My toilet started screaming at me about a month ago, You flush it and it's refilling and everything is fine and then it starts screaming. I mean it sounds like it's being tortured (no cheap jokes please). It's a fluidmaster and I went online and it turns out there's a whole web site for screaming fluidmaster toilets. Who knew?
We have hot water gas heat. There is an expansion when the heated water works through the cold pipes. Gentle pings also a sound like a gun shot. Chopping sounds like someone chopping down a tree. Chop chop......... chop. I am not amused.
Footsteps on my stairs, I can hear them plain as can be.......no one there. It always happens when a landscape truck with a trailer in back slows down on my street. The trailer goes bump bump bump bump-bump. I still think there's something coming up my stairs. I doubt my shotgun will be sufficient.
My wife invited a 'sensitive' to come over and check out the house. The sensitive said yep you've got ghosts, you can see them out of the corner of your eye. I thought I was seeing something out of the corner of my eye........ I'll be darn. Ghosts she said. Both corners of my eye I asked. No, she said, just the corner further away from your nose. Right I said. How much are we paying her I asked my wife.
I said those floating black dots I see all of the time...... are those ghosts? Yes she said, how intelligent of you. On the rare occasion when those black dots come together you'll see an entire person. Have you seen that happen I asked. Not and lived to tell about it she said.
What about the red dot in someone's eyes you see in a snapshot what's that about? That’s your good old demon procession she said But my camera has a red dot remover I said.
That's why it has a red dot remover she said....... make sure you use it at all times. It's called a DDE, that stands for demon digital eraser. You can't sell a camera in Asia without having the DDE option on it.
No kidding I said. No kidding she replied I never kid. I can believe that, I said.
I need to leave now, she said, your house is freaking me out. I don't take checks.. .......cash please.
I don't have any cash the ghosts always take it.
Then a check will be fine she said.
It's in the mail I said.