If Your Husband (wife) is Still In - -

by Had To Go 31 Replies latest jw friends

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  punkofnice

  My wife and dughter still very much IN. When I (raised in the lie), announced I'd discovered it was a cult and simply stoppoed going...the wife is now more zealous in the filthy cult than she ever was when I was an elder.

  She won't let me talk when I bring up why I left the Borg. It's a kind of fingers in ears 'La La La La LAaaaa I'm not listening. You can't make me...LALALALALALALALAALALALAAAA!' kind of response.

  I fear she'll die in the Borg. Unhappy, depressed (as she is), wondering why big Jar-Hoover doesn't answer her prayers and hoping I'll return to the anti-Christ cult.

  No amount of logig, scriptural or otherwise reaches her. *SIGH*
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  J. Hofer

  wife's in, but usually not that much, we don't talk about the topic. we spend time with JWs, DFed and "worldly" people. i never DAd to make things easier... for the moment.
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  Had To Go

  But you can be successful for your children to grow and not get entrapped into the JW non-thinking mind.

  This is my mind-set MOST of the time. Try to not stress too much on getting my husband out. But try to teach my boys to think for themselves and let them know that there are choices in life.

  i never DAd to make things easier... for the moment.

  That's hard as well, isn't it? I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to DA on one hand but I don't want to make it hard on my 2 young boys and my husband. At least JWs can come over now, if they dare.
• 

  Had To Go

  Yes, Sister HTG, you get a "W" on formatting... Maybe next post we can give you a "G"...

  I should at least get one now. It took a minute!!
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  life is to short

  I am in the same bolt. It is so hard as when I married we both believed now that I am out it is hard to watch him go to the meetings knowing he comes home depressed and sad.

  Now with the Memoral coming up he wants me to go but he is so mad at the hall that he wants to go to another hall for the memoral. If I go I just want to go to the hall we were in.

  It is so much stress and hurt, I wish it could be different.

  LITS
• 

  alias

  Do you vacillate between caring that he/she is still entrapped in this cult and wanting to show them everything you have learned since your awakening and not wanting to rock the boat and therefore just keeping all this knowledge to yourself?

  Yes. Hubby's in and through the years when I've tactfully (and sometimes not) tried to share things with him, a steel door in his mind instantly shuts because he has a bias filter that instantly kicks in and impacts his objectivity. Many soft discussions usually turn into emotional disagreements, so I can only unfold in my own process while hoping someday he may be ready to consider a different viewpoint.

  Some JWs need the security they feel under the organization's blanket with its black and white thinking and comforting "answers" about the unknown. So many variables impact how someone moves in life... some need to live in the JW fantasy just to survive sometimes. I feel for them.

  alias
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  stuckinamovement

  I am still working on finding that balance. My wife has called me an apostate to my face yet still will listen to any comments I make about the Organization. She saw that I resigned as an elder due to matters of conscience and supported it. She has not taken me to the elders and probably won't.

  However she is not ready to leave just yet but is starting to almost allow herself to consider it. We both still go to meetings but I have told her that I am giving it six months before I make a decision to stay or go. (5 mos left). She gets very defensive if I bring up something that is too hard to process mentally like, "this organization has never had God's spirit as evidenced by all of the false predictions in Jehovah's name". I think that it is a cumulative effect of inconsistencies that will finally help her to realize that she is trapped in a lie.

  Bottom line is it is tough to admit to yourself that you have been suckered into devoting your whole life to a religious publishing corporation that pretends to be guided by God. I would like to think that I am of average intelligence yet was suckered into giving my youth, sacrificed an education and spent 1000's of hours promoting a fabrication.

  Sucks once you realize it. Some people are more comfortable ignoring the obvious. I wish you the best.

  SIAM
• 

  potleg

  You can keep asking the questions and sowing the seeds of doubt. You can be as patient as you possibly can. But as long as he is staunchly in and you are adamantly out you will never, ever get back to anything like the fairytale.

  There are no happy endings between believers and non-believers in Watchtower Land.

  Between you is an iron curtain, barbed wire and the organizational dogs.

  Good luck. I hope you can get him out.

  I never could.

  I loved her, behind the wall, but she turned and walked away.
• 

  Crisis of Conscience

  I can describe my experience in some ways to stuckinamovement .

  While my wife claims she has not outright called me an apostate, she says listening to me is like listening to an apostate speak. You do the math. Despite referring to things DIRECTLY from the Watchtower, I sound like an apostate.

  Frustrating to say the least. It's strange though because she has become more open-minded than in the past. We have had some excellent conversations at times AFTER she seemed to have processed what I said. She gives it thought and admits she agrees with what I have said.

  I figured out that at times, without meaning to, I come on to strong with my feelings about the org. And that's probably why I have seen her pick up her studying habits more. After ruining two evenings on two different occasions becasue of my expressions, I have decided to no longer discuss these things with her for a little while. We do Bible reading together, and as far as that goes, I told her I will no longer discuss what we read. I will just read so as to not start any "spiritual" conflicts. She's fine with that.

  I feel I have a great marriage. In the long run, while I want to help her, I am more concerned with being honest with myself. And that is going to involve some hard decisions, like no more meetings. The battle in your head gets worse, IMO, when you hear the things at the hall and yet know the truth.

  Hang in there Had To Go . There is always hope.

  CoC
• 

  Black Sheep

  Seeing as you have kids, pop down to the library and get this book, or something like it.

  Teach Your Child How to Think Edward de Bono

  There is nothing in this book that a Dub can challenge without looking like a right tw@.