For a long while I have been coming to this site on a daily basis and I think it is time to introduce myself. Here we go: my parents learned the truth when I was 4 and I don't have childhood memories of how life was before they converted. I was a model JW child, although quite mischievous at school. I was baptized a few days before turning 14 and as an exemplary teen I was often used in assembly demonstrations and participated in a few dramas, including one at an international assembly. At the end of the 60's I dropped out of High School since an education in the world would be worthless in a few years - we were expecting the end to arrive any day now. Not wanting to live forever as a single man I married when I was still a teenager and in our case everything worked out well, although the last few months have been more difficult due to my lost interest in "spirituality". Shorty after 75 we had children and now we have grand children who are in school! They are the joy of our life and I can't imagine what life would be like if we had obeyed the WTS instruction to not have children so close to the end. During my life I was a MS on and off but never an elder. I was reaching out but I was not a 100% yes-man. I assumed all the responsibilities including the accounts, public talk coordinator and until its discontinuation, book study conductor. From a young age I gave public talks and the skills acquired through the years have allowed me in my profession. Research for a public talk is also what put me on the path that lead me here! Two years ago I was preparing a talk that discussed the composite the sign of the end and I wanted updated information showing increases in earthquakes amongst other things - any credible source was contradicting the WT publications. I gave the talk twice and I could no longer share with others information I didn't believe in. At that time I decided I would no longer serve as a MS and I fully dedicated myself to a new job - traveling extensively and missing as many meetings as possible. Still, with my service hours going down to almost zero and the odd Sunday meeting attendance no one talked to me about the situation. My name still appeared on the service meeting schedule. So I approached an elder and told him that I was no longer an example in meeting attendance and field service and my conscience was bothering me. At first he said they understood my situation and would be patient, allowing me to make a few adjustment to my work schedule...but I insisted that the stress of the job combined to my guilty conscience was affecting my health. My deletion was announced to the chagrin of many. Taking my distance from the congregation and spending more time trying to find answers to my questions raised more doubts than answers. The most damaging information actually came from within the WT publications, not rantings from frustrated apostates. The changes on the blood policy, the society's view on education, limiting our research to the WT's library and even the four page folder illustrating how one should or shouldn't dress to visit Bethel with the subsequent meeting parts on this trivial subject started warning bell ringing in my head. I started to realize how much control the WTS had over my life and that had a say in everything I did or thought. Then last summer's DC mid June - the WT study review was the one explaining the new light on "generation" and I just coudn't wait for the final talk. There it was - the poor brother giving the talk sounded like he was trying to convince himself and ended up reading over the exact words from those two paragraphs of the WT. I was watching the audience and the only reaction I saw was people nodding their head in approval. From my seat I could see all the older ones who were promised they wouldn't grow old, not having to worry about retirement or life insurance since they would enter alive in the new system...it brought tears to my eyes. At that moment I realized that in a few years my wife and I would be replacing them in their seats and they would be gone. After the session all I could hear was the proverbial "this was the best convention ever" or "wasn't this great spiritual food at the proper time"...nothing on the new light. On our way home I asked my wife if she understood why this new light was made necessary? She said that the brothers make mistakes, but regardless this was still the truth. I replied that the WTS had to twist the significance of Jesus' word to cover up another failed prediction and that I could no longer change what I believed in and preached for decades based on 3 phrases found in two paragraphs of a WT and without scriptural evidence. I broke down and told her that this had been my last meeting. I would rather work night and day to avoid going to the meetings, that life was not worth living only to please others. It broke her heart and mine and we cried a lot during the next few days but the subject is taboo and she will not discuss anything "spiritual" with me since I have been contaminated by what I read on the internet. Instead she has been more active in service and meeting attendance and I am sure she is getting plenty of "brotherly love" during her time of trial. But I haven't attended a meeting since and I have no intention of going back. The thing I miss the most is her company when she goes to the meetings, but that's my fault. Lately we traveled abroad together and we enjoyed ourselves. The thing I love the most is that I no longer feel I am racing on a stationary bike - I have time to do things that I couldn't before, like reading a book the is not published by the WTS, something I haven't done for half a century.
Never too late
