Let her think you will go But don't She'll never know (theocratic strategy I learnt as a JW)
I feel bad about what i just did to my aged mom
by recovering 18 Replies latest jw experiences
-
-
Quentin
When my father was dying I assured him all his jw wishes would be carried out. He felt relived and at peace. Sometimes we compromise for the sake of others so they may pass satisfied their beliefs are intact with no interference from others. It was a hard thing for me to do, yet my father was my primary focus, not the tower.
-
cognizant dissident
I was going to suggest the same thing as OTWO. Respect your mother's wishes and give her the JW funeral she believes in. You don't have to attend if you don't want to, and you don't have to tell her you won't be attending. Just have her local elder's arrange it the way she wishes.
Then you arrange your own service to remember your mom in a way that would be meaningful to you and have your closest friends and family there for your support.
One is to honor your mom and the other is to honor you and your grief. She doesn't even have to know there will be two services. It might give her more piece of mind if she doesn't.
-
Scott77
This is a difficult time for you and your aged mom. However, you cannot give up your choice of leaving the Wachtower just to please your mom and make her happy. Noway. She has to die knowing that you and her are both different individuals who made up their decision. Still though, you have to show love to her like what White Dove stated, sending her letters of love, and may be flowers. Those evil elders are the most cunning guys whose idea you should be watchful. I hate them as much for their hypocrisy. I saw it all with my naked eyes. Do not secumb to their sweet talk.
Scott77
-
recovering
My mother is not terminal, though she is ill. She wants assurances that when that fateful day arrives (as it must for all living beings)that the kingdom hall is where her services will be conducted. I am sorry if any of you got the impression that her death was imminent . I continue to struggle between healing myself and providing palliative support for my mother.
-
cyberjesus
When she is gone it doesnt matter where you mourn her. She will be gone. What matters is where you are when she is still alive.
-
cyberjesus
Besides, when she is gone if you decide to have the funeral at a Catholic church.... she wont notice anymore.
-
designs
Continue to do the loving things a child should do for their parents and make sure they have the peace of mind at the end that their service will be as they wish. You will have greater peace of mind in the years to come. We all live with conflicts, most we hope will be resolved. Just remember all of the great artists, poets writers painters, were conflicted and put that angst into a beautiful art form.
-
Lady Lee
You have been given a lot of good information here.
On the practical side have a small "ceremony" at the funeral home. There is nothing stopping the Witnesses from giving their infomercial at the hall.
As for the emotions you could write her or call her. Like others said tell her you spoke in anger but you won't go crawling back after 30 years. Then get the topic back immediately onto the issue of a funeral. LKet her know that you have no problem with the JWs having their own funeral for her. But you will be doing your own thing. You don't have to specify what that will be. You can always say you don't know but that you will honor her wishes about a JW funeral. Let her know you do love her and will respect her on this. That alone might smooth things over with her.
We all speak out in anger especially when we have beenwronged and now you have proof via your mother that at least one of the elders knew it was wrong. That must have added fuel to the fire. Be kind to yourself. The JWs certainly weren't