Question For Those Who Have Been Around Awhile...

by BoomTown 22 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  BoomTown

  I started fading about a year and a half ago after I saw serious problems within the organization and doctrinal flaws. I was a ms, bethelite, pioneer for the better part of 10 years.

  While pioneering as a ministerial servant I married a girl who wasn't considered "strong" in the truth despite being raised in the truth. Anyway for the better part of the last 18 months I talk to her about the flaws when an opportunity presents itself.She no longer goes out in the ministry(more or less for the last year).

  Last night she is venting to me about some friends at the hall judging others and says, "I realize there are serious flaws and yeah I don't totally agree with everything that they(watchtower) agree with but I still will go to meetings.

  She has also admitted the main reason she goes is because her parents go to the same hall and it would break theirhearts if she quit going. This in a lot of ways reminded me of how I started my fade. I started seeing flaws and then started doubting teaching and that in turn lead to my fade because it opened my eyes in what was really taking place.

  My question:Am I getting my hopes up that she is fading? I tried getting her to elaborate on what she meant by flaws but she didn't want to go further discuss what she meant. She also later stated that she knows there has to be one true religion and that the Jw's have it right because they are the only ones that don't celebrate holidays.

  What advice would you give to me? She seems to be more willing to talk now than ever. Should I press her a little harder or just let it ride because she is the one who has to decide if its right or wrong for her to fade.

  Any help would be greatly appreciated!
• 

  Ding

  Only you can make the call because only you know your wife and what her attitudes are.

  I think you're right to listen a lot and focus on things she says she considers important.

  Given that she mentioned holidays, for example, you might note the recent direction to elders concerning the distinction between relgious holidays and other holidays.
• 

  yknot

  Show genuine concern and assure her a non-judgemental listening ear........should she ever need to talk

  If she brings up her parents as the sole reason she attends, press gently if she consider herself 'conscious class'.

  This gives you the opportunity to tell her that many are 'conscious class' and are 'in' for parents or 'other reasons' but none of them fully believe.

  Feeling alone in those feelings are often what keeps a person 'mentally' captive but once they know they are not alone the floodgates start to open........then you can ask her to compare notes of what yall agree with the WTS and what yall don't agree with the WTS

  Hugs and hope!
• 

  GrandmaJones

  Eighteen months really isn't a long time. Take it slow. You are having GREAT success, and you are doing it right. Slowly keep pointing out little things that "bother" you. Make sure you don't sound apostate. Just be doubtful and bothered. I think the plan you have already been working is having really good effect. Just remember that if you push too fast, she may kick into "cult mode" and be afraid to listen to anything you have to say. I am fading unbelievably quickly, and my family doesn't suspect a thing! They are really coming along, but again, they are not afraid that I am an apostate. I make sure that I make positive comments as well as "doubts" to allay their fears. And I drop any subject quickly if they look at me funny. Then I make a tiny positive remark, and wait for a better time.

  It sounds to me like you are having a little more "open" conversations than I am having. Only you know your wife and how far to go, but remember that it is so heartening to you to hear her express doubts that you can easily let the dam burst and flood her all at once.

  I congratulate you. She will and must decide for herself whether or not to fade. If she still has doubts about whether this might in fact BE the true religion, then the Armageddon stick she has been beaten with is and was powerful...

  Best wishes!
• 

  GrandmaJones

  Be a little careful about the direction to the elders regarding holidays. We all got that from the "Flock" book and the congregations and the R&F do not have this information. How would you explain how you know it if you aren't on Apostate websites? You need to think of a really good and plausible reason to have that information.

  Good luck!
• 

  caliber

  The key I would say is arranging things to do together apart from "theocratic " things. Clear thinking takes time.

  Each must arrive in their own due time ,at their own speed . Don't press.. make a point.. back off if you detect the

  slightest resistance ! Allow digestion time as you would a meal ! Hoping for the best !!
• 

  Farkel

  : She also later stated that she knows there has to be one true religion...

  How does she "know" that? Remember, there is a big difference between believing in what is true and a "religion."

  :and that the Jw's have it right because they are the only ones that don't celebrate holidays.

  Why didn't Jehovah punish the Jews for celebrating Seder, then? That was definitely a holiday.

  :What advice would you give to me?

  Don't give her my questions and answers above! Don't challenge her, and don't push her.

  And don't try to TEACH her anything. Her cult thinking will kick in just like a bear trap does when you step on it.

  When she is ready, she'll open up.

  Farkel
• 

  Satanus

  Sounds like she wants to keep going for social reasons. It's tough to turn your back on your parents, but imo, building an alternate social life to replace what she might lose is a good tactic. So, get new friends. Do fun things w them, or just have them over for bbqs, etc. The crack in the mirror is already there, for her. She just needs something else to 'go to'.

  S
• 

  cantleave

  Start making friends outside of the congregation and involve in activities with your new friends, on meeting days / night, and see if she misses the meetings then.
• 

  funnyface

  Since your the man of the house( the only one allowed to pray)
  why not pray at the meals thanking God for all the blessing you have &
  quoting the scriptures that Jesus is the ONLy WAY TRUTH Life!!!!
  Mentioning Deut 18 :20-22. That since there are so many changes in the "truth"
  We must listen to the Creator "Jehovah" & HE said LISTEN to my SON
  Because it sound like avery serious thing to prophecy falsly >>>>DEATH????