When you realized that it was all a lie.. how did you cope?

by stuckinamovement 62 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  stuckinamovement

  I realized about a year ago after much lurking here, that the truth was in fact a lie. It rocked me to my core to come to the understanding that everything that I have been taught, believed in and taught people myself was in fact not true. When you are a born in like myself, the teachings of the WTS become all you know. It influences the way you look at life and the way you view people.

  As a JW you learn quickly that this world is doomed, that its not worth the effort to become educated, that you can never do enough for Jehovah's org, that all worldy people are immoral and controlled by Satan, that all other knowledge is false, that working hard for your family is not something that gains god's approval.

  I also was taught that Jw's are the happiest people on earth, we have more friends than anyone else, that faith and prayer and service will cure everything from depression to a broken leg.

  So I grew up believing all of this. Now that I know this is all crap, I find myself analyzing life, and am depressed to see what I found out about myself. I realized that I have no friends, because the people we were taught are true friends are simply other drones, who will sell you out and abandon you if you discuss any doubts. They are merely acquaintances, conditional at that. I realized that I view all people with a measure of distrust and skepticism, because I have been taught that they are immoral and controlled by Satan. I realized that I never really learned how to plan for the future, because I was taught that I didn't have to. I realized that I have an attitude to wards higher education because "it's not worth anything".

  So many nights I lie awake in bed next to my dear wife, and think about how I have wasted the best years of my life working for something that is not real. Yet the frustrating thing is that I find myself thinking how this facade of a belief is better than no belief at all.

  The best analogy that I can think of to describe this is..

  Imagine that you are happily driving along on a desert highway rocking out to your favorite song, on your way to sorely needed vacation with family and friends, and 100 miles into your trip you run out of gas. As you look around, there is not a soul in sight just the wavy lines of heat coming off of the endless stretch of pavement. You wonder how you will possibly arrive at your destination, so you open up the map to see how far it still is and realize that you have been driving in the wrong direction the whole time!

  What do you do?

  SIAM
• 

  sabastious

  First off, don't convince yourself you were lied to, that will help a little.

  They people doing the "lying" are being lied to as well by people that are dead! So it's not like we were premeditatedly lied too and that is an encouraging thought.

  That being said, time heals all and make sure you fully validate why you left otherwise you'll be stuck in limbo with no identity or direction and that truly is hell.

  -Sab
• 

  sabastious

  I know this is said a lot of this forum, but read Crisis of Conscience, nothing will better help you cope through this gauntlet!

  -Sab
• 

  laverite

  I remember when I really understood clearly, without any doubt, that "The Truth" was not the truth at all. That experience for me is best described as a coup de foudre. I had been studying numerous topics from anthropology to history to sociology and had gained a broad based understanding of religious institutions. It all came together. I'll never forget that OMG moment. During that term, I also had the fortune to read the poem "Lies" by the Russian poet Yevgeny Yevtushenko. I connected to that poem on both an intellectual and emotional level. It spoke to my experience as a Jehovah's Witness who had escaped to university.

  Here is that poem (in translation):

  Lies

  Telling lies to the young is wrong.
  Proving to them that lies are true is wrong.
  Telling them
  that God’s in his heaven
  and all’s well with the world
  is wrong.
  They know what you mean.
  They are people too.
  Tell them the difficulties
  can’t be counted,
  and let them see
  not only
  what will be
  but see
  with clarity
  these present times.
  Say obstacles exist they must encounter,
  sorrow comes,
  hardship happens.
  The hell with it.
  Who never knew
  the price of happiness
  will not be happy.
  Forgive no error
  you recognize,
  it will repeat itself,
  a hundredfold
  and afterward
  our pupils
  will not forgive in us
  what we forgave.
• 

  brotherdan

  I think I dealt with it pretty well. I'm still dealing with it. But for me it was more of a relief than sadness. I grew up KNOWING that I would die at Armageddon because I could never DO enough. I wasn't like everyone else. I couldn't consistently get my time in service when I was a regular pioneer. I could never do enough study. I missed meetings sometimes. Then I went to bethel and it was all multiplied by 100. I knew that I would NEVER be able to do enough. I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I was the reject JW.

  But then I read Rays book, and realized that Christianity was never supposed to be about HOW MUCH you could DO. It was about faith. It was having a personal relationship with Christ. I finished CoC and moved right on to In Search of Christian Freedom. It was so eye opening. While I didn't agree with some of the things he concluded, I knew that I had been mislead for my entire life.

  The only problem that I had (and in some ways continue to have) is the same old question that JWs force into your head. It's echoed in almost every post by MadJW too. "Where else are we to go?" He always asks to show him another GROUP that DOES certain things. He sees the flaws in the organization, but because he does not know WHERE else to go, he sticks with the organization.

  This certainly isn't a diss on MadJW. I see his points, because I've felt the same way. But when I realized that there is NOT ANY group that as a whole is "THE TRUTH", and that Christ is our head and not the GB, that made me realize that I am ok.

  So, to make a long story short, how did I feel when I realized that it was all a lie? I felt... FREEDOM!
• 

  laverite

  Sab - I love ya lots. But with all due respect, I do think the Watchtower Corp. higher ups knowingly lie to the rank and file.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  If you recall how far back a gas station was and it wasn't too bad, start walking back. If you don't recall, consider walking forward. If no traffic at all is available, then walk forward to a gas station. Take any drinkable liquid with you. If it is totally unbearable and the sun will just kill you, pop the hood and write a HELP sign and wait in the shade until the sun goes down or if health or circumstances won't even allow that, then wait with the hood up and the sign for anyone to help. As distrusting as you might be, you gotta take a chance when someone offers to help.

  BUT DO SOMETHING. Don't just curl up and die in the desert.

  My point is that it ain't the same answer for varying circumstances. Is that wife you lie next to aware? Was she JW? Can you talk about it with her?

  I was depressed that my total belief system was a lie and my wife is still in it. After some attempts to free her mind from it, I had to move on to free myself from it and continue to encourage independent thinking in her. Meanwhile, I needed a new support group and counseling. I started with the Alcoholics Anonymous support that I knew from right before I became JW, but others can skip right to ex-JW support. I later found ex-JW's through meetup.com but I could just as easily have found them through jehovahs-witness.net by asking around and going to any gatherings within a reasonable driving distance. Before I met with other ex-JW's, I did establish a big friend base on the phone from forums like this one.
• 

  brotherdan

  I think Sab agrees with you. I think his point was that we should try and VIEW things in a different way. They are captives too. Captives of their OWN concept, but captives non the less. They do lie to the R&F, however I think they justify it and truly think it is the right thing to do. Sad, but true. But again, they are victims of the lie themselves.
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  thenoblelodge

  Turn the car around and head back in the right direction.

  ((((hugs)))) to you, I know exactly how you're feeling because I've been there as have many on this board. Don't worry about how you feel right now, start making plans your life isn't over by any means. There's plenty of fun to be had, new friends to make, places to go, people to meet.

  If you have left and now have no belief in God, or you still have a faith but don't know what to do with it don't worry things will settle down.

  You can always come here for a chat, a rant, or just some hugs don't worry because there will always be someone about.

  Just remember the W/T have lied about everything including people out in the 'world'. People are fine, you will make some good friends and at least they won't be conditional.
• 

  laverite

  Brother D - I, too, felt freedom. Real freedom.

  Vive la liberté !

  -LaVérité