As an elder, you shouldn't be ashamed of upholding your beliefs.
If you find defending your beliefs awkward or embarrassing, then something's wrong.
Woman I work with just asked me, "if you fall in love and get married, do you have to marry a JW?"
by miseryloveselders 27 Replies latest jw friends
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mamalove
I think I have had just about every questions. Yes, they are all pretty embarassing because the answers are so out of the norm. I used to DREAD this time of year and be so happy when it was over so I didn't have to "stand up for the truth" too much until next year.
I do not know your exacact situation, but if you are having doubts and are attempting to fade sometime soon, I would probably say something like this "Yes that is the rule of the JW's, I do not agree with everything that they print or say from the platform, I form my own ideas and opinions." Just so you don't look so much like a whoose because people can read you that you probably are not gung ho about it all.
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WTWizard
Fact is, you will be marked if you marry someone out of the cancer. The information is in the November 1, 1989 Washtowel rag--a pair of study articles that deliver a one-two punch against anyone who wants to court someone not in the cancer. You are not to do fornication, and you are not to marry someone that is not a witless. This rules out getting anyone that will not become a witless.
Also, there are additional rules in this washtowel. First, you have to get the suitor to become a baptized witless. Just going to boasting sessions or being an unbaptized publisher is not enough. And then, you have to wait a time (they are intentionally vague as to how long) after they get baptized, and I presume this is to allow Brother Hounder to persistently tell you to wait until someone else takes it out from under your feet (and they will claim that this person sinned by not waiting long enough). That Family book they had about 10 years ago has even more details about this; the Keep Yourselves in God's Tyranny book has even more.
To me, this is nothing more than a tool for the hounders to use to prevent specific individuals from finding anyone. They observe certain people more intently, expecting higher standards out of them, hoping they will end up in the Value Destroyer Training School for Singles. They expect such mate to go beyond baptism and to become pio-sneers, then pio-sneers for [ever-escalating number] years, then going to Beth Hell, then staying in Beth Hell for [ever escalating number] years. All the while, someone else they are not watching as closely takes this person out from under you, and they claim that this other person is not as righteous. And then they wonder why people go apostate.
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miseryloveselders
OMG WTWizard LOL. I swear dude, you are my favorite poster. Everything you post is sooooo true, but sooo comedic LOL. You help take the edge of this cancer of a religion. Having a sense of humor is in my opinion the best way to deal with this organization. The second you begin to take it too seriously, is when you lose your mind or have a mini meltdown like I did last week.
Keep Yourselves in God's Tyranny book LOL. The Value Destroyer Training School For Singles LOL.
I swear everything natural in this religion, like wanting to get married, fall in love, learn about live through education, being able to provide for your family, enjoying the company of your family without ridiculous shunning.........its all perverted in some way, shape or form by a demonic publishing company. It's crazy!!!
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Jadeen
When I got engaged to my honey (not a witness), one of the guys that I worked with was asking me some similar questions. Where we would have the ceremony, who would attend, etc. When I told him that most witnesses would not go to a ceremony at my honey's church, he shook his head and made a comment about how loving someone who is different should not be punished.
I had told him about how some witnesses were not talking to me because I got engaged to a "worldly", there was local needs talks about "marrying in the Lord", yada, yada. Some fine anti-witnessing that day.
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miseryloveselders
had told him about how some witnesses were not talking to me because I got engaged to a "worldly", there was local needs talks about "marrying in the Lord", yada, yada. Some fine anti-witnessing that day.
I've always wondered how often this happens. Let me ask you, where you there when they did the local needs talk? If so, how did that feel? Even if you weren't there, how did it feel when it got back to you?
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Jadeen
Hell no, I wasn't there! By that time, I had gotten meeting attendance down to maybe once every 6 months. Keep in mind that I had never been baptised, so I was already looked down on as being weak. All of my used-to-be friends were already married, so they couldn't hang out with me any more. Then I had been dating a worldly guy, so I was a bad influence. I thought, "why should I go when people won't talk to me?" No elders had tried to pull me aside for a shepherding call- actually no elders had talked to me at all.
If I had been there... I would like to say that I would have walked out, but probably not. My face would have been beet red and I would have done the walk of shame out the door as soon as meeting was over.
They gave the talk about two weeks before the wedding. I first heard about it when a good friend informed me that, "Xxx and Xxxxx said that they aren't coming to your wedding, because they think it would set a bad example for their son." These two people were very close friends of my family- we went camping with them, dinner at each others houses at least once a week, they came to my graduation ceremony. And they wouldn't say this to my face.
First I was shocked and then very, very angry. It pretty much destroyed the friendship that my family had with them. Some other people in the congregation took that talk to mean that it was open season to gossip and slander me- I heard some nasty second hand stuff.
But overall, I wasn't too surprised about that local needs being given. I was kind of surprised that they didn't give it sooner. It was the actions of people after the talk that pissed me off.
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miseryloveselders
Jadeen thanks for responding. Wow, is all I can say. I've always wondered how these situations play out. Being that you weren't baptized, one would think a special needs talk was unnecessary. As you mentioned the congregation starting gossping and slandering. It's situation like this that make me say to myself, "only Jehovah's people!"
Part of the reason I asked you was due a situation going on in my hall now We have a visiting brother who is baptized. He's dating a born-in athoughnot baptized sister. It looks like its going to materialize into marriage. Which I hope it does. They seem to be great together. But the talk in the congregation has been nothing short of negative. I haven't heard any inklings of and elders suggesting a local needs part, but I'm wondering if I'll see such a thing shortly.
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VampireDCLXV
I haven't heard any inklings of and elders suggesting a local needs part, but I'm wondering if I'll see such a thing shortly.
Don't YOU be givin' THAT talk, bruh. If they saddle you with it, find some excuse, ANY excuse not to do it. Take care man...
V665
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miseryloveselders
Don't YOU be givin' THAT talk, bruh. If they saddle you with it, find some excuse, ANY excuse not to do it. Take care man...
V665
Naw, I wouldn't do it. It's not something I'd have to worry about landing on my lap either. I don't know if your familiar with how they divvy local need parts, but for those that dont know... The COBOE during the elders meeting asks for suggestions on local needs. Usually we end up with a handful of suggestions, such as, "the friends aren't preparing for the meetings and commenting is down", "the friends aren't saving the seats in the back for latecomers", or "my wife has been complaining about used tampons in the bathroom". The tampons local needs really did happen too. I couldn't believe what I was hearing when it was suggested at the elders meeting, and even when the brother delivered it from the platform, I was like WTF?!? Granted he discussed other sanitary related issues too, but hearing a brother give a talk on courtesy flushes and used tampons is something to behold.
