional ?)

    It is plausible that they would f**k up and crash do stupid prank enigmas like crop circles or fly around like drunks with fancy flashing lights or crash?

    What's up with them getting shot down with crude WW2 50 cal machine guns at Roswell.

    Wow, that was pretty funny! It seems to me I remember a couple of B SciFi movies with this theme. :-)) and foxy girls as well.

    It seems that Sci-Fi has progressed from glorifying pure logic as the being of the future (Spock) to predatory creatures like we have on earth that are very intelligent but are still bizarrely following their own mythologies to support their self-serving egotistical goals (a la Battlestar Galactica, where robots more intelligent than humans believe in gods or even a monotheistic God, though much different than ours). And they smoke cigarettes and have sex! with Tricia Helfer!!

    I am more inclined to believe that an alien would be more like the latter. Every predatory animal on earth relies on deception, obfuscation and sneaking pleasure when possible if no one is watching. It's the only way to be on top! The dweebs of the animal world get eaten, not saved.

    Dogz

  • kurtbethel
    kurtbethel

    The people who run things on earth would either capture some of them and reverse engineer the technology, or would somehow get them as hostages to use as leverage to exploit them and exploit in any way possible whatever power and resources there were to be found. You can bank on that.

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