Notes from my Judicial Committee (I was DF'ed at the end)

by notverylikely 71 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  undercover

  Thanks for sharing NVL...

  Interesting about the Roman armies. I've never thought about that. Research time...from the Devil's secular sources, of course...
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  NiceDream

  Thank you for sharing, you're brave for sharing what you know with them. I'll have to research the third heaven now too.
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  cantleave

  Thanks for sharing - I've decided that I won't ever play their game by attending a JC - I think as an ex-elder they won't even give me the chance to speak.
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  Lozhasleft

  NVL - I think you handled that with great skill and dignity - good on you! I'm glad you're sleeping well and feeling ok, but bear in mind that however its done and we cope with it, their disfellowshipping methods are inhumane and a disgrace and moreover a personal rejection so dont be surprised if you feel a backlash...Hugs to you..

  Loz x
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  sherah

  Thanks for sharing your JC experience. You discussed some interesting points. Maybe you opened a few minds on your committee tho not your goal. I'm glad that you are free, enjoy living life!
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  cattails

  Notvery,

  I did not like reading your post. I did not like what you did. I don't know you but you know you did a morally wrong thing.

  And... disagreeing with the WTS isn't an excuse to cheat on your wife. I'm sorry for your situation, but you made your other bed and slept in it.

  I feel awkward being judgmental, but I don't think the elders in the JC should have cried and hugged you, you did the nasty and deserved the kicking in the butt for it.

  If someone reconnects with a Facebook friend who was an old flame and suddenly the WTS is a liar... well the WTS has always been a liar, and maybe working on a hobby car in the garage may have given one jollies enough to empty out the anger at the cult rather than victimize someone who shared vows of love and caring with. Hypothetically speaking even if this isn't your case I'm just trying to make a point. Please understand that I agree you have a right to make a mess out of your own life, but I think by doing what you did you made a mess of your wife's life too, and this may be real tough for her to forgive or forget.

  You were victimized by the WTS and it's control over your life, and you took it out on your wife by making her the victim in your betrayal of her trust and the promise of sharing your lives with one another.

  All right, I don't want to go on, I don't care if I get crucified for telling you what I just wrote, I think you agree that it wasn't pretty and I can't find any sympathy for what you did. If the elders hugged you after DF'ing you, shame on the hypocrites, they should have more respect and brotherly love for the wife you left.

  I said my peace.

  Cats.
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  undercover

  Cattails,

  I won't defend NVL...that's his business. But I will add my reactive thoughts to your post.

  You're right of course about cheating on your spouse; it's morally wrong. What we don't know are all the details leading up to the actual act of adultery. Many of the details were not shared with us.

  The reason I mention this is because I know someone personally who went through a similar ordeal. This person cheated on their spouse...but before the actual cheating occured there were many, many issues between them as a married couple. The marriage was basically already over, but because of WT rules about seperation and divorce, there was never going to be resolving the break-up as long as one of the partners remained tied to the WTS.

  In the end, the now enlightened, soon-to-be ex-JW who felt trapped, not only in a false religion, but in a bad marriage, took the only way out that they knew would work for all interested parties.

  Yes, it was wrong and that person admitted it as well after the fact...and to the elders during their JC meeting.

  I was not happy with how they went about it and I said as much to them...before the actual act occured even. I preferred that they take a higher road...but in the end it wasn't my marriage, it wasn't me trapped.

  Looking back on this person's situation, I can say that after some time has gone by and we can look back on it, the divorce was the best thing to happen to both of them. If only they had been allowed to view that as an option under WT rules, then maybe the cheating partner wouldn't have felt the need to resort to such measures in order to find freedom.

  I'm not trying to belittle your feelings or your perspective. Your thoughts/feelings are worthy and justified. I just wanted to add a perspective from another angle. The WT rules on divorce actually create fertile grounds for adultery when problems arise in the marriage and there can be no way to dissolve the bonds so each can go their seperate ways after they know they can't stay together.
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  CuriousButterfly

  I can see CatTails point of view but there is always more to the story and Undercover you brought up some very good points. I try not to judge people, because I cannot walk in their shoes.
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  Found Sheep

  Same with me. If I knew what I know now I would have divorced my ex years and years ago. I asked for a divorce, told him what he needed to change but after years I felt the only way out was to have an affair. I am not the "cheating" type and it has taken a lot for me to forgive me. The divorce though was the best thing I have done for myself. I've learned a lot about judging others cuz before my experiance I felt there was never a reason to cheat and all cheaters were forever bad. Life teaches us all. I was only publicly reproved "humiliated" the congregation treated me life crap just drilling in how wicked I already felt about myself... I guess the good thing is that reaction made me start to think and do reasearch on the religion and now I feel 99% free from them and the guilt and shame.
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  fokyc

  Many thanks for sharing your experience, it is very thought provoking!