men and women

by peaceloveharmony 13 Replies latest social humour

• 

  David Gladden

  Xena,
  Regarding the "yanking David's chain" comment... I'm tempted to go down that road, but won't.
• 

  Xena

  lol David well watch yourself at that Dallas Apostatefest...you never know who might be there...wanting to yank your "chain"..

  Crossing my fingers mony!!!!!!!!
• 

  peaceloveharmony

  here's some more funnies :)

  For all the men who like to send blonde jokes - the paybacks are here!
  
  How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
  Both of them.
  
  Why did the man cross the road?
  He heard the chicken was a slut.
  
  Why don't women blink during foreplay?
  They don't have time.
  
  Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
  They won't stop and ask for directions.
  
  How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
  He buys two cases of beer.
  
  What is the difference between men and government bonds?
  The bonds eventually will mature.
  
  Why are blonde jokes so short?
  So men can remember them.
  
  How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
  We don't know; it has never happened.
  
  Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
  They all already have boyfriends.
  
  What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
  A widow.
  
  When do you care for a man's company?
  When he owns it.
  
  Why are married women usually heavier than single women?
  Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
  Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.
  
  How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
  His hand caught fire.
  
  How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
  Tape the remote control between his toes.
  
  What did God say after creating man?
  "I must be able to do better than THAT!".
  
  What did God say after creating Eve?
  "Practice makes perfect".
  
  What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
  They're all married.
  
  Man says to God, "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
  God says, "So you would love her." "But, God," the man
  says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says, "So she
  would love you!"

  xena, david,

  still working on getting there......

  ps. lolol @ yanking hehe

  not a RULES girl
• 

  Faraon

  The Facts

  How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
  None. Intelligent man don’t do the dishes. They get women to do them.

  Why did the man cross the road?
  Because the chick was a slut.

  Why don't women blink during foreplay?
  Staring at the ceiling does not make them blink.

  Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
  It actually only takes one sperm to fertilize the egg, but the egg needs the fondling of one million sperm to respond to fertilization

  How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
  By hiding his money before his wife can get to it.

  What is the difference between men and government bonds?
  The bonds take a long time to deliver, as opposed to the blonds.

  Why are blonde jokes so short?
  To match the blonde’s brain capacity.

  How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
  We don't know; it has never happened, but women need one or two rolls per crap. Why? Because they are full of it.

  Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
  They all already have boyfriends. They tried to get women, but were rejected by them. Women prefer scoundrels.

  What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
  A frustrated clinger.

  When do you care for a man's company?
  When he owns it. Especially at divorce time.

  Why are married women usually heavier than single women?
  They already caught a fool to support them and don’t worry about being attractive any more.

  How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
  Women tried to make him lie so his nose would grow to the size of a broomstick.

  How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
  Aim the dishes at his face.

  What did God say after creating man?
  "This is really my image".

  What did God say after creating Eve?
  "I have to stop working. I am too tired. Look at the mess I made".

  What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
  They're all married and trying to get away from their wives.

  Man says to God, "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
  God says, "So you would not notice how dumb she is." "But, God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says, "So she would love you even when you have no money"

  JRP
  Distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful.
  Nietzsche