The imposing lodge on whose polished parquet I now am standing offers me not mere views through floor-to-ceiling plate glass windows but expansive vistas. Formerly, from mullioned panes in my small and tilting cottage, I would gaze with unspoken delight upon the setting sun and my very good fortune. I was happy to be alive amidst simple things and pleasures. My current habitation is not my home, yet its many doors have been locked against my departure. No longer within four wooden walls of plain aspect and diminutive size, I am lost in an infinite architectural spread that reaches toward earth's four points, an edifice possessing four levels of magnificent scale that demand I should walk, climb, explore every one of thousands of hidden nooks and crannies. I am compelled to do this but find no joy in discovery. I want to go back, go back to the simplicity of my earlier life. I cannot. It is becoming dark out of doors, a slinking, watery sun having limped its pathetic course through the closing chapter of a gloomy and damp spring day. Its brief, craven appearance has created more shadow than illumination, and this has tended toward my unease, prompting me to turn on each light of every room on all floors. I am alone - sometimes it is all right to be alone - but not at this time. This dwelling space of loss and loneliness holds me captive and I want only to walk out the door and go home. I am stopped as hand furtively touches handle. Held captive; no escape. Does anyone hear my cries for help? They are swallowed down whole by the grinning and cruel emptiness of an outwardly beautiful house that has no soul so has stolen mine. My pleas for release fall not on deaf ears but on no ears at all. I grow silent as I watch the sun sink deeper, deeper into an eternal night. It is beautiful....
Resignation
by compound complex 49 Replies latest jw friends
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compound complex
He knows too well
What can never be,
Yet never was but in
His heart, in his head.Upon the plank he soldiers
Forth, bravely so, though it
Be his last above the sea he
Loved so much from early on.Hero smote his liege with a word
Deserved, though servile ones are
Not to speak or do what conscience
Says, despite the cost to life and limb.Take your leap, O worthy man, and ponder not on
Those behind, whose captive souls shall never take
Flight as yours will now, as upon wings of doves you
Sally forth to meet at last Mother Sea and Father Sky. -
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compound complex
This, my day's long and arduous journey,
Is winding down as infinite night gracefully
Descends and takes me into her welcomed
Embrace.I have no reason to fear the inevitable,
My transition into a higher and more
Glorious state than was allowed me upon
This beautiful but angst-filled habitation.What must be borne with calm, with dignity,
With rejoicing, is what has been prepared
For me from the earliest times ...
Its accomplishment requires nothing of me. -
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compound complex
Thank you, Michelle!
Am going to it as soon as I submit this post.
Love,
CoCo
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FlyingHighNow
They are swallowed down whole by the grinning and cruel emptiness of an outwardly beautiful house that has no soul so has stolen mine.
I feel a spirit in every house I enter. When I pick out a house to live in, I always think of how it makes me feel. Sometimes it can feel like a house can steal your soul. This also makes me think of agoraphobia.
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FlyingHighNow
I used to hear this song when I was 11. It was 1970 I believe. I looked at it from a child's point of view. This was a guy feeling sadness over his life. I looked at it objectively.
Later, as a 20 something JW, I fell into anxiety and despair. Then is when I listened to this song and looked at it subjectively.
Now, I look at it as been there, done that and learned ways to cope and find the good and the light in the world again. It's like seeing the sunshine behind the rain...
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compound complex
Thanks, FHN, for sharing your thoughts.
Yes, it's a look both objectively and subjectively. Time puts an appropriate distance between us and old emotions, helping us to see clearly yet not lose our humanity.
Gratefully,
CoCo