couriousconfused, welcome !!!
The deeper you are in something , the harder it is to get out.
I serve as an elder as well, and I still try to sort things out.
learning many things here and on other websides, it was and still is a liberating and the same time disturbing process.
In my mind, there is an ever changing list of pros and cons of JW. But what I am fully convinced after a lot of reading is, that the claim of being Gods only channel of communciation just doesnt add up. There is soo much nonsense (among valuable things) that we have been taught and force to believe, its almost incredible. On the other hand, there are people, I truly care about, and I have the feeling, as being a member of the conscious class, i can soften the load for them. And in my case, an exit is not possible either, due to family reasons. However, I consider steppping down seriously, just working out the plan and time table (this year, next year, depends...)
One advice please: Do not get scarred at some comments of posters here. While I try to understand their feelings, its not always fair and balanced, what people say here, but just view it at what it is: Their opinion. not more and not less.
But the forum here really shines bright, when certain weird things appear, like the guy from Bethel calling to sixscreens, and people, even though against the WTS religion, express their sentiments and doubts about such conspriacy theories.
So far, I have not been involved in a JC since my awakening. Most I attended in the past though, were individuals that commited fornication and were repentant. I felt like helping them more than judging them. But I always felt uncomfortable. Who knows, what the future holds, but being at an JC might be a breaking point for me. Definetely I could not attend on a case of "apostacy", but this seems anyway very unlikely to happen here.
PM me if you like, its good to know somebody in the same situation.
inbetween