GJ ...its a long process leaving the Org isnt it? Long and often difficult ...often stressful. Sending you hugs.
Loz x
I just can't do anymore right now....
by GrandmaJones 27 Replies latest jw friends
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cognizant dissident
The urge to find out the answers to "everything" and the "real truth" about the universe, man's existence and the answer to all life's problems can see overwhelmingly urgent at times. As if our very survival depended upon it. (Gee, wonder where we ever got that idea?)
Unfortunately, the laundry still piles up, the bills need to be paid, the fridge is empty, the kids need help with their homework, the spouse wants attention, the dog needs to be walked, the boss wants that overdue report.
Most of how we spend our time in "real life" has nothing to do with our finding the answers out there and finding the answers one way or the other won't make a bit of difference to most of the stuff we have to do from day to day. I found it really good to remind myself of this on a day to basis, especially when I was in the early stages of my exit from the JW's and my entrance into JWD addiction.
There's an old Buddhist saying, "Before enlightenment, gather wood, haul water. After enlightenment, haul water, gather wood."
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aSphereisnotaCircle
I did it too.
I still have my JW lit, plus now a large collection of non JW lit, enough to fill several large bookcases.
I bet i have more versions of the bible then 90% of the Christians on this board.
It also got to the point I had to start a file cabinet devoted exclusively to my findings.
For a long time, nothing interested me more then understanding how I, and so many other people, could be so utterly deceived.
It took me a while, but I don't feel the need to research every little thing anymore,
but I still got my "jw" library.
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Butterflyleia85
I like pirata's comment it was simular to what I was thinking...
Take a break and let it absorb! I too still go through the same thing, we can't let it overwhelm us but process it and learn to understand and find exceptance with proof. And I guess for us the hardest thing is, is there really true accoriate knowledge! We were taught that there was by the Governing body that hid certain things that weren't so... where do we go from there? That's where I am anyways... except for me I'm already out (exJW) and found out after being DFed. I want to make a meaningful life for me and my family before regretably putting effort in something that really was built on self righteous men and lies. Just remember the scriptures we learned! That God forgives, loves when we seek him, and search for him. Just let it be a process of a peace of mind, not overwelming.
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nugget
In the beginning I found it hard to let go completely and was looking for the chinks in the anti literature. But in the end I asked myself were these men misled or did they lie. That was all it came down to. As soon as I realised that the flaws and u turns were not down to human error and some of their statements were actual lies it was enough.
Small lie big lie. they deceived me for over 40 years they were not worthy of any more of my time and attention.
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GrandmaJones
I can see all the lies. I recognize the deception. I am obsessively interested in the full extent of this deceit. Was it deliberate, or, as Ray Franz suggests, do they believe their own bullshit? (Ooops! Grandma swore, something she almost never does.)
Yet, I find myself, at moments, with thought stoppers. I have just been so brainwashed. This religion has me used to stopping doubts with scriptures the WT uses, such as the one ..
I then remind myself that this organization was built by a man, who by todays teachings, if resurrected, would be disfellowshipped in fifteen minutes for apostacy. All this chronology built on 2nd Adventist stuff, and supported by measurements of the pyramids. As though God would choose such craziness, such pagan origins for his "faithful and discreet slave".
19 They went out from us, but they were not of our sort; for if they had been of our sort, they would have remained with us. But [they went out] that it might be shown up that not all are of our sort.
I know the WT is not "the truth", but my cult mindcontrol hasn't worn completely off. I read Steve Hassen's book, and of course I see what he is saying, and I recognize how it affects me. But, it is a struggle to not fall back into the comfort of ignorance, (the dream of a paradise earth is so attractive to me) and just give up. This is hard, just as hard to come out of the "truth" as many people suffer to get into it.
I am trying to reason with some of my family, and they agree for the most part, with my opinions and the information I have discovered. It turns out they have doubts of their own, including some serious enough that they will not willingly go in service, and only turn in an hour or so a month.
So.........I have moments.
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GrandmaJones
I don't know what happened with all the font changes...Weird.
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I quit!
It's like staring at a corpse.....
I like that analogy.
I did the same thing when I left. I would sometimes get up in the night and read books written by exjws or book exposing the the Watchtower. I think it is all part of the process of leaving the cult. I found it facinating learning just how wrong they were on just about every subject.
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sabastious
I think everyone goes through the "obsession" period, it's as natural as a cup of green tea!
-Sab
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garyneal
I can so relate to what you all are going through. Last year when I first discovered that the WT religion wasn't everything the witnesses made it out to be, I was rather upset. For years I kept hearing how only the witnesses had the truth and how they are the closest to emulating the first century Christians, etc, etc, etc.. I kind of bought into it and found myself really scared that I was doomed to die.
When I discovered that a lot of their doctrines did not line up with the Bible, I was rather upset about it. I've been researching, questioning, and wondering what is the truth ever since.
If I spend too much time listening to their talks, I find myself regressing thinking that a true show of Christianity is how they present themselves. I find that I do not measure up. When I try to come to terms with the violence and data that is presented in the Bible that does not line up with the evidence that we see, I find myself skeptical.
I watched a Star Trek movie where everyone on the Enterprise trusted Captian Picard's judgement and leadership and find myself in an a ha moment. Is that why so many Christians put their faith and trust in one man, Jesus? We may not understand everything but He does.
Yet, so many people professing to be Christian just blindly follow what their pastor or church says. My wife says that she learns more at the hall than she will ever learn in a church. Yet, I don't think she realizes that she is no different than the Christians who blindly follow their church teachings. What exactly is she learning?
People don't care about doctrine, they only care about living life to the full. Whether most believers choose to admit it or not, most of them do it only for the social aspects of it. Occam's Razor. How many really ponder these things day in and day out? But is an unexamined life really not worth living? Ignorance is bliss and I remember my blissfully ignorant days and find myself often missing them.