Why DO Horrible Things Happen, Anyway?

by Farkel 35 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Heaven
    Heaven

    SHIT HAPPENS in various professions
    ------------------------

    Mathematician: Shit happening is just a special case...

    Statistician: There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe.

    Physicist (Theoretical) : Shit SHOULD happen.

    Physicist (Experimental) : To within experimental error, shit DID happen.

    Engineer: I hope this shit holds together.

    Chemist: I hope this shit doesn't blow up.
    Gee, what'll happen if I mix this and ... SHIT!!!!
    Damn this shit smells...

    Biologist: Is this shit alive?

    Botanist: What this daisy needs is some fresh shit.

    Economist: I hope no one figures out that I don't really understand this shit.

    Bureauocrat: I'm sorry, but we can't make this shit happen until you fill out form XJ-314159 to make an appointment with our Assistant Sub-Deputy Manager to obtain form ZN-271828...

    CEO: (1980's) I've got all the shit I want.
    (1990's) Oooh, SHIT!

    Lawyer: For a sufficient fee, I can get you out of ANY shit.

    Doctor: Take two shits and call me in the morning.
    Yes, it's definitely a case of shit happening. $90, please...

    Acupuncturist: Hold still or it will hurt like shit.
    Let all that shit go.
    This will really get the energy shit moving.

    Surgeon: Shit, where's this organ supposed to go?

    Psychologist: Shit is in your mind.
    Everything that happens is shit; some of it is just repressing its subconscious shittiness.

    Programmer: It's shit, but at least it compiles.

    Social Scientist: Let's pretend that shit doesn't happen...

    Historian: The same shit happens again and again.

    Politician: It's shit, but it'll get me elected.
    If you elect me, shit will never again happen.
    Shit happening is bad for the economy.
    My Fellow Americans, All I stand for is shit.

    Waitress: You want fries with that shit?

    Teacher: Repeat after me: one shit + one shit =?

    Dean: Let's see how much shit the faculty'll take.

    Accountant: Why doesn't this shit add up?

    Linguist: What I'm doing is a bunch of feces tauri.
    (For non-Latin-speakers: feces tauri=the excrement of a bull)

    Quality Control Inspector: This shit ain't good enough.

    IRS Auditor: I'll make 'em squirm for putting this shit on their tax forms.

    Farmer: I get subsidies for my shit.

    Union leader: Give us more shit or we'll strike.

    Mafia boss: Rub the little shits out.

    NYC Cab Driver: Damn, looks like I hit that shit...

    Mechanic: Shit...this will cost a lot, mister.

    Chef: It needs some more of this green shit.

    Musician: This shit is out of tune.

    Artist: If Jesse Helms likes it, it is shit.
    Shit, I wish I thought of that.
    Anything you can buy for $2.99 isn't art, it's shit.

    Poet: My childhood was shit, let me share.
    Ode to a Grecian Shit.
    My love is like a red, red shit.
    ... and miles to go before I shit, and miles to go before I
    shit...

    Developer: Shit happens on a daily basis, that's why we have maintainance programmers.

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    What a wonderful word!

    SHIT

    sometimes, no other word can convey the sense intended

    oz

  • thenoblelodge
    thenoblelodge

    OK I'm gonna have to read this after, I'm still recovering from the last list.

  • Cook My Socks UK
    Cook My Socks UK

    loz,

    :Farkel - I know of some people I could send round to knock on your door and help you answer those very questions !!

    Obviously, you don't know much about me! I could have any dub, MS, PO, DO or GB member drooling all over themselves in a few minutes. I am one of the worst, if not THE worst apostates-from-hell, with the knowledge and logic and words to make any dub wish they never came anywhere near me. I don't do many things well, but one of the things I'm pretty darn good at doing is destroying WT doctrine myths, fallacies and reducing crusading dubs into crybabies who are cornered without any arguments left to hurl back except personal insul

    And your motive in doing that, would it be for the good of the person or for personal satisfaction?

    Out of interest.

  • AGuest
    AGuest

    Greetings all, and may you have peace!

    I don't want to be the one throw feces on other's feces (yeah, I could write sh*t, but I don't wanna give anyone a heart attack - "OMG, Shelby wrote sh*t???" Yeah, it's just a word, but since I'm not looking to "stumble" anyone...)... BUT I feel the need to point out the difference in "sight" between some of us. As follows:

    "A little girl is holding her teddy bear and as a coincidence is tragically on that same street when a bunch of gang-bangers decide to stage a gun fight because someone looked cross-eyed at one of their girl friends (you may insert any other bullshit reason here)..."

    I realize that people usually write from what they KNOW... but I think the choice of scenarios is suspect. Little girls get killed by WAY more than gang-banger bullets. For example, AK-47s. And bombs. Grenades. Missiles. Hunger (NOT due to famine). Disease (due to lack of medicines, although such are readily available, but too expensive for HER). In fact, MORE little girls get killed/die this way. Why not use that scenario? Oh, and the feces tauri would be that her country leaders (who are men) are not REALLY corrupt (well, not as long as their "our" allies) and her former country leader (oh, oops, man again) was thought to have WMDs... but he didn't really (and "we" knew that but since "we" are the "king of the world" we decided to overstep world policy in order to "help" her get from under his control... because "it was the right thing to do!"... oh, and we wanted a presence in her Country because "we" can't having someone like her former leader trying to control the region's supply of oil because "we" need it more than "they" do...)

    so they start shooting (and launching missiles, droppings bombs, throwing grenades, and detonating other similar "stuff") and the little girl is shot/blown up and killed because she is innocently in their (and "our") cross-fire. (Happens every day all over the world, but we should never get used to it or develop mental calluses) When captured and arrested, the (insurgents/soldiers)say "We were doing it for Allah/God/our Country" and so snuffingout the life of that little girl is merely a "casualty of war". Too little, too late and they won't stand trial, at least, not one by their own peers but (Why would you expect any different? Man LOVES to dominate man... even if it means killing the innocent. Hang out in a war zone for a few days, homey... or just watch the world news from time to time. Happens in every neighborhood, except, of course the more affluent in "our" Country...)

    what's the point? The point is, God is where He is SUPPOSED to be during these times: "with" His people. Which is exactly where He said He WOULD be. But what about their gods? And "science"? Because that really is the question, isn't it? Why don't their gods step up and/or why doesn't "science", which created the "weapons" used to do all of this harm create something to UNDO it? Stop it, even? Hey, PREVENT it? Oh, but that's right - it's not the weapons, is it, no, it's the PEOPLE who use the weapons... both offensively and defensively.

    Is God so uncaring that he would let his children, he very own creation, die for bullshit reasons? And the answer is, of course not, because HIS children, HIS very own creation... stay out of it... which they do because the One He sent to teach THEM... SAYS to stay out of it. However, the OTHER "gods"... including "science" (i.e., weapons/war technology)... don't seem to be as "caring"... for they both send their "children" OFF to war... sacrificing them for the sake of... THEIR "king"...

    The obvious answer is "yes." Obvious to those who ignore Him... and the One He sent and what that One had to say and still says, yes... but, well, of course... because who would make themselves otherwise "obvious" to someone who thumbs their nose at THEM (and, c'mon, don't lie - you wouldn't, either). What kind of a Father, nay, what kind of a CREATOR is that, I ask? (Obviously, the kind that keeps HIS word... to those who HEAR it... those who LISTEN... to His Word. The proof is He lets this stuff happen all the time, yearly, monthly, daily, minute-by-minute; he lets this stuff happen in every corner of the world, in every Country, every province and He has let this stuff happen since humans became humans. Indeed, their gods and their science does... foments it, actually. Teaches it... pushes it... REQUIRES it. Unlike the TRUE God, the Most Holy One of Israel, who, as ANY father... after TRYING to tell his hard-headed child what will occur if that child continues on her bad course... CHOOSES that course... says to that child, "Well, okay, yes, child, you ARE grown... and so, you're right, I can no longer tell you what to do and I won't MAKE you do anything you don't WANT to do... however, it will not only go bad for you... but for your children... do you REALLY want that?" to which such child SAYS... or DEMONSTRATES by her choices/actions... that yep, that's exactly what she wants... says, "Well, then, child, it IS your life, after all... so live it as YOU wish." (Why did you capitalize Country? This invokes suspicion... better yet,why did you use this scenario, as it invokes even more suspicion.)

    Dominating man is dominating man. Returning evil for evil is returning evil for evil. And war... is war. Doesn't matter if it happens on a global scale... in a global region... within a country... or neighborhood... on the block... or in one house.

    It IS curious, though, that according to man it apparently depends on the circumstance. One alone cannot seek vengeance for the murder of one's loved one. And one alone cannot go against the house of a neighbor even if that neighbor attacked his house. Because THAT would be "vigilante" justice... and against the "king's" law. Which law makes sense. BUT... one can seek vengeance against the "king's" enemies... or even against someone who has actually done nothing against the "king" himself... but so long as it's for the "king's" own purposes, that's okay. Even if it's against GOD'S law. Because, THEN it's patriotism... and since the "king" really IS "higher" than God Himself, who in the world is one to disregard the "king"?

    Whole lot of blind hypocrisy goin' on. Whole LOT of it.

    But, of course, I don't expect everyone to "see" that...

    Again, peace to you all... in the way my Lord gives it... because there is NO way the world knows how to give it.

    A slave of Christ,

    SA

  • Terry
    Terry

    Only possible things happen.

    Bad things are possible.

    Smart people don't drive drunk.

    Dumb, irresponsible drunks drive drunk.

    The tee-totaler who values life and doesn't drive drunk gets killed in a car crash by---guess who?

    Bad things are possible. Bad things happen.

    Nobody is in charge of the universe to make certain life is fair, just, balanced and true.

    No better refutation for an Almighty God interested in humanity.

  • chickpea
    chickpea
    Terry: Bad things are possible. Bad things happen.
    Nobody is in charge of the universe to make certain life is fair, just, balanced and true.

    no shit!!!

  • AGuest
    AGuest
    Nobody is in charge of the universe to make certain life is fair, just, balanced and true.

    In the universe, perhaps not, dear Terry (peace to you!)... although I would say the "balance" is covered. As for the others, however, I would say that WE are "in charge", each and every human being... but that, sadly, WE have fallen down on the job, not God. And we continue to do so. We COULD have a fair, just, balanced, and true existence... were it not for "us." We, therefore, are sometimes our own worst enemy.

    I bid you peace.

    A slave of Christ,

    SA

  • Dogpatch
    Dogpatch

    Marcus, that was classic. I love hanging with Jews (except, perhaps, the Hasidim).

    If it wasn't for the chit they endure from others, I would like to be raised in a Jewish home. Will anyone adopt me at 58?

    Frakel: Are you going to have fun this weekend?

    CogDis: No, I am very much a born again believer in Jesus. I will never renounce what I consider to be the core of my life.

    It's the 66 books voted on by men as if they were meant to be coherent and consistent on wednesday board meetings that piss me off sometimes.

    I tried agnosticism once, and it didn't take.

    Randy

  • SixofNine

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