Blaming God..or just stating he's not doing anything.

by WillowTrees 14 years ago 12 Replies latest 14 years ago jw friends

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  WillowTrees 14 years ago

  Being Angry with God...just purely...angry...

  I am going to talk about God...and i'm hurting...so I just need to talk. I wish a lot of things...so maybe right now i just wish to be able to talk about this with someone..because I feel very alone.

  I am so alone...i feel SO alone...I'm depressed and it wont GO away. it's JUST ALONE depression...among other things. I had someone to come home to...and now...that person maybe leaving.

  I'm at a point in my life where my faith has been depleted and robbed of me. Not because of Jehovah's Witnesses or anything of THAT nature. I live in despair because there's nothing left for me to look towards. The only thing I want out of life...i feel is leaving me or never was there to begin with. All the people that i go begging for help have given up on me. Now all things are 'What does The Master say?" ... If i could hear his voice, I wouldn't come to you. I'm told my hearing is dulled...

  i love these people...they do me no harm (no sarcasm). They have answered my emails for years...but something hasn't worked with their advice...or whatever. They spent hours on the phone talking to me...only that within a week or so after the conversastion, i'm back to my depression and pain. They have gifts that I can only think of having. I can't even dream of them. I have no life. I am alone. I don't have any friends, I am alone.I come home to an empty apartment full of useless crap...a bed...dressors..tv ....sofas...etc...

  "Only God can heal you. You can't heal yourself" ... If i go to therapy...if i work on being mindful...or eliminating fear..how is that GOD helping? I'm the one doing the work. If God is the one that heals....here I am! Come!

  Is holy spirit really FREE? If you have to WORK for it? You have to do THIS...or THAT... Free is without any cost or payment or anything...But if you have to 'change your heart so that God can come abide in you' ...is that free? It's not like I don't want to be healed. it's not like i don't want to be HEALED

  "Just ask" .....i have. I hate it when people just say 'Just ask'... As if it's THAT easy. They'll say 'it is..' ...but no...it's not. I hate that my life consists of things that other people don't deal with...disorders and shit. Christ spent SO much time HEALING people on the earth... Why not heal me? It took him half a second to heal people, bring them back from the dead... why not give me half a second? Okay maybe 5 mins...or 10... i'd take that over YEARS.Was the purpose only to 'spread the message...and if these things weren't done, these miracles than none would believe?' ... Well i'm loosing my believing abilities. I'm loosing my ability to believe that I matter...even though 'logically' i'm suppose to know that God is Love...and his Son is the Way...and that allt hose 'believing' will be saved through him. I'm loosing my ability to believe.

  Eventually it'll be all my fault. That's where the blame will come to. Even though i'm cornered without any control and being controlled by my mind/invisible force that will not permit me anything or any peace. i'm trying to control things to keep my sanity because I have no control. And what? 'Look...what you did with your life' ...but i'm sitting here waiting for GOD/Christ to heal me.

  Is Job so noble? wasn't he upset with God and had to be 'humbled?'

  Is it blaming God, when you know it's the Advesary that's tormenting you, but you know that GOD isn't helping you? and you're angry about that? Because it is a fact that it's the 'ultimate test' ...to do the test of faith thing... Maybe i have blamed God...because i'm so angry with him now.. i'm SO angry... But is it blaming him when I say things like 'he saved so and so..but wont save me'

  I'm sure when he looks at me and in my eyes, i'm the one that's going to cower in fear and say 'i'm sorry' ... 'i know it's all my fault' ...even though i feel completely out of control and under the control of desire or sin or spirit...or devil. I don't know.Everything will be 'visible' ...and everything i've DONE am going to do ...etc.. will be shown. Judgement upon judgement upon judgement upon judgement.

  'don't judge' ...that's like saying 'oh don't feel bad' ...

  ... 'oh...i never though it t like that! ..thanks!'

  I hate it when people say 'don't feel bad'...or 'don't feel like that' ...

  As if it's THAT easy to move from one emotion to another.

  all i ever wanted in life...was a wife...that i can love and loves me....with a kid/kids without being constantly DEPRESSED among the other disorder. If God is love...and all i want is LOVE...isn't it safe to say that all i ever have asked for is GOD? but i'm sure i'm not ONLY asking for God...

  "Go to him" .... how many times have I begged for help? god...how many times do i need to beg for? 100? 200? 300? 400? ....does that mean I have to beg EACH time I need help with something THAT many times? i'm so exhausted ...

  If i feel this way and i'm talking about this openly...will i NOW receive 'discipline' ..and 'even that which he has will be taken away?'I need help, and i'm asking for help, will you now rob me because i'm despairing and begging for your help? The only thing that i feel i have worth screaming for?

  I hate being alive...I just want the pain to stop and no one is listening. "Do this...do that" ...but it's not working. I'm so alone. It's obvious that the Adevesary is the one that is harming/hurting us. And God ....is just letting him becuase that's the 'test' we have to 'pass' ... But why not just let those that want to spend the rest of their lives outside this huge 'battle between 'good' and 'evil' ' ..? Why not just leave us alone?

  "Because we're all in it, and have no choice except..."

  "I put life and death in front of you" ...

  Why?

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  sabastious 14 years ago

  All the people that i go begging for help have given up on me. Now all things are 'What does The Master say?" ... If i could hear his voice, I wouldn't come to you. I'm told my hearing is dulled...

  I'd rather have my hearing "dulled" then hear things than aren't there.

  -Sab

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  Ding 14 years ago

  I'm sorry you're having such a down time in your life.

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  sabastious 14 years ago

  "Only God can heal you. You can't heal yourself" ... If i go to therapy...if i work on being mindful...or eliminating fear..how is that GOD helping? I'm the one doing the work. If God is the one that heals....here I am! Come!

  You say that the "people" that say these things do you no harm.

  That isn't true, they are doing you a lot of harm with imposing harmful advice. God gave you the tools you possess and they are saying that GOD didn't give you enough to solve you own problems?

  How could that be?

  It's a lie. You do have it in you, just as we all do. The Organization has programmed into our subconscious that we are not to trust ourselves, but to put our trust in them.

  They are imposters. They do not speak for God, they speak for themselves and their own agendas.

  I know it's hard to hear those types of things, I know it's difficult to expel those thoughts from the subconcious, but you have to if you want to get back to being a happy human being.

  All of us all capable of being happy, but the individual is the only one that can apply the necessary changes and tweaks to his/her life that will actually make a difference.

  Saying "You can't do it alone, you need God." Is some of the worst advice anyone could give.

  This forum is a great resource and support group. We can help you through the tough times, offer objective support and actually help you through something. It will be a stark difference from what you are used to which is likely more of the same old Organizational crap taking credit for God.

  -Sab

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  purplesofa 14 years ago

  Is there anything you enjoy doing by yourself?

  drawing, reading, listening to music, watching movies, walking, riding a bike?

  It's a very small thing, but if you could focus on something you do alone,

  like be in the NOW with it, embrace that feeling and build on it.

  I don't think it will solve all that ails you but there you may find peace and contentment if only briefly,

  and restore some energy to you.

  YOU are not really alone.

  Thank-you for sharing your feelings today.

  purps

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  WillowTrees 14 years ago

  Sabatious:

  these people don't do me harm. They have put up with a lot of my crap over the years. i'm not blaming them, nor do i want to blame them. I do want help from them though. but im not suppose to go to them. Please don't think i'm blaming them or saying they're harming me. They are good people.

  PurpleSofa

  Being in the 'now' ...is one of the hardest things i've had to do. Cause of my anxiety disorder, i have such a hard time doing that. Because of my DESPAIR...it makes it that much more harder to do anything that may assist in that.

  I am alone...i know this, because when i come home i FEEL it. There's NOTHING there. no one...no thing..i hurt.

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  aligot ripounsous 14 years ago

  I prefer to dismiss the idea that God doesn't do anything or, worse, that there is no God, and I stubbornly cling to the conviction that He knows infinitely more than we do about the reasons for evil, misery, etc. Once a JW...

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  sabastious 14 years ago

  these people don't do me harm. They have put up with a lot of my crap over the years. i'm not blaming them, nor do i want to blame them. I do want help from them though. but im not suppose to go to them. Please don't think i'm blaming them or saying they're harming me. They are good people.

  I never asked you to blame them, I'm saying they are not helpful.

  The liars are the ones in Brooklyn, the people being lied to are your friends. They do not know they are propagating a lie, they mean well for sure.

  But in the end, they will not be able to help you through depression. Battling depression is a personal journey and their advice will always be to look up.

  -Sab

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  poppers 14 years ago

  Can you just be still and feel your own existence? Simply stop everything and feel your own sense of being, of existing, right now without attaching any story to it and you'll begin to sense a peacefulness that is always present. Anxiety comes because of thoughts of the future, it needs the future for it to arise. Regrets and feelings of loss associated with them require stories about the past - neither anxiety nor feelings of loss can continue to plague you if all the stories that are replayed in the mind cease.

  Right now you are caught up in a kind of story of what it takes to be happy, and a large part of that story is a kind of demand/expectation/hope that "God" should act a certain way so that you get what you want - can you see this story that you've created and have become attached to? Most people are similarly lost in their own unique stories, and without realizing it they are missing the peace and happiness that is already present within them. So learn to "recognize" the arising of the story and then let go of it. And every idea we have of "God" is just another story that we've come to accept. Let it all go, even every story about "God", no matter what tradition it comes out of. Face it, nobody knows for certain what God truly is, so nobody can know what God really wants or how God acts.

  All stories need time and without time they cannot arise, even stories of God. The "now", however, is completely out of time; in fact, "now" is eternal, timeless, but when you get lost in stories of past or future "now" is overlooked. Every thought you have about yourself, about you as a separate person, is itself another story. I ask you to prove this for yourself by noticing how you create both past and future through your own mind; and through the thoughts and stories that you are telling yourself about "you" you are creating "you". Without those thoughts and stories what is present? Where is this "you" without the story about "you"? Without indulging in any story you will discover that now is the key to peace, and you will discover that what you truly are beyond the "story of you" is connected to everything. Discover this for yourself and you will no longer have feelings of "loneliness".

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  journey-on 14 years ago

  Willow trees are extraordinarily graceful and flexible. They can symbolize those who are usually able to bend and move with the circumstances of their life. They are also a symbol for sadness and grieving (weeping willow) because of their long hanging branches which to some people appear as though they are drooping with sadness. You chose that forum name for a reason.

  You have a choice: You can be the flexible willow able to bend and move with life's circumstances or continue to be sad and accept your perception of life....that's right, I said perception....that life is lonely, miserable, and depressing.

  If you wake up tomorrow and say "I am the willow that bends with my circumstances", then you will look at yourself and say "let my anger, fear, and sadness be gone and let my journey begin!"

  Re-read poppers' post....then re-read it again.....and one more time for good measure...seriously.

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