I met my ex on a JW dating website. He was dabbling in "apostasy" at the time, and I had my own doubts. We dated long distance, engaged after 3 weeks, married after 6 months. We never had a chaperone except when my parents were around when I would visit him, but I visted him alone for a week and we played "lemme just touch it..." lmao. Of course, he felt incredibly guilty about it, though I was completely fine. We were going to get married anyway, so what was the big deal?
Fast-forward 2 years after our marriage (in which we waited to have sex...until the day AFTER the wedding...his stupid idea of not wanting to make it seem like "that's why we got married, so we're gonna devote this night to Jehovah" *eye roll*...the only devotion to Jehovah I wanted that night was to be screaming "OH GOD!"). What a schmuck. Anyway, 2 years after, he had decided already to make a triumphant return to "the truth" and was more of a zealot about that than he had been about his "apostasy" (which is what he still calls that...his "Apostate Phase"). Up to this point, he wasn't really making any moves on me sexually...once every two weeks usually, and usually very mechanical "you get off, I get off, 20 minutes, we're done". No lovemaking...no tenderness...just "hurry up and finish, I'm bored" and constant watching of the clock (yes, literally). I had to beg him to have sex with me. BEG! Crying, pleading, feeling like shit about myself and him making me think I was abnormal because I wanted to actually be with him and make love *gasp!* EVERY OTHER DAY! After 2 years of this, he decided we needed to go to the elders and confess what we did before marriage because "obviously Jehovah isn't blessing our marriage because we sinned and fornicated ahead of time". After an uncomfortable meeting in which we were asked what we would counsel others to do in our situation, he thought things would magically be fixed. Yeah. Okay. I endured another 5 years of that ridiculousness he called "our intimate time" *puke*. There was nothing intimate about it. And any attempt made on my part to fix what was so obviously wrong was met with coldness, aloofness, and "you're too obsessed with sex". Sorry, I was a virgin when I got married...I expected SO MUCH MORE than this... I expected to be like rabbits in the first year... we were more like an old married couple straight out of the gate.
After all this, I finally started really researching what I "believed" and decided that it was no longer for me. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. He reported me to the elders (though I had NEVER done that to him when he was researching!) for that and a few other things. I was reproved (because I was oh so repentant) and although we decided to make it work, after that betrayal my heart was no longer in it. I tried going through the JW motions to no avail. We separated in 2009, with him weaseling me into signing over custody of our 3 kids (I really had no choice in the matter...long story). He then filed for divorced 5 months later, and was remarried 7 weeks after the divorce was final. Once he had a new "WONDERFUL" JW wife in the picture, he decided I was no longer fit to be my children's mother and filed a restraining order on trumped up charges. He lied. Theocratic warfare, ya know. So now I can't even speak to my children on the phone, let alone be near them and hold them. He says "Jehovah is protecting these kids...Jehovah is blocking you from them"...yes, because JEHOVAH signed the petition for a restraining order and JEHOVAH is the one who accused me of such heinous things right?
So yeah...it's safe to say that I hate this f*cking cult more than most do for the simple fact that it has robbed me of my kids, thus far. But I'll never stop fighting. And when I do go for custody, I'm using his beliefs against him. No blood? No extracurricular? No college? A book that tells people to lie under oath in order to get custody? My lawyer's gonna have a field day...
