So an elder came to my door the other day in Field Circus. I looked through the peephole to see who it was, but the way the door is situated against the sky in the background I couldn't see anything but a silhouette. Not to mention he was standing off to the side so to make it hard for anyone to see who was knocking.
So I open the door thinking it was my friend since he is the only JW that knows where I live. WRONG! It was an elder in my hall. First thought, 'oh shit, good going you dumbass!' Fortunately, it was probably one of the coolest elders I've known. He really was out in FS and wasn't 'dropping by unannounced' to his credit.
Regardless, he did his little 2-3 minute 'hey how are you?' song and dance trying to 'break the ice' (I haven't been to the meetings in over a month) and of course, lead right into a mini 'shepherding call'. He was by himself so that was the good thing. Anyway, he talked a little bit about the elders school and some things he learned and he said that one thing he wanted to chat to me about was re-investigating my case of child abuse as a child. I asked why? He said that he feels it wasn't handled correctly back then and that the WTS is continuing to victimize me by not addressing it properly.
I truly felt that he had good intentions, but I told him that I really don't care what has been said about it, or what the outcome is anymore. The damage has already been done and I am through putting up with the hypocrisy and bullshit of the organization. I thought, 'well, there you have it, I basicly told him I no longer want to be a part of the org, here comes the JC!'. To my surprise, he said, 'I don't blame you, after all that you have gone through you have every right to feel the way I do.' I was a bit shocked, but thought, yeah this is the set-up to get me to say something incriminating. I kept quiet. He then relates to me his situation with his son and that his son is going through very similar victimization by the WTS with hsi ex-wife yadda yadda. In fact, he did most of the talking from that point and at the end he told me that he was putting together a letter to the society about the abuse that I've been put through for years by the elders and they way they manipulate the outcome of the JC rulings.
I told him thanks for the effort, but really, you don't need to do this. He was quite adamant about setting things straight. I told him bluntly that I will not sit in another JC again for any reason. Ever. I made it a point to tell him that rehashing all of this isn't helping me again, in fact it's the total opposite. It's reopening old healed wounds, I've put it behind me (the physical abuse as a child and mental, emotional and spiritual abuse as an adult), I've seen my share of therapists and counselors. I'm done. If he wants to pursue this letter that's all on him and I'm not supporting it one way or the other.
He makes the statement, 'we're really close to losing you aren't we?' I simply deflected the question with a question, 'how would you feel if you were in my shoes?' He shook his head in understanding and changed the subject to something lighter. He left a few moments later, but before he left he said that he was sorry I have been put through all of this.
I thanked him for his effort (I felt it was sincere, I've known him a few years) but said that I wouldn't be waiting for any response from him or the elders about whatever letter they'll send to Bethel.
In my eyes, I'm already 'gone' from the organization. There is nothing to go back to, it's an empty shell of a lifetime of abuse and hypocrisy that I've seen. It's like that scripture that talks about the dog returning to it's vomit. Going back to the WTS and investing my life back into that world is just like that dog.
It's a disgusting, horrific, agonizing mind-control cult. I would rather die than live in their 'Paradise on Earth' forever under rule by the Governing Body. Good thing I know that that fantasy they've painted is not the truth.
- Soldier
P.S. - Just had to vent again. Thanks for reading/listening. Have a good day all!