3 years ago I was in a VERY deep depression.
I had recently gotten diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 2 as well as a bad case of PTSD.
I was on the verge of suicide, I thought about it every day, every hour it seemed.
Then something extraordinary happened.
It was the middle of the night, 2am. I had been having bouts of insomnia for months now and was up very late.
Just for the hell of it, I Googled my full name: Alex Strait.
I found a recent news article that came up.
Turns out just a few weeks earlier a 23 year old man named Alex Strait had been found in a park after he committed suicide.
That was pretty freaky.
THE NEXT DAY I get an email from someone.
Turns out HIS FIANCE found my website (I am a web developer by trade) that gave a description of my ailment and journey (through random googleing). SHE EMAILED ME through my website and asked if it was HER Alex Strait that had killed himself. (She figured if she didn't get a reply that this was indeed his website). She said that my description of my personality and struggle was exactly like him.
This is coming from his fiance!
I emailed her back and said I was a different Alex Strait.
"Alex Strait's" friends made a facebook group for his funeral.
And I got to watch his friends rally around his memory and I saw how crushed they all were.
If I ever get suicidal, that story shoots into my memory.
My question is this:
How do I NOT take that as someone trying to tell me "I am not supposed to die yet."
-Sab