Sleaze Update...

by White Dove 209 Replies latest social relationships

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  cognizant dissident

  Twitch:

  An interesting post. The question it brings to mind for me is, perhaps it is wise for us to examine the "strings" we wish to attach to the opposite sex whether man or woman? If we find a person attractive and we say so, and we let them know we would like to have sex with them, why does there have to be any strings? Do we feel we have some sort of rights or claims on them? Why? Why is the beauty of the sexual attraction and sex act between a man and a woman not enough in and of itself?

  If we are the type of person who wants a commitment of exclusivity from the opposite sex before we engage in sex (for whatever reason), I'm not saying that is wrong. That is just our string we want to attach. And that is fine as long as the other person doesn't mind being attached. But why get so angry at them if they don't want the string attached to them? Why call them names like sleazy or immoral? (not saying you did, but just putting general questions out there for everyone to consider)
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  VampireDCLXV

  Might I kindly point out to folks here that none of us were there except WD and the, er, creep. Can't we simply trust the poor woman's judgement and leave it at that? She's not some silly teenybopper anymore. Geez...

  V665
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  Twitch

  Well, I don't mean to be mean or rain on White Dove's parade of feeling good about avoiding what may be a "loser" but I will say there's reasonable doubt (based on her side of the story, which is the only side available) and it is more a matter of what she perceives and wants i.e. relationship. Everyone judges to some degree about many things on a daily basis and sometimes we have to "size" up people pretty fast without the luxury of many interactions or history on the person. I'm all for gut feelings and instincts and the ability to see where someone is coming from, it's a skill that takes time and experience to develop. It isn't always right either; people's bias, history and mood can influence a take on someone. But really, even if all the guy wanted was a romp, so freakin' what? That ain't a crime and is certainly something that goes both ways. I have had a few women hit on me for what's obviously nothing more than a shag. I've always felt a bit flattered, even if they're less than desirable but I don't slag them for that; it's a compliment and should be taken as such. Doesn't mean I'm obligated or anything and I stick to my guns in that I ensure they know it ain't gonna happen. End of story. That's just me and me 2 cents.
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  Twitch

  She wants to keep the thread going, hey, I'm just obliging. Opinions, my friend, opinions.
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  VampireDCLXV
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  cognizant dissident

  If you put stuff like this up on a public discussion forum it is presumed you want public discussion.
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  VampireDCLXV

  Sure. Discussion. I thought that was supposed to mean calmly talking things over, not to bicker childishly. But whatever game y'all wanna play...

  V665
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  Twitch

  lol

  It seems you're the one getting bothered here, no?

  You can tell me to put a sock in it like you did the other poster if it make ya feel better
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  VampireDCLXV

  Who's getting hot and bothered? I'm just having fun here...

  V665
• 

  cognizant dissident

  I wasn't intending to bicker childishly. My question to White Dove was very sincere and based upon experiences I've had with women who have been abused or in bad relationships and then tend to see all men through that filter. I used to view men through the same filter. Always looking for the potential abuser. I had to learn to undo this conditioning as it was leading me to unfairly characterize all men instead of getting to know them for who THEY were. You cannot have a close intimate relationship with someone if you start out by projecting your mistrust on them from the outset. Granted it does protect us, but it also puts up barriers to intimacy. The barriers must come down before we can get close to someone.

  White Dove herself has characterized herself in other threads as someone who always has her shields up, who doesn't trust easily, who shoots men down before they get a chance to hurt her. I'm recognizing a pattern there. A true friend does not always tell you what you want to hear. If they see a pattern that is self-defeating in some way, they point it out.

  My posts to TWITCH were also sincere discussion about the expectations that men and women unfairly place on one another. These topics have always been of particular interest to me and that's why I continue to comment on this thread.