ok I will post my thoughts. I did not think you were gay-don't jump the gun. I was just thinking run don't walk and see that girl. Sounds like a nice girl and you sound like a nice guy. Sounds like a good thing.
While in, did you ever rationalize questionable behavior, entertainment, even sin as justifide?
by miseryloveselders 22 Replies latest jw friends
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simon17
Yeah violia,
Thats not necessarily so easy for a guy that has been confused and pent up and conflicted about how to act, how to be decisive, etc. I know because I think I'm in a similar mental situation as MLE.
Its just very difficult. You're stuck in this inexperienced, awkward stage of trying to make everyone happy; trying not to let anyone down; trying to see if you're still happy while you're juggling everything else.
My guess is if you hook up with this girl (or any girl, JW or otherwise), and it didn't work out or wasn't making you happy, that you'd have a very difficult time ending it, even if there was nothing left in the relationship for you.
I dont know, its hard to explain. And its not that he's a geeky shy guy that doesn't know how to attract a girl. I just think that being a conflicted JW for so long has really short-circuited the decision making process
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Violia
Life is so short, you have no idea how short it is. You are wasting precious time. You are still young so find someone to love and enjoy your life. Don't spend it worrrying about sin and the afterlife. That is for old folks.
Misery,don't spend your life wishing you had done something. Jehovah won't strike you down for having some fun. Ask that girl out on a date or coffee. I bet she is just waiting for you to ask.
it is ok to lack experience. The young lady seems to like him. Misery, you have to start somewhere,
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EmptyInside
I was always a Depeche Mode fan. And the "Violater" album is awesome. And a lot of their songs I always related to being a Witness, "Policy of Truth" "Clean" "Sea of Sin",etc.
And I always did rationalize various choices of entertainment,such as,watching the "R" rated movie,is okay,because it's only rated that for language.
I'm sort of in the same boat as you right now,trying to fade. But, the longer I'm mentally out,the more I just don't want to give any more of my life to the Watchtower. I just want to live my life and be happy. They make harmless things sinful,and we feel guilty over nothing.
Most of the ones I grew up with are disfellowshipped. Now,that I'm fading, I sometimes write to them,or call them,and have even went for a drink with one. In Watchtower land, I committed a grave disfellowshipping act,but to the rest of the world, I had a drink with an old friend.
The fact of the matter is, any Witness posting on an "apostate" site is indulging in questionable behavior to say the least. I'm including myself in this. And I don't feel guilty one bit anymore. Now, there are some things I feel really guilty about,but, that's another topic. lol.
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GrandmaJones
I agree with Viola. Misery, I think that you think too much. Sometimes you need to lead from the heart. Going on a date isn't a DF'ng issue. Have a little fun. It may help you with your decision.
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simon17
Playing along to these comments as if I was MLE:
He KNOWS it would be fun. He knows how to ask the girl out and have a good time and get her to like himm I'm guessing. But then what? Now you're stuck in a direction and no matter what happens, you're going to have to make some serious decisions which are going to hurt some people badly (her.. or family or friends... or yourself). It's easy to say "oh don't think about that." But how exactly does one turn their mind off to thinking about all these crazy consequences of being stuck in the middle of two worlds, not being sure which one to be in, and knowing you can't be in both? I haven't found a way to do that. -
Broken Promises
Sooner or later, Miz is going to have to man up and make some decisions regarding how he's going to live his life.
Is it easy? No, but that's part of life. Making decisions that may not make everyone happy, but ultimately Miz has to live his life in honesty and dignity.
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Violia
well, he either wants to /date marry in the Org. or not. Folks/date marry out of the org and are allowed to live. Being miserable is no fun and one way to solve this is to decide what he wants. Either way , finding someone you love and loves you too will make you feel like a new person. Pick a girl from one of those worlds and enjoy your life. You should be having fun. Having fun is not a sin.
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sherah
I think you should nix the card and just ask her out for coffee.
The theme of the card (thank you..for what?) is confusing. If your intention is to give her something in the spirit of the season, a simple non-religious seasonal card will accomplish that. You can find those at Hallmark stores.
If your intention is to get to know her, then be direct and ask her out. I hate when men beat around the bush. She's been giving you the green light so proceed.
No offense Bruh, but you sound a little wound up....you know what i mean. A little female companionship will take the edge off.
And yes, I've rationalized situations to take the sting out of miserable circumstances that I was dealing with. It's the first step in thinking for yourself and recognizing that standards/rules dictated by others may not be the best for us.