I would say if you are going to bring up specifics like brotherdan says, have some written material to back it up waiting in the car or something, but maintain complete credibility at all times.
How to have "The Talk" with my nephew
by serenitynow! 15 Replies latest jw friends
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cult classic
I think it is ok to talk about what defines a cult. You may find you can tell him outright the religion is a cult. But if he seems very supportive of the witnesses then I would just talk about the definition and characteristics of a cult and maybe ask him if he sees any of that in the witnesses or any religion he might be interested in.
"The biggest thing for me to find out is how much they manipulate people; how they change literature, discourage thinking, and control all information."
Here is where I would tread lightly. Just make sure you don't come across as attacking the witnesses. Because you love him you're gonna be tempted to warn him of all the dangers of the religion. But as things come up in conversation over time you'll be able to point out these things out.
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I quit!
My only question is that if you talk to him will it create any problems between you and your family if starts questioning the organization?
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jwfacts
Is it okay to use the "c" word?
I would not risk upsetting him at the moment, not until you are sure he is completely over the religion. So as not to risk being labelled and shunned as apostate just ask questions.
For example, find out how he feels about other religions. What does he think of Mormons? If their thinking is so strange how come their followers believe it. There is a great southpark clip on Mormons at http://vimeo.com/974787 and an excellent conclusion. That can lead into how religion is a matter of where you are born, not whether or not it is true. Hopefully that will open him up to a discussion.
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Aussie Oz
stay away from the word 'cult'. it may well trigger big flashing lights and kill any hope you have of being believed.
i have a 16 yr old son who does not live with me and i am working on the same thing. There is so much i want to tell him but i wont.
My method is to get him to think for himself, to raise questions for him to answer. To draw out what he really thinks of the witnesses and focus on the things he does not believe. At the moment he does not think all worldly people are bad, does not think shunning is right. He is aware that he should not be on facebook but asked me to set one up for him. He has a worldy girlfried that i encourage. He knows i dont think it is the 'truth'.
It as all so slowly done though! Frankly it scares me that he is ripe for baptism pressure at that age, so i may have to ramp it up a little...
tread softly softly and sow seads of doubt
oz
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Hadit
I am in the same situation except it's my son and he is 16 as well. His dad is still in and I'm trying to help my son see. I am in agreement with Oz and jwfacts. I would not get into the cult stuff, at least not yet. Only over time. I am slowly and methodically planting little seeds of doubt "do you think it's loving when . . . do you agree with . . . what is your opinion on . . ." Not usually referencing the WTS but I know he makes the connection. Like Oz I am also trying to get him to think. I have repeatedly been pointing out how gullible people can be and then saying "whenever you read something or hear something - NEVER automatically believe it - use your mind and your own filters to see if it makes sense and look around you to see if it is true in the real world." I desperately want him to think for himself.
I'm also subtly encouraging him to make friends who are not witnesses. I've put him in music camps/football and encouraged him to keep in touch with the kids. This way he sees for himself that other kids are not Satan and that there are great and caring people outside of the org. I think it can be a scary thought for teenagers to think that if they leave there will be no one as they are all Satanic and that they will be alone. This type of thinking forces them to want to stay. If he sees options then it looks more appealing. Kids need appealing - especially teenagers!
Another thing I have done is I've went to his principal and explained that I've just left a cult and that my son is still in and is there any help I could get through the school or his curriculum that would help him in his critical thinking skills. I've also talked to a few parents from his music camp and told them what is going on. Everyone is willing to help out. So much for the unloving worldly people! Such BS. Outside help is good because sometimes comments from others are taken easier than from a parent. Especially a parent who has been flagged as an apostate.
Whew! I'm sorry - this ended up being really long. I hope it helps. You sound like an awesome aunt! Your nephew is lucky to have you. And way to go on paying for his college! Commendable.
I wish you and your family all the best! Good luck