You are so totally right Scully, kids are burdened with all what they went through, i was one of them.Ridiculed everyday just because my grandparents were JW's it was awful. This teacher hated me because of this, she made fun of me everyday. Made me stand in corner all the time, she was awful, and my mother never came to my defense. I had this teacher for 4 years. To this day I still remember her and the things that happened as if it was yesterday. And as far as kids getting beat because they would not sit during 2 hours of meetings, I totally disagree with that theory. How cruel especially for little wee ones, it used to make me cringe when someone else did that to their children. When I was older and got involved in org. I never did that to my kids.But alot of people used the old scripture "Spare the rod Spoil the child.' way to serious. Glad I'm free of all that now.
Being a JW Kid
by Scully 39 Replies latest jw friends
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teenyuck
The interesting thing about this thread (besides all of our stories is the teachers.
Many of us noted that the teachers we had did not like us because we were JW's. Isn't that strange?
I had one teacher (teachers assistant, really) in the fourth grade (my last class in the Chicago system) who did not care that I could not say the Pledge or participate in birthdays. She always made a point to tell me that it was OK. I wish I could remember her name.
On the other end of the spectrum was the first grade teacher (long time teacher, she was in her 50's) who despised me. No matter what I did, she would find fault with it. It was because we were JW. She made no secret of it. She put me in the coat closet quite a few times. For not standing at pledge, not singing happy b-day, etc. She got especially annoyed about something in a note my Mom sent (it was Xmas time) and grabbed me by the hair and dragged me to the prinipals office. I can see her face perfectly. I can see her lovely Chanel knockoff suit (she tried to dress like Jackie O-it was 1967). She was a beast.
Do teachers still act this way? Are they allowed to let feelings like this show through? I do not have children, so I have no experince, only what the newspapers tell me.
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Tatiana
Windrider, your post about skits made me laugh so hard!!!
How I remember going into junior high when everyone wore minis and micro-minis. All my dresses and skirts were knee-length or longer. And I had to wear knee socks too!! Let me see if I can remember the names I was called.....hmmmmmm....
You old Jehovah...
Seventh Day Jehovah...
April fool Jehovah....
freckle faced bitch....
Granny April (referring to Granny on the Beverly Hillbillys-my mom had a thing for "lace" dresses-yuk)
But my mom said at least they were using Jehovah's name!!! Okay-uh-right!
I remember in music class everyone was acting really nice to me and I was so naive I thought maybe they were sorry....wrong...they passed a "love note" to me from a really cute guy. I didn't know everyone had read it already. They knew I was not allowed to date or have "boy"-friends.
As I read it it and started to sit down, they pulled the chair out from under me. I fell, and my dress went up. Then one particularly mean girl said, "You didn't REALLY think somebody like Calvin would LIKE YOU, did you?????" And everyone laughed and laughed.That was the same girl who could be heard on the playground yelling at me, "Go up, you bald Jehovah. See if you can fly up." (her dad was a preacher) But, fortunately[8>], just as I was learning to fit in...by hiking up my dresses in the back of the bus, sneaking stockings and make-up to school (did anyone else do this?), getting good grades and finally having a few friends, my mom decided to take my sister and me out of school. I was in the 10th grade. You know....because of that big war that was supposed to come in 1975??? You know, the one she's still waiting for??? So, I didn't have to worry about silly old friends anymore, or fitting in, or getting an education, or mean teachers. What a relief!!!!!
Boy, you guys don't know how much I LOVED the movie, "Carrie", when it first came out!!! I completely understood those feelings of revenge.
Puffs, I don't know if teachers still act this way. I let my kids do everything I was never allowed to do. I volunteer for all the parties and love Halloween especially!
April
If you bury the truth under the ground, it will but grow, and gather to itself such explosive power that the day it bursts through it will blow up everything in its way.--Emile Zola, J'accuse
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ashitaka
It certainly wasn't fun. I was a nerd to begin with. Being a JW just made an uphill battle to be normal, just a little more difficult. No wonder a lot of us were suicidal during our youth. So much pressure, ridicule, etc. You get ridicule on both ends, both the parents and the kids. If you're a JW you automatically are in the scopes for the kid's barbs, and the JW parents are relentless and cruel. I have yet to find a good set of JW parents that were converts, not raised as JWs.
Those who were raised as JWs were some of the best parents, and those are the people I miss the most. They WERE good parents, and balanced things, buying presents, etc.
But I think adult converts become too religiously selfish, that they forget the nuances that make childhood happy.
ashi
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drahcir yarrum
As a kid going back to the early 50's being a Witness didn't really bother me in grade school. The other kids were pretty cool about the flag salute and holidays. What I hated were all of the damn meetings. Not being able to do anything else because we were always going to a meeting. In high school, we had Friday night Service Meeting/Ministry School so I rarely got to attend a HS football or basketball game and participation was absolutely out. I don't remember ever attending a HS dance.
I guess by the time I graduated HS the brainwashing had worked because I fully bought into the 1975 BS and was a true believer. To this day, the thought of going to a meeting, even in the business setting makes me feel uncomfortable. I HATE MEETINGS.
"Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son." Dean Vernon Wormer, Faber College
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Lady Lee
I too can relate to so much in here - the skirts and sitting in the hall. Being told which other witness kids to look up to as good examples when I knew that they were the worst kids at school.
But to put two slightly different spins to this.
1) I remember sitting in the hallwya during the anthem and prayer. Sometimes it was very embarrassing. But considering how low my self esteem was I would sit there and think how "special" I was because I was one of the few chosen ones who would survive the end - OK I was really brainwashed. But I guess that was better than the reality of being a true outcast.
2) As a parent who left when my kids were 12 and 8 I was glad to not have to force them into all those stupid things anymore. They loved xmas and birthdays and it was a great joy to give them something I never had. Something about the forcing them to sit quietly at meetings though used to really bother me. I hated having to force them to sit. I would usually bring something for them to color or play with. We would get away with it until there was yet another talk telling us "no toys" Then I would get more creative - taking them to the bathroom or to the back - anything to help them take a break. My elder husband was not so understanding. If one was sitting beside him he would reach under their arm and pinch them with his nails. I wouls see the child squirming and take them to the back of the hall to get them away from him. I was so furious and would find these little bruises all over their arms after meetings. No amount of talking/fighting would make him stop. Glad I left and took the kids away from him - sadistic bugger
Rejoice in the healing and not in the pain.
Rejoice in the challenge overcome and not in the past hurts.
Rejoice in the present - full of love and joy.
Rejoice in the future for it is filled with new horizons yet to be explored. - Lee Marsh 2002 -
Thirdson
Thanks for this. You are right about what JW kids have to go through each day. While adult JWs in the work place rarely had issues with conflicting belief situations kids at school faced them nearly everyday. Morning assembly to stay out of for one. I cannot remember the amount of times I was asked “why?”. Then you had birthdays, Easter, Christmas, Halloween, Harvest Festival, Evolution, and Religious Education, not to mention national holidays and remembrances. However, I never had many problems with teachers (other than Biology...I dropped it in High School and went back to it later in college once I wasn't so Dubbish) and I think standards of teacher behavior has improved.
We were discussing my son's elementary school while driving past. He made a critical remark, ('cause middle school is so much better). I said, “the principal there was the nicest and kindest head teacher I had ever met.” I had spent an hour touring the school with him and I saw that in both the way he treated the kids and they way they interacted with him. I then related the time when I was in 2nd grade (7-8 yrs old). The principal returned with a kid from class and beat him mercilessly with a sneaker. He boasted that the kid screamed in his office but I guess, that after 40 blows, his buttocks were too numb to feel anymore pain. I told my son he was lucky to have the teachers he has today. With a school like that and being a JW on top its a wonder I didn't grow up to be even crazier than I sometimes think I am.
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terafera2
((ASHI))
Those who were raised as JWs were some of the best parents, and those are the people I miss the most. They WERE good
THANK YOU!
parents, and balanced things, buying presents, etc.But I think adult converts become too religiously selfish, that they forget the nuances that make childhood happy.
I have always kinda wondered if this were true.. it certainly was in my case! My mom would tell us not to have anything to do with holidays.. then go on to regale happy times opening Christmas presents, seeing the Easter Bunny give eggs out, etc. Then when I would say I wanted to do those things, she would say, 'oh your lucky, I didnt have the truth back then.' Then I would think to myself, 'yeah right, well i wish I didnt know the truth then!'
Now that I have left, I thank my mother for 28 years of no happy memories in my childhood.*sarcastically*
But it is true, I have to remember she was doing what she thought was right.
I hated it when a cute boy liked me and I knew it could go nowhere!! Shoot, I couldnt even call him. I remember in 9th grade this boy I liked SOOOOO much gave me his phone number on the bus. I took it home and saved it for months.. I didnt have the nerve to use it, but held it to remind myself that I wasnt so bad. Well, my mom finds it and calls the boy, but the boy isnt home. She talks to him mother, and tells her that her daughter is a JW and wont be dating!! Then she asked her if we had sex. Can you believe it????!!!!!! Can you imagine my horror to see this cute guy in high school with a funny look on his face. He wanted to know why my mom called his mom. We hadnt even talked on the phone, for God's sake!! UGGHGHGHGHGHHG!!!
Sorry, flashbacks making me mental!
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Monica
Scully,
Excellent thread! I totally agree with you about how much more difficult it is for JW kids compared to JW adults. No one understands unless you experienced it yourself! So many hearbreaking stories!!
I remember once I got asked to go skiing with someone I used to chit-chat with in high school and I had to tell her no, knowing my parents wouldn't let me. I hated telling people no when they invited me along. It used to make me feel so good that they wanted to hang out with me and it was so sad having to turn them down because being friends with 'worldly' people was forbidden.
I remember trying to miss as much school as I could during the prom time so no guys would ask me. I also avoided eye contact with guys during that time. In fact, I avoided guys as much as I could in high school for fear of being asked out. How sad is that?!
Tera - don't worry about your son missing a few holidays - you will be able to make it up to him! You know how you hear parents tell their kids stuff like, "when I was your age, I had to walk 5 miles to school in 3 ft of snow!"? You will have lots of these to tell your son when he gets older! haha!
I feel like I missed out a lot on my childhood, but I am so grateful that my kids won't be raised that way. I will enjoy seeing the smiles on their faces when they get to experience the things I missed out on!!
April - so sad about the painting!!!
So many depressing stories!!!
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Lady Lee
I have a comment and then a question.
When I was 16 my mother started on this campaign to get me married. I know she was scared I would have sex before marriage (although that was pretty impossible considering the very short leash I was on). But she would dress me up and we would go to different congregations and CA. She would talk to the single - mostly much older available brothers - and make it pretty clear she had a daughter of marriagable age. Some of these men were definitely mentally ill - guess no one else wanted them.
When I was 17 a young man started attending our book study - in our home - and would stay after to ask a lot of bible questions. At first she stayed to answer his questions but before long she was leaving us alone in the living room more and more. She would create excuses to get us together like me being friendly with him to make him more welcome. Well after 6 months of this she stormed into the kitchen one day when we were going over some mag or book or something and announced that we better get married or people will start to talk. She then said we had 5 minutes to think about it and then would be back.
I think we were both shocked. But he really liked me. I didn't really like him much but he was an improvement over some of the other older men - this one was at least my age. He said "So what do you think?" and I said OK. MY mother came in and was thrilled we said yes. She set the date - 6 weeks away - the week after he got baptized. He knew I didn't love him - barely knew him in fact.
Most people in the congregation were shocked. Not too many people knew him - or liked him. One sister even told me she thought I could do better. I would have said no to this whole arrangement if one of her sons was even remotely interested but then again I knew that neither of her sons would have allowed themselves to be railroaded like this.
After 2 weeks of marriage I knew this was a terrible mistake and begged her to let me come home - Answer: You made your bed now lie in it. Hmmm thought this was her idea and she was much more concerned about how it would look in the congregation if I left after 2 weeks. Would up staying for 15 years before I got the courage to leave.
OK my question: Do you know of any other JW kids this happened to. I now realize how sick my mother was/is but were other parents like this?
Rejoice in the healing and not in the pain.
Rejoice in the challenge overcome and not in the past hurts.
Rejoice in the present - full of love and joy.
Rejoice in the future for it is filled with new horizons yet to be explored. - Lee Marsh 2002