Ok, last night my oldest son's friend was over again. He comes up to me and says that he's feeling alot of pressure from his mom and the congregation (my mother's ) to become a MS and ultimately an elder. The kid is only 15 for Christ's sake! His father already has him working in constuction doing drywall (aren't there child labor laws about that? Gotta look it up). I didn't say much other than he was too young to be push towards something like that but I want to say more without appearing to step on his parents toes...too much. I have my ideas, do you guys have any of your own? I know you do.
Your advice is requested
by mrsjones5 35 Replies latest jw experiences
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blondie
Well, I doubt that they will make him an MS at 15...so what are their goals for him to become an MS?
In the end, he has to stand up for himself...what does he want.
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tenyearsafter
I would discreetly ask him what he wants...is "reaching out" what he has as a goal? It is always difficult to get too involved in a minor's life, but it certainly can't hurt to ask him what he wants. Subtle planting of seeds can be very effective.
I'm with you on the child labor law violation...I don't think that type of work is typically legal for a 15 y/o...I guess the real question would be, is he getting paid for employment or is he "helping" his dad?
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leavingwt
I'll let others address the religion aspects. I would like to address his work.
It is a very good thing that this young man is being taught how to perform skilled labor at an early age. He is plenty old enough to work. This will serve him well throughout his life. I saw many, many 19-year-olds arrive at Bethel who had never done any physical labor and they terrified. Why? Because they were totally unprepared.
Just my two cents.
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mrsjones5
what does he want
Not sure. My husband has asked what does he think he might want to do after high school and the kid has no clue but that's understandable cuz he's a kid.
Oh and about the constuction thing according to California Child Labor Law children under 18 aren't allowed to do construction work or work around large machinery without a specific permit. From what he's told me he doesn't really like the work but he like that little bit of money he's been able to make under the table which leads me to believe that a permit hasn't been filed for him to work (a requirement under California law).
There's nothing wrong with learning a skill. I just can't help but think he's being groomed to not reach for higher learning and stay in the bOrg which he's told me he really doesn't want to do.
I think I will tell him what I told my younger brother when he was 17: make plans to get out when you're 18.
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maninthemiddle
I think you only need to ask him one question: Does he want to keep doing drywall for the rest of his life, or could he see himself doing something better?
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tec
If one of my son's friends came to me and asked me about religion (they are all mostly catholic), I usually answer them in the same way that I answer my son... with a little more diplomacy thrown in out of respect for their parents.
Take hell for example... I would explain why I don't believe in a typical burning hell doctrine; make reference to their own John Paul II's teaching, that it was not a literal place but rather a state, and then tell the boy that it is important to search for himself in order to come to his own conclusion. Research what he is taught about his religion - through his own religion's information, through others, and do his own personal study... and that it is also a good idea to verify the claims of any of the things he is told (including what I just told him), and has researched.
Okay, re-reading that, I think that's what I would tell MY son. Someone else's son, I would make reference to the former Pope, and then add the following:
Sometimes people have earned our trust and we trust them... but if we are having doubts at all, we should look into those doubts before committing to something we're not sure about. It is also never a bad thing to research what we're being taught, on our own, and most people will encourage that from you.
In your case, I would mention that getting baptized is a big decision, and one he can't take back according to his parent's religion. Then I might remind him that even Jesus was 30 before getting baptized, so he isn't going against anything biblical in choosing to wait.
Tammy
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mrsjones5
Does he want to keep doing drywall for the rest of his life, or could he see himself doing something better?
Good question.
In your case, I would mention that getting baptized is a big decision, and one he can't take back according to his parent's religion. Then I might remind him that even Jesus was 30 before getting baptized, so he isn't going against anything biblical in choosing to wait.
He hasn't taked about baptism but I'm sure he's being pushed towards it. That's something that I think I should bring up and point out the possible ramifications.
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alanv
Although a Uni education can be good, certainly here in the UK there are many graduates that are finding it hard to get a job. (Sorry for sounding like a Watchtower article.)
The truth is you can actually make a very good loving by being trained as an electrician or plummer etc. If I'm honest both my sons could have got better paid if they had followed the skilled manual jobs route rather than gone to Uni.
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mrsjones5
No doubt. Skilled labor can be just as worthy as a professional position but that wasn't really the point of my topic. The child expressed tp me that he's getting unwanted pressure to do something that he doesn't want to do and that IMHO he's just too young to consider. I'm trying to think of ways for him to avoid some of that pressure without stepping on his parents' collective toes and making unneeded trouble for the young man. He's only 15.
By the way, the parents know I'm not a jw. They also know my parents because they all go to the same hall. The kid is lucky he's allowed to come to my house. I'm trying to keep that door open.