Today's been somewhat of a strange day for me, but what concerns me is that I can't provide an explanation why. I awoke a couple minutes before my alarm clock went off, as I always do. Its rare that the alarm wakes me. I ironed some khakis, a polo shirt. Jumped in the car, minimal traffic. I clocked in on time, sat down and started working. For some reason though, I feel irritated today. I'm a tad aggitated, even slightly angry. I don't have a reason to feel this way though, and it bothers me. I got up to microwave a can of soup for breakfast, and there was this huge line around our office kitchen. The line was for free flu shots. For a brief moment I thought to myself that maybe, maybe I'll get the shot this year. I haven't had a flu shot since middle school if my memory serves me correct. I walked the long way around the line and entered the kitchen through another door. I stirred my soup, placed it in the microwave and nuked it. I turned to the vending machines and got a bottle of water, and some M&Ms. The microwave beeped, and I took the container out, and stirred it. While stirring, I got a weird nervous feeling. All the while I'm feeling awkward, yet stirring my soup, I realized I've done this before. Many times before. It was almost like Deja-vu. I looked at the doorway from the kitchen, and I noticed some newer faces in the line for flu shots. I walked out the back door, and headed back to my desk. I passed a coworker, and she greeted me, and I greeted her back. For some reason though, I felt cold toward her, kinda numb. I'm at my desk now, and even as I'm typing this I feel a kind of dread. Everything just seems all too familiar. Too repetative. I've never felt this way before.
Is this what happens when we reach our thirties or older? Is this whats meant by mid life crisis? I've never had an uncertainty that I couldn't explain. I don't even know if I should label it anxiety as there's nothing concrete thats on my mind or pushing my buttons at this time.
