On being reasonable

Lion Cask

Recap. Non-JW man with JW wife. She joined after we were married, against my wishes. That was 33 years ago. We've gone over more than a few rough patches because of it. I'm trying in earnest to get her to see the truth about The Truth but progress is slow, maybe not even evident.

Because I love my wife I hate to see her unhappy, and unhappy is what she is when I challenge her faith in the WTS. Up until a couple of years ago, when one of my wife's nephews got himself DF'ed, I would allow accomodations. I was sufficiently indifferent about some things before I got a closeup view of how JWs will turn their backs on people they say they love. I don't give a tinker's damn about what people believe so long as they don't hurt others and once that line is crossed, it's crossed. So, the accomodations have stopped.

When my uber-JW BIL, or any another JW individual or couple or family member would come to dinner I would routinely ask them if they'd like to say a blessing, and the invitation was always routinely accepted. I don't do that anymore. The food gets served and I chow down while the others at the table are closing their eyes, bowing their heads and saying silent prayers to their Jehovah-God. We used to accept invitations to anniversary dinners, weddings and other social gatherings with JWs, now I do not. I like these people, but the conversation has gone over to the Watchtower too many times and I'm just not interested in hearing it any more, so I'm just not going to. I have told my wife if I am henceforth involved in a conversation about the Watchtower I will no longer hold back what I know, and this is sufficient to discourage her from accepting invitations on our behalf. I am civil, I am pleasant, I am friendly and respectful toward Jehovah's Witnesses but after three decades of compromise I'm not going to accomodate them any longer.

I'm a stubborn son of a bitch when I want to be, so I sometimes do the wrong thing. I want to get my wife out of the WTS, but I don't want to compromise my values and principles any longer and lend any credibility to an organisation I have come to despise. Am I being reasonable, or not?

tec

Up until a couple of years ago, when one of my wife's nephews got himself DF'ed, I would allow accomodations. I was sufficiently indifferent about some things before I got a closeup view of how JWs will turn their backs on people they say they love. I don't give a tinker's damn about what people believe so long as they don't hurt others and once that line is crossed, it's crossed. So, the accomodations have stopped.

Have you said this to your wife?

I find this a tough question to answer, because it messes with your relationship with your wife, whom you love. I don't personally think you're being unreasonable based on the above. But what does she hope for or think?

Tammy

Open mind

"Am I being reasonable, or not?"

Reasonable, yes.

Effective in waking up your wife? Time will tell.

Wishing you strength and peace.

om

troubled mind

You are not being unreasonable . Why should you always be the one that has to compromise for their benefit ? If it was the other way around would they allow or even ask you to say a blessing over a dinner ? Do they accomandate any of your personal beliefs ?

After thirty years it is YOUR turn my friend . You would think after all that time they would know you well enough to see something has caused you to see them in different light (the df'd relatives treatment ) But ,no they are always in the right .......

Be the voice of reason !

tec

Ah, I think Troubled Mind was the voice of reason just now, in this thread.

Lion Cask

Have you said this to your wife?

Yes, Tammy.

Effective in waking up your wife? Time will tell.

And that's the rub, isn't it, om? Accomodations say "everything's ok", but everything's not ok.

moshe

I have told my wife if I am henceforth involved in a conversation about the Watchtower I will no longer hold back what I know, and this is sufficient to discourage her from accepting invitations on our behalf.

This would get your wife put on the "contaminated by apostates" list. She would become a pariah at the KH, due to your vocal opposition to WT teachings. She knows this would happen, so it's all about keeping your ideas undercover from the elders.

Lion Cask

This would get your wife put on the "contaminated by apostates" list. She would become a pariah at the KH, due to your vocal opposition to WT teachings. She knows this would happen, so it's all about keeping your ideas undercover from the elders.

Not a good tactical option I suppose, moshe?

moshe

LC, it depends on how loyal your wife is your her marriage. The Kh would defintely give her the cold shoulder- and her JW family would stop being friendly, too. You see, by stiffing your wife, they show that they are loyal to the WT org and will turn their backs on any apostate contamination. Perhaps your wife could convince them she has not been affected by your opposition, but then again, most JWs won't take the chance- a little leaven spoils the whole batch, as they say.

30 years is a long time to wait. Have you been to a marriage counselor? Sometimes, stupidity is only seen when you have to explain your actions to an unbiased outsider.

Lion Cask

30 years is a long time, but I'm not sure I would typify it as waiting. I was climbing the corporate ladder and my plate was always full. It was like we had about 50% of our lives together and the rest doing our own things. I took early retirement a couple of years ago and now have a whole lot of time on my hands that I didn't have before. But no, we haven't seen a marriage counselor because neither of us sees much chance in our marriage going south, although neither of us is completely happy about this disparity of perspective. I'm not sure it would do much good, anyway. If the counselor saw my side of things I would expect it would be brushed off as one more example of the world being wrong.

On being reasonable

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