I'm talking to an elder this saturday.

by voltaire 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • voltaire
    voltaire

    I've finally gotten up the nerve to make a clean break. This saturday at 3:00, I'm having lunch with an elder. (those latins eat so late! Who has lunch at 3:00? Oh well) I'm going to tell him that I don't think it's the truth. I am so fed up with pretending. I've been racking my brain for 4 years, trying to make sense of things, and it just don't add up. I basically want to be disfellowshipped. That may sound strange to you folks, especially the fade-awayers. Since my wife is a JW, I can't move away. This will be the end of my marriage, there's no way I want to be married to someone who thinks the way they do. It would be no fun having a mate with an entirely separate set of friends. At this point I want to have a family, but without children who think their father is going to be killed by god.

    I posted earlier about having met a girl from Ecuador, and how that really stirred up a lot of feelings. i appreciate the advice to back off and do one thing at a time. Very practical. I need to finish this, let a little time pass, and then I can explore other options. It's hard to think when your emotions are churned up like that. But the experience was useful. It made me realize that there are people I could actually be happy with. whether it's this woman or another isn't the point. I feel like I have a chance to be happy again, so I'm a little excited, and nervous, of course.

    I've opened a bank account and gotten a new credit card in my own name. I've check out apartments, too. So, I think I'm really going to do it. Wish me luck!

  • teenyuck
    teenyuck

    Good Luck! (you may want to bring your recorder )

    I am glad things are working out. Let us know what happens.

    My fingers are crossed, in your favor!

  • wildeflower
    wildeflower

    Good Luck - you will be so happy :)

  • ThiChi
    ThiChi

    Don’t give up on your wife! I took some good points from R Franz book, ISOCF and just asked her for her thoughts on the issues I wanted to relate to her. Man, after some time, I saw the light go on in her............now, she is much more critical of the j-dubs than I!!!........

    “We all fell down from the milky way, hanging around here for the judgement day, heaven only knows who’s in command.”- Jimmy Buffet

  • Nazereth
    Nazereth

    All the best with it. I would strongly reccomend against the "Religeous suicide" of involvement with another woman as a means of escape. If indeed thats what you meant, apologies if I am assuming too much. I did just that and the feelings of guilt and shame at doing what I thought was best for my poor deluded ex wife only served to add to the anguish and isolation I felt after 6the disfellowshipping that ensued. I would say that the most important thing is that you are honest with yourself and everyone else, in order that you r peace of mind and self esteem remain intact. Once again im sorry if I misread your comments and have assumed too much.

  • David Gladden
    David Gladden

    BEFORE you do ANYTHING... Get a lawyer!

    Get a lawyer!
    Get a lawyer!
    Get a lawyer!

    Explain to him your situation and the consequences of leaving - do this with WTS literature.

    Do not communicate with anyone associated with the WTS without your lawyer.

    Do not communicate with anyone associated with the WTS in any way without recording the conversations.

    When you do communicate with someone using your lawyer, INSIST that everyone involved in the meeting state their full names, in what capacity they are acting, and name all the legal organizations they are representing (Cong Name, WTBTS, etc.) Also have them specifically state whether they have the authority to act on behalf of the different legal organizations and in what capacity(ies). If anyone refuses to give all of this information, insist that they leave or you and your lawyer leave and send a certified letter to PO of the congregation.

    If an anonymous voice wants to join the meeting via speakerphone, insist they provide all of the same information. If the person refuses, hang up the phone.

    Have the meeting at a place other than the KH or other location not under control of the elders.

  • JT
    JT

    i don't mean to sound like I'm dogging my amn here , but i don't get it.

    Why after one realizes this ain't the truth does one feel the need to meet with the "elders" now i could understand if you are meeting with some of the Boys in Writing or On the Service desk or even if you are meeting with some members of the GB, but to meet with some dudes who hand out "Cheese on crackers at Walmart" - damn ones life has got to be really bad off

    i think back now on the basic caliber of your avg elder - esp if the elders are not well educated or rolling in the big bucks

    but instead some guy who works at the local Mill on the line and at night changes into "SUPER KNOWLEDGE MAN" By PUTTING ON HIS "Elder Cape"

    you guys need to get it together, why do you all continue to want to meet with some guy who works in the MailRoom.

    I guess if it gives you some sense of control then Cool
    but to waste a wonderful Sat "Jaw Boning" with a fool is a joke in my opinion

    I just don't get it

    it kinda reminds me of folks who go off on the little 16year kid behind the counter at "Hoochie Burger"- if you can't deal with the dude who owns the Million dollar jiont, why waste time with the little 16yr kid who knows no more about what is going on than you do-

    just my 2-

    why not take your lady friend out

    doing well fiyour life is really bad offdog my man or

  • JT
    JT

    i don't mean to sound like I'm dogging my Man here , but i don't get it.

    Why after one realizes this ain't the truth does one feel the need to meet with the "elders" now i could understand if you are meeting with some of the Boys in Writing or On the Service desk or even if you are meeting with some members of the GB, but to meet with some dudes who hand out "Cheese on crackers at Walmart" - damn ones life has got to be really bad off

    i think back now on the basic caliber of your avg elder - esp if the elders are not well educated or rolling in the big bucks

    but instead some guy who works at the local Mill on the line and at night changes into "SUPER KNOWLEDGE MAN" By PUTTING ON HIS "Elder Cape"

    you guys need to get it together, why do you all continue to want to meet with some guy who works in the MailRoom.

    I guess if it gives you some sense of control then Cool
    but to waste a wonderful Sat "Jaw Boning" with a fool is a joke in my opinion

    I just don't get it

  • Francois
    Francois

    David is right:

    Get a lawyer
    Get a lawyer
    Get a lawyer

    Get one before you say a word to anyone for any reason.

    Frankly, I admire your decision and your honesty with yourself. Why would you want to live with someone who thinks as does your wife? And your children think that God's gonnet get you? That's not a life and I don't blame you for opting out.

    Frank

  • Marilyn
    Marilyn

    Please, please don't give them the satisfaction of labelling you adulterous (even if it's just in your heart). Don't mention your interest in another woman. They'd just love to have another reason to blame for your apostasy - coz they really don't get it that you could actually stop believing.

    I think you have long since fallen out of love with your wife, or else you'd try harder to help her. Well that's fine, but be aware that there is no such thing as 'greener pastures'. Every relationship has it's own difficulties. I really wish you could seperate your desire to leave the troof with your desire to take on a new relationship. I'm sure it must be very difficult for you.

    If you tell the elders you want to be disfellowshipped, they are likely to play hard ball btw. They like to dictate the terms. We didn't want to be disfed, so they did. Perhaps that's the angle you should be taking. Tell em' you don't want to be disfed - and that's what they'll do.

    Best wishes to you for your future happiness
    Marilyn

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