are JWs allowed to be loving to each other ??
As long as they don't hold hands or embrace during prayer then yeah.
Welcome to the board. I am sure you have seen book recommendations in various threads but here are a few all in one place:
Combatting Cult Mind Control - Steven Hassan
Releasing the Bonds: Empowering Others to Think for Themselves - Steven Hassan
Crisis of Conscience - Raymond Franz
Mistakes Were Made, But Not By Me - Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson
Search youtube for videos relating to Asch Conformity Experiment, Milgram Obedience to Authority Experiment, Zimbardo Stanford Prison Experiment and you'll get an idea of the strong psychology behind cults like the JDubs.
There are a lot more but there's a start. Welcome and good luck with your family.