Yes, but we have to take responsibility for our own tempers. Goading often happens because other people spot our ego weaknesses and exploit them. If we stand on the strength of our arguments alone, then goading will be irrelevant.
My perception of posters
by Lady Lee 66 Replies latest jw friends
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I quit!
But then I had to stop and realize that some of those answers were actually good for me. A lot of those I tossed and haven't picked up again. And I am slowly wading through some of the others that I kept and some of those are slowly getting tossed away too. . But I think we need to be open.
I'm also one who believes that it is important to keep an open mind. My views are always changing and I don't fear finding some of the things I believe in aren't true. It is all part of the journey. I had enough of insisting that I had all the answers when I was a JW. In my experience I have found that the ones that are the most dogmatic about what the believe are the ones who are the most insecure in their beliefs. When they get angry at you it is because they are trying to convince themselves that you are wrong and they are right. They fear having their bubble popped by you.
You said that you are not an authority on what happens after we die. None of are because none of us have died so why should any of us be so adamant about our beliefs and insist we know for sure what happens when we die. We'll all find out what is going on soon enough.
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cognizant dissident
Part of the problem stems from the fact that people are here for different reasons. Many are on this forum are here for emotional support. They want people to support and validate their viewpoints. It could be because they are in an emotionally fragile state, but regardless of the reason, they find it very difficult to tolerate differing opinions, especially when bluntly formulated.
Other posters are on this forum because they want to challenge viewpoints and enjoy the rousing give and take of a good argument/debate.
There is nothing wrong with either of those positions, but I have noticed that many of the clashes happen when those two groups of posters cross paths. As a matter of fact, I recall a number of very heated arguments between popular posters on this very issue that ended in hot tempers and hurt feelings. Does anyone else recall the "It's a support forum/No, it's a discussion forum" wars from a few years ago?
Perhaps, instead of having sections for different topics, JWN would do better to have two sections, one for group support and one for intellectual debate. Oh wait a minute, I think it already does! So what is the problem? Maybe we need to be careful where we post our topics? Maybe we need to respect those topic forum categories more?
If we post in intellectual debate, then the gloves are off. If we post in friends and private discussion/support then, do not enter without kid gloves on? I don't know, I'm just throwing out suggestions here.
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cognizant dissident
When they get angry at you it is because they are trying to convince themselves that you are wrong and they are right. They fear having their bubble popped by you.
Truer words were never spoken! However, it raises the question: To what degree do we respect other poster's bubbles and their rights to have them? Personally, I think if you're bubble is so fragile, then don't bring it with you to an open internet forum.
Another question: Are we really helping or hurting someone when we point out their logical fallacies? Have we all not watched American Idol auditions where the people are convinced they can sing and they are just horrible? In tears, they cry that their friends and family have all told them they were "good singers"! Did their friends and family do them a favor, letting them persist in that delusion and letting them be publicly humiliated on national television?
Does a true friend tell you the truth, even if it hurts?
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notverylikely
Did their friends and family do them a favor, letting them persist in that delusion and letting them be publicly humiliated on national television?
Fine, I get it, I can't sing.
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cognizant dissident
I tried to tell you bro, but you just wouldn't listen!
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notverylikely
I tried to tell you bro, but you just wouldn't listen!
That's so unlike me.
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THE GLADIATOR
Lady Lee This is one of the most interesting threads in a long time. I have enjoyed your thoughtful comments and those of others who have contributed. You do a good job.
At times I have been rough with kind people and felt regret. At other times it has been appropriate to draw my sword. Sometimes my intentions are misunderstood. Perhaps dressing as a gladiator makes people defensive? Now before posting, I ask, how my post will affect the person it is addressed to? How will it make me feel? What is my motive for commenting. Arguing does not lead to inner peace. Showing kindness and empathy does.
I try not to use the forum as a vehicle for my own negative emotions. Being human I still sometimes fail. We all have unconcious forces at work within us. By their very nature, we are the last to realize the effect they are having on us and those we inflict them on. Everything we do or say has a 'sense' to it - that is a hidden meaning or agenda. (Freud)
Over the years I have had heavy debates with some wonderful Christians, some of whom have now left. It is due to those debates that I have been able to be more open minded. I have at last taken on board their message, that for them, Christianity is about love and kindness and I see the benefit this has bought to them as people. I'm more interested in how a person treats me and others, than the spiritual path they have chosen to walk.
As has been said, once we seek to accommodate everyones personal understanding, debate become pointless and the mental stimulus that it affords is absent. Attempting to be agreeable all the time can become boring and pointless for all involved. This is a dilema. For most people who have been here a while their reason for coming here has changed over the years. That is certainly true for me, causing me to seriously question my reason for being here. Time will tell!
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cyberjesus
commmon Gladiator, whats happening to you!
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THE GLADIATOR
cyberjesus You OK?
I think I'm going soft in the middle.