(duplicate post)
Who or What Helped YOU Get Out Of The Watchtower Mindset?
by minimus 43 Replies latest jw friends
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DJPoetech
I love these stories!
I am 2nd Generation. I grew up around it for 20 years. Then went all in for 15 years.
Around year 13, I realized I was a terrible witness. I just couldn't find the love I was reading about in the Watchtowers. The love either in myself for the ministry or the love inside the congregation.
I decided and made a conscious decision to study like my life depended on it. The best way in my head was to go to the "source"... the bible.
I picked it up and just started to take it in. No watchtowers and no helps other than the scriptures.
After reading for a bit, I noticed some things that me and the bible agreed with but the WT was of no help.
So I broke protocol and went online to check some ideas out. That is when I ran into more information than I ever expected. The rest is history.
I always say that the feeling of doubt is just your brain starting to work. I just took the chance to go down the rabit hole.
YAY!
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kazar
For me it was this forum.
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sooner7nc
The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society is the one thing that led me away from the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. From the earliest time I can remember there was this little kernel of logical truth buried deep back in my brain that slowly grew into the flowering plant that is now my disdain for the WT. There was never one event or person that started this seed. I just always remember a thought buried very deeply inside that absolutely none of what I heard and was taught made a lick of sense, not one bit.
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GrandmaJones
It was collecting and reading old literature. I bought the Studies in the Scriptures as just artifacts and ended up reading them. Beginning of the end.
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jaguarbass
January 1, 1976. When that date came I started figuring out how to escape.
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TheLoveDoctor
it only took some reading of books like biology of belief, virus of the mind, spontanious evolution, excuses be gone and many more selfhelp books that that made sense and included scriptures with application that made sense. then i thought wow someone else can apply this scripture a diffrent way thats helpful if applied and can even apply to other statements in the bible. It only took other br. at the hall elders and ms when i judged them as well not doing what i thought the could or should, always late. not seeing those takeing the lead take the lead in cleaning, late for service, using before or after meetings for shepparding instead of associating with the friends, makeing sure assighnments are covered and starting on time. Just a whole bunch of little things that ment a lot to me as an elder. So i guess i got cridicle thinking, began researching and learned of inconsistancey in thier writings, and well dishonesty. I believe that even though the org was run by imperfect men if it is guided by Jehovah, Jesus christ and the holy spirit well the must be pretty imperfect also. the anouances at the hall i'v allways delt with but you put that together with whats in print with eyes openes and yes unfortonatly it to a websight to point out those inconsistancy and that was it. Nov i went to hawiie international conv. I had already began looking things up by Jan i told the coordinating elder i wanted to step down, gave some wife excuses and the fact that i cant shut of my brain cause of allways being bussy wich was true. However, there was alot more to it than that. by end of feb it was afficial stepped down of course i stopped my labors when i spoke up. and haven commented sinse feb of last year and purposely let my hours dwindle. this is the first month sinse 1994 that i was innactive. Now i have to deal with my jw wife pray for me
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Awen
Research, research and more research. Praying for the Holy Spirit to guide me and open my eyes, no matter what that meant. Reaffirming my service to God and his Son even if it meant opposing the WTS.
It took a while and still find myself plagued by WT beliefs, but things are moving along and I feel I'm on track with my lfe.
I do tend to go back during the Memorial, just to annoy the Elders. It's alot of fun for me to refuse to sumbit to their "authority" and they can't do anything about it since I'm no longer an "official" JW.
Kinda like being a feral agent talking to the local cops. You're completely above their authority and they know it. More importantly you know it as well and it empowers you.
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AGuest
It kind of began when I saw the chart I had included in a letter to the WTBTS in February 1994 in the October 15, 1995 WT (may you all have peace!). It was published verbatim, even set out exactly as in my letter. Er?! I mean, sure, perhaps it was "new light" but why in the world did they need to use MY chart? I'd only sent it as a suggestion. But they didn't even bother to revise it. That was a bit... ummmm... "curious" to me. Exciting, yes... but curious.
It got "curious-er" when I saw the fear in Carey Barber's eyes... and nervousness in his body language... when he realized that I realized (and it was a bit of a shock, I admit!) that he was not "anointed" at all! I had been told by my Lord (who sent me to Bethel) that the message I was to take would not be well-received (it wasn't - I was accused of "talking to demons." Whatever...). I thought it wouldn't be well-received because I was a "sister" (you know, and so not supposed to "give counsel" to a "brother." Okay...). So, I tried to deliver it as humbly and submissively as I possibly could (oh, lordy, my grovelling would have made even the strongest stomachs on this forum upchuck...). I had absolutely NO idea that it was because they were imposters! (The message was that the WTBTS teaching that when we die we "pay" for our sins and so will be resurrected cannot be true... because our blood cannot atone for sin - only Christ's blood can. Thus, we are still dead, after we die, because only he can bring us to life. Death is the wage paid, yes, but it does not guarantee us life. Life... after death... which is eternal... is a gift from God. I digress.)
Anyway, it all began to come to a "head" during my [numerous] JC meetings: my Lord would tell me what to say... and I would just say it. Then they would deny the truth of it. So, then my Lord would direct me to a supporting scripture (I knew very few at the time). Well, the men on my tribunal didn't like that, nor did they want to open their Bibles. At all. When they did open them it was only because I did (which I didn't really need to do - I trusted what my Lord told me). But apparently they didn't want to look as if they didn't know what the Bible said in front of each other, so when I opened mine, they would reluctantly drag theirs back out of their bookbags and open them (which was quite comical, actually, because they would return them back right after each verse. So, they kept taking them out and putting them back. They also kept trying to keep me from opening mine ("We don't need the Bible, sister. We can just look it up in the Reasoning book." Er?! They also often had trouble locating the verses because they didn't know where the actual book was located in the Bible! Not that that's a big deal, but I mean, we're talking a PO and two BS conductors. No pun intended).
As time went on (I had a total of 14 meetings), they ultimately refused to open them. Just refused. They would try to refer to the WT but that didn't work (I would bring several with me, based on the previous meetings' discussion and so would look up the misquoted and/or taken out of context verses and show them were the WT was in error). So, they ultimately would only refer to the Reasoning book (but that didn't work either, for the same reason). As you can guess, things began to get very tense.
[Note, early on, say, the first 7-8 meetings, I really didn't get that they didn't/wouldn't get it, that they didn't even WANT to. I am a bit ashamed to say that I just thought they were... well, slow. You know, having reading comprehension problems. I knew that a lot of JWs didn't have extenstive education, and some had really poor reading skills, so I thought that was the issue (this actually was the case with one of them, so...). As time went on, however, they became more and more hostile. Yet, they did not say I was wrong, that what I was showing them was wrong, or that I was an apostate. Not once. They did ask me not to share anything that I was sharing with them with others and I promised I wouldn't... so long as no one asked me (I said I would have to tell such one the truth, though, if they did).]
Well, it finally got to where one of the "brothers" literally screamed at me... and then I KNEW.
It was during the 13th meeting. Two of the "brothers" had been getting angrier and angrier (which is a curious thing to watch, under the circumstances - why are you getting angry at what's written in the Bible, which the WT says is the "authority"??)... and I began to understand... because I could now SEE... what my Lord meant by "weeping and gnashing their teeth." They were literally doing that! They weren't crying, per se, but they were certainly whining (seriously... and it was weird. I was watching grown men turn into petulent children!)... as well as actually grinding their teeth. I could literally see their jaws "working"... because they had SO much anger!
Well, in this meeting they refused to open their Bibles so I just told them what my Lord told me to say, which was written somewhere in the Bible (I had told them from the first whose voice I was hearing - which, interestingly, they never took issue with). So, one of them (the least literate one - and I can say this because I knew him personally - until the JC was formed my ex and I played cards with him and his wife quite frequently) said, "You're going beyond the things written. You're NOT supposed to go beyond the things written!" And I responded, "Yes, but the things written WHERE, Brother?" To which he responded, "The things WRITTEN IN THE WATCHTOWER!"
Something happened at that moment that I can only describe as the "scales falling from my eyes." It was as if the "red pill" had finally kicked in and there was the "real" world... big, bold, bright... and ugly... and all laid out right in front of me. At the same time, however, I felt a HUGE... "weight"... lift from me. Like I could now BREATHE... as I never had before. It was as if that statement validated for me... in a way I needed... who they were NOT. Not just those men but the entire organization. From that moment, they sat in front of me as mere men. Not brothers, not elders, not even friends. Just... well, three guys. Three random guys that have absolutely no power, no authority, no credibility... and nothing that related to anything relating to me. Virtually strangers. I literally saw them in a new light (pun intended).
The outburst caused a silence in the room, however, that lasted for less then two seconds but was... indescribable. It was broken when the PO hastily said, "No, the things written in the Bible!"
But... that bird had flown. It was out and could not be brought back, no matter what was said. And they knew it. We all knew it. But they wouldn't allow themselves to believe I knew it.
We had one more meeting after that, but I was simply resigned by that time. I shared a couple/few minor "truths", things we had discussed before, but not much and the meeting ended quickly. They were very subdued this time... but I had "changed." I knew it... and they knew it. I was no longer humble or "submissive." Of course, I wasn't rude or aggressive or anything like that. But I was just... well, no longer bound. I had absolutely NO fear of them; but I also had absolutely NO regard... or respect... for them. I had nothing for them. One way or the other. They had become like the world to me: of no matter whatsoever, really. And they knew it. I think we all knew that time that it was "over."
They made a feeble attempt to meet with me a 15th time, but I declined. I told them that I had nothing more to share, that I had told them all that my Lord had given me and there was no more. Nothing else to discuss. Nada. Nunca. Zilch. And so, later that week the PO called to say I would be disfellowshipped. I did ask what for and whether I was going to be labeled an "apostate" (I didn't really care, but was curious). He said, no, since I hadn't said anything that wasn't supported by the Bible, they couldn't call me an apostate. Rather, I was being disfellowshipped for... wait for it... disobedience. Because I had "refused" to meet "one more time". Yeah, okay.
I told the "brother" that they should go ahead and do what they had to do. He pleaded with me to meet again (he really had tried to NOT have me DF'd all throughout) and said that he really DIDN'T want to have to do it. I told him, "I understand you've got to do what you've got to do. I won't hold it against you and I forgive you." He then begged me to appeal and I told him that I absolutely would appeal. He said good, that he was relieved and would speak to the appeal committee immediately. I then told him that I wasn't going to appeal to men... as I no longer had any trust in them. So, I would appeal to my Father in the heavens.
And the rest, as they say, is history. Or herstory. Whatever.
The one thing I can say is that my experience did a wonderful thing for me: while it showed me who they weren't, it did not, at any time, shake my faith in God or Christ. I listened and virtually everything my Lord said would occur... and how... did occur. Which is how I got through it. Virtually alone. Because they would not let my ex... who was a baptized brother "in good standing" at the time... attend a single one of my meetings. Not one. I could have insisted on not going... but that wasn't what my Lord wanted. He said I should go and I would NOT be alone because he would be with me. I had to talk my ex "down" quite a few times, though.
Ultimately, learned that had I not gone they would have just labelled me an apostate (they ultimately have), DF'd me and then excused themselves on all sorts of grounds. However, they absolutely know that they were hypocritically without merit throughout the entire ordeal. As the PO said in one meeting, "'Jehovah' is going to judge us for this." One "brother" agreed with him ("Yes, He is"). The third... and most "grindy" one, however, said... wait for it... "Let Him."
I shook the dust off my feet... and never looked back.
I bid you all peace!
A slave of Christ,
SA
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Broken Promises
I don't hear voices in my head (may you have a piece of cake), but I instead accredit my own thinking abilities with my leaving. This was before the internet.
One of the things that lead me out was the Greatest Man book. I think we were studying it for the 2nd or 3rd time, and as we were going through it, I started to see similarities between the Pharisees and the elders/WTS.
I kept my thoughts to myself at first, as I thought about what spirituality meant. I had one or two discussions with ppl I thought were "friends" only to be told that I was going to get myself into trouble if I went around questioning things. So I learnt to stay silent.
But over time, my questions just weren't being answered. Bored during the meetings, I started to read whole paragraphs at a time, and I came to realise that what the Watchtower was teaching wasn't what the Bible actually stated.
The last year I went witnessing, I used just the Bible. I didn't want to be a magazine seller anymore. Eventually, I just saw no reason to go witnessing. I didn't know why I stopped, just that there was no point to it.
Work circumstances meant I didn't have time to attend every meeting. I didn't mind, because I found the meetings mind-numbingly boring and I found myself mentally disagreeing with some of their teachings.
BTW, I was a 3rd gen JW, so this was groundbreaking for me. I kept up the charade of being a witness to my family to avoid any unpleasantness.
Eventually, I found the internet. At first I was scared to look at anything "apostate" but eventually I did, and I realised that they weren't telling lies like we'd been told. I already knew about Beth Serim, pyramidology and other early history of the JWs.
Eventually it was too much. I stopped going to the meetings completely. The last straw was the Memorial, I decided to go there for my last meeting. With opened eyes, I saw the Memorial as a cold, unfeeling meeting - quite the opposite of what it should be. It confirmed for me that I had made the right decision.