When the CO wanted to "help" me with a shepherding call, I said I appreciated their concern but I just wasn't ready to talk right then. They were very understanding and didn't push it.
Would your CO do the same?
The CO just called :S
by ele_lux 28 Replies latest jw experiences
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carla
Yes! Get the flu or something! You know how to make yourself look really sick right? use makeup if necessary. avoid, avoid, avoid.
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ProdigalSon
Be polite, don't give them ANY personal information, and just faaaaaaaade awaaaaaayyyyyyyyy............ They can't df you for not going to meetings.
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drewcoul
It's not necessarily "Fake love." I think it's wrong to assign wrong motives to people just because you don't believe they have the truth. The fact is, CO's are just as much capable of Christian love as anyone else. In the JW world, if you stop attending meetings, you are spiritually weak, and they think that means you won't survive armageddon. We all know this. Most of us have thought the same way when we were in.
I agree with ele-lux. Be polite, and kind. Just say thanks, but you won't be able to meet. Don't lie.
Hope you get through ok.
-Drew
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designs
Drew,
You are a good kind soul. Most of us would be loading Rock Salt Cartridges in the 12 Gauge. Thanks for the good lesson.
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WTWizard
The Christmas lights are a good idea. But there is one major drawback: You stand a very good chance of getting disfellowshipped if you don't immediately pull them down and throw them away. And if you do pull them down and throw them away, you are still in for even worse hounding.
I like the "flu" idea better in this case. Just "feel lousy", and tell them you think it might be H5N1 flu (the bird flu). That ought to prevent them from calling on you for a few days, hopefully long enough for the hounder-hounder to leave. Tell them that, if they persist and show blatant disrespect for your "sickness", they are at high risk of getting H5N1 flu and they could die from it or get very sick.
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BluesBrother
I will weigh in with the "just stall 'em" point of view. The less you say, the better - it is words and disclosures that get people d/f'd and cut off from family.
The C.O will be gone next week, hopefully the local elders will then revert to their usual lethargy
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daringhart13
People!
You're not required to answer the phone or the door!
I live by the following policy: if the number calling doesn't come up with a name on caller I.D....it doesn't get answered.
Take control...... they only have as much control as YOU give them.
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Simon Morley
We stopped going to any meetings in Mid Jan 2010. The CO (along with the DO and another two elders) who was complict to a large degree wanted to meet at the next visit (May). We did and were very honest in saying that for personal reasons we choose not to attend any meetings and would feel uncomfortable in service while matters were left unresolved. We explained that we were cognizant of the fact that people in positions of oversight were imperfect. We just could not understand why ones remained when they were clearly shown (evidence, not supposition) that they no longer met the qualifications to be insuch positions and that such ones openly encouraged gossip and slander with impunity. To their "one isolating themsleves" argument we countered with "shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and conceals themslved from it". Suprisingly, in this situation, the scriptures seemed to flow much easier and certainly with more lucidly.
We demonstrated in a very kind and loving manner that there is no evidence to support that when it comes to a failure/negligence to live up to the qualifications for an overseer one must "wait on Jehovah" or "wait till the new system" for maters to be corrected. On the contrary, Jesus said "to whom much is given much is expected". This was given to help Christians see that self examination/retrospection was a vital part of ones Christian being. We knew there would be absolutely NO way an elder or CO would be removed or choose to step aside and acknowledge there immoral actions. The self-grandizement/righteousness prevents them from taking such action. Since then we have not been bothered or contacted - I was the COBIE very active in CA/SAD/DC and RBC, so that in itself irks them. We simply do not worry any more. Afterall, there will be a new CO and the bOE will not want to try to explain the details.
Importantly, you should not lower yourself to their standards. Be kind and courteous and keep your cool. Provide them with a plausible reason (not an excuse) as to why you no longer attend, thank them for their kind words and keep the discussion to no longer than 1/2hr, do not offer any driks or treats - this is not a social call, it is about ones life as a Christian. Ele-lux you are in good company here and you will find helpful assitance from those who can trully empthasize with you. I felt very awkward at first, but not anymore.
Simon Morley
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Nice_Dream
If you really don't feel like talking with them, you could politely tell your family that you're sorry you're not able to make it, you already made other plans. And say maybe next visit we could get together (or something vague), and then later cancel that one too. (That's what I would try, but I like avoiding things).
Good luck to you. Last year when the CO had a visit with my family I actually found it encouraging! The CO knew my parents 25 years ago, so they were catching up, seeing which friends were still in the religion...and none of them were! It was eye opening for me and helped me see something was up.