I first heard this when I was in rehab five years ago. I can’t find the video they showed us on line – may be just as well. The speaker was a priest with some funny mannerisms but he knew what he was talking about.
He said that the word “resentment” was based on the same root as sentiment – a feeling. Add the prefix and you are feeling something all over again. So, you’re thinking about getting dumped by that girl in high school twenty years ago and all the same emotions pop up again; angry, shame, jealous whatever. That is a resentment.
Resentments are destructive because they are internalized and difficult, perhaps impossible to resolve.
Here is a link to an Dr. Wayne Dyer article that explains it well.
http://www.innerself.com/Behavior_Modification/dyer03273.htm
“Removing blame means never assigning responsibility to anyone for what you're experiencing. Why do this: If you take responsibility for having it, then at least you have a chance to also take responsibility for removing it or learning from it. If you're in some small (perhaps unknown) way responsible for that migraine headache or that depressed feeling, then you can go to work to remove it or discover what its message is for you.
If, on the other hand, someone or something else is responsible in your mind, then of course you'll have to wait until they change for you to get better. And that is unlikely to occur. “
As a friend of mine says, why are you letting other people rent space in your head?
In the case of many on this board, waiting for the WTBS to change is a long shot to say the least. A much better approach is deal with your resentments yourself.
“Someone says something to you that you find offensive, and rather than opting for resentment, you are able to depersonalize what you've just heard and respond with kindness. You would rather be kind than right. You have no need to make others wrong or to retaliate when you've been wronged. You do this for yourself.
There is a Chinese proverb, "If you're going to pursue revenge, you'd better dig two graves." Your resentments will destroy you.”
He captures the purpose of AA’s 4 th and 5 th steps very well:
“Think about every single person who has ever harmed you, cheated you, defrauded you, or said unkind things about you. Your experience of them is nothing more than a thought that you carry around with you. These thoughts of resentment, anger, and hatred represent slow, debilitating energies that will disempower you. If you could release them, you would know more peace.”