Halloween is SACRED and HOLY and very cool. Check it out......
First official shunning was AWESOME
by SweetBabyCheezits 30 Replies latest jw friends
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ValiantBoy
It's funny how our perceptions on shunning change once we are disfellowshipped. When I was still an active Witness I followed the rules on disfellowshipping and even totally shunned my older sister; I once cancelled a trip to my parents' house because she was going to be there---and then I counseled my mom for associating with her. I was sincere, but I was wrong (not to mention that I was a total a-hole) and I regret that now.
Similarly, when I was disfellowshipped my friends all shunned me. My best friend got married a few months after I was disfellowshipped. By that time I was working on getting reinstated, but I could still not attend the wedding. It sucked, but I knew that he was sincere and thought he was doing the right thing.
Later, after I got reinstated, I simply faded. My friends shunned me again, especially after I came out. It still hurt a lot. I missed them and, by this time, I thought they really hated me. But I still recognized their sincerity and tried to be understanding, remembering that I once would have taken the same course of action.
SBC, your friend probably feels really bad that he had to shun you. He may break the rules in a lot of ways that he knows he can get by with, but he's probably afraid that associating with a DF'd person would be too much. Hopefully, though, this will make him think and maybe he will wake up one day and wonder what the hell he was thinking when he quit talking to a good friend just because his church told him to.
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Ding
I know it hurts to have former friends shun you, but if the Pharisees won't talk to you, count your blessings and move on with your life, just as you're doing.
I think you did very well with your daughter.
She needs to know why she and her parents are being dissed so she doesn't think there's something wrong with her and so the rest of her life she and her real friends steer clear of the borg.
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hemp lover
SBC, you forgot to tell us the most important part. What costume did your daughter pick out?
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SweetBabyCheezits
ValiantBoy.... I DEFINITELY see your point. Wish I would've thought about that this weekend and before I posted. You've forced me to acknowledge a hypocrisy in myself, which I hate seeing, but I have to admit it. I used to shun DF'd JWs - good friends - just like that guy shunned us.
Having said, there are some details I'd like to mention.. (ie, a bit of rationalization to soften my guilt? :-D)
First, I really don't cut myself any slack there either: I see the old JW version of me as a self-righteous ass. Ignorant, yes, but I truly regret the way I treated old friends who were DF'd. I was a douche, plain and simple. If I could go back in time and smack myself upside the head, I'd do it. And if any of those exJWs I ever shunned thought I was a pious jerk, well, I'd have to agree.
Second, this is still pretty fresh for me and, again, our first time being outright shunned in public. This guy knew exactly why we were DF'd: committing "thoughtcrime" and a heartfelt search for truth. He watched me refuse to share my views when I had the opportunity to defend my inactivity in front of JW friends.
Third, if I ever see my elder brother in public and he turns his nose up and walks the other way, it'll hurt, yeah... but he's already toeing the JW line with as much devotion as he can muster and showing some kind of integrity, even if it's wrong. At least he's being consistent in action and word. But for another guy to break as many "rules" as he can but then not even NOD to an ex-JW friend headed their direction....that's just rich. An acknowledgement of our existence with a return nod would hardly top the list of things he should be concerned about the elders knowing.
Now having defensively rationalized my negative judgment against this fellow, I should say that if he ever recognizes the baloney coming out of the WT and bails, I'll feel like a jerk yet again for talking on here. Deep down, I still think he's a good fellow. To me, it's the symptoms of this control group that really irk me and, unfortunately, I've directed too much of that at one person. Thanks for helping me see that.
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SweetBabyCheezits
What costume did your daughter pick out?
Oh, yeah, thanks for reminding me, Hemp! This is what she picked (though we're having her wear white stockings with it since she's 8):
And here's what my boy picked:
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SweetBabyCheezits
ML, I sent you a PM with my email info. Thanks!
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SweetBabyCheezits
WasBlind: My eyes just light up when I go through the holloween section
I didn't think I'd be into it but I'm like a kid in a candy store now. I think I'm looking forward to xmas most though. As a dub, that was my favorite time of year already. Great time to be off work and get together with family. And I wasn't one of those who sneered at Christmas music. Cheerful xmas tunes beat the hell outta some of those foreboding Kingdom Melodies.
We were in a store the other day and saw xmas displays set up... it made me all tingly inside. It's gonna be so weird to set up a tree in our living room, besides the fact that it sounds like something a drunk guy would do. (Gaffigan!)
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AwSnap
For the record, I bet you've made a bigger impact on your friend than you or he even realizes. As a jw, if somebody outright came up to me and told me about all the things that were wrong with what I believed, I would've shut my ears and mind.
However, you REFUSED to tell him what kinds of thoughts you were having.....which, if it were me, I'd think "damn, there must be something pretty important he's not telling me". I believe you have planted a seed.
On that note, be careful what you post on here. I don't think you've said anything too bad about him. But maybe write as though you're hoping he will find your writing. Just a thought.
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SweetBabyCheezits
However, you REFUSED to tell him what kinds of thoughts you were having.....which, if it were me, I'd think "damn, there must be something pretty important he's not telling me". I believe you have planted a seed.
On that note, be careful what you post on here. I don't think you've said anything too bad about him. But maybe write as though you're hoping he will find your writing. Just a thought.
These are both excellent points, Snap.
I was thinking about that first point the other day and how (hypothetically) if we expose every flaw of the WT to a loved one while they're in defense mode, it could prevent them from ever seeing the truth since they will prejudge all of those refutations as twisted apostate reasoning. But if we leave some stones unturned and they flip those without our help, the impact would likely be far greater. (I think.)
Will def keep the latter point in mind from now on. Thx!
