Is it blaming God, when you know it's the Advesary that's tormenting you, but you know that GOD isn't helping you? and you're angry about that?
Well, yes, dear WillowTrees (peace to you!), it is. But that's... well, "human," isn't it? The thing is, we often make the assumption that God "isn't helping us" (which is also normal; indeed, even Christ made such an assumption - "Eli, Eli, lama sabacthani?"), but that really isn't always the case.
Because it is a fact that it's the 'ultimate test' ...to do the test of faith thing...
If that truly is what's occurring. Sometimes... and I'm not saying this is what's occurring with you... but sometimes our lives, our experiences, are the result of choices that WE make. EVEN when we were warned (by friends, family... even God, through Christ)... to take another direction. For example, there are some women out there who marry a guy... who abused them while they were dating! No marriage vow, no license/certificate... no kids, even. Nothing to "keep" them there or make them stay. Yet, some of these (and others) blame God... when they're being beaten half silly. I absolutely understand where the woman really has NO choice - her religion or culture, etc., may paralyze or even bind her. She may have even been forced into such a relationship. I am just using this as an example of an instance where one's life might be terrible... but they CHOSE it, anyway. Despite ALL of the warnings (including his anger issues/violent behavior toward others even BEFORE they started dating!).
Yet, these don't often blame their family and friends who warned them. To the contrary, they go back to such ones and say, "You were right; I should have listened. I didn't. I'm sorry I put YOU through it!" But God... well, yes, blame Him. Because it's easier blame HIM... than to say, "You were right; I should have listened. I didn't. I'm sorry I put YOU through it!"
Maybe i have blamed God...because i'm so angry with him now.. i'm SO angry...
Are you SURE it's Him you should be angry with? And if you are, is it perhaps NOT because HE didn't save you from the Adversary, but because He didn't save you... from yourself?
But is it blaming him when I say things like 'he saved so and so..but wont save me'
It is. And if the issue is the same as what Job (or so-and-so) faced, then the question is valid. But is He really asking YOU to show the same level of faith, loyalty, and integrity that Job showed? Really?
I had someone to come home to...and now...that person maybe leaving. ... I'm at a point in my life where my faith has been depleted and robbed of me. Not because of Jehovah's Witnesses or anything of THAT nature. I live in despair because there's nothing left for me to look towards. The only thing I want out of life...i feel is leaving me or never was there to begin with.
Based on those statements, it sounds to ME as if you're experiencing what most of us know as a "broken heart." One of THE worst pains the human body can experience. Let me tell you; I know. The "heart" is not supposed to undergo such pain... and some cannot withstand it. I truly hope that you are not among them. Unfortunately, however, this is a phenomena that we experience more and more as time goes by. In times past, such a thing was practically unknown. True, there were some, but they were the minority. Not any more. People leave broken hearts all over the place these days. Some, for good reason (they're own well-being). But most... because they are more concerned with their selves and own needs than of the one they previously "claimed" to love. Happens, dear one... all the time.
But I think most here who've experience such "pain" will tell you: it will pass. Sooner... or later. And it will hurt. But... you will not die. Your flesh will protest, even betray you. Your heart will moan and groan... but only for a time. Some of your pain will be beyond your control, but not all of it. Some of it, you can control... if you want to.
One way to move more quickly past the pain? Is to realize that, in truth, you are most probably better off. Because if someone will break your heart with no cause now... they most probably will later, as well, perhaps to an even greater degree. So, you may have perhaps been spared YEARS of pain. Maybe not. I know it's a small comfort, and perhaps one you cannot "feel" right now. But... I can see no reason for you not to love... and be loved... again. If you CHOOSE to... and allow it.
I bid you peace... speedy healing... and, if you wish it, a restoration of your faith.
Your servant and a slave of Christ,
SA