Husbands are adorable when they try and prevent pain in their partners. After all, so many of us women wear our hearts on our sleeves! It is just great that you two are travelling this road together, at the same time. Take it from me, she can handle the transition, just as you are.
Progress ( I think? ) in helping my wife to see the "truth"
by stuckinamovement 93 Replies latest members private
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stuckinamovement
When you find out that the organization that supposedly had "all of the answers" is a sham, it feels as if you have been betrayed or cheated on. That is the situation my wife is in now. This is good because we are now exiting as a couple.
When you realize the fact that you had put such faith in this structure and built your entire life and future around it only to find that it is a mirage can be devastating. A lifetime of mind control is not easy to jettison in a few months or even years. You need to feel as if there is something real to replace the fantasy.
I know there have been many threads about this, but here is the question.
How did you cope after you learned that the truth was a lie? What did you do the first month? The first year? The first ten years? What did you turn to to give your life meaning? Family, another faith, pleasure, volunteerism etc? How did you feel the void that was left?
SIAM
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leavingwt
How did you cope after you learned that the truth was a lie?
It's not EASY. It takes TIME, and there is not shortcut.
If at all possible, reach out to non-JW family and friends. Be selective, using your common sense. Don't overburden them with talk about the cult. They CANNOT comprehend it, nor are they particularly interested. Keep it simple, when speaking of it. THERAPY is a great idea.
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ABibleStudent
stuckinamovement - How did you cope after you learned that the truth was a lie? What did you do the first month? The first year? The first ten years? What did you turn to to give your life meaning? Family, another faith, pleasure, volunteerism etc? How did you feel the void that was left?
You are vey lucky stuckinamovement because you have your wife to talk with about how you both feel. As leavingwt said therapy helps, joining/forming an exjw meetup group on exjw.meetup.com might help, helping others to awaken in a cult might give you and your wife a sense of purpose like you felt in the WTBTS, and don't forget about all the neet things that you and your wife can do to enjoy living the rest of your life on this wonderful planet without having to serve the WTBTS.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
ABibleStudent
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skeeter1
All of religion is not a scam, as long as you recognize that religion offers a possible explanation for the unknown. It's when the religion emphatically states that it "knows" the answers to the unknown that it becomes a scam, and when it tells people what they "must" do to obtain their version of the unknown that it becomes coercive. I hope you and your wife the best on your spiritual journey.
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Mad Sweeney
Ranting on JWN.
Ranting to my therapist.
Listening to my wife's ranting.
Reading and studying more stuff to rant about.
Making friends - even if it is only online. Eventually making friends in person.
Even with all that, the feeling of being mentally violated takes a long time to go away. I still feel it.
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Ding
Several months ago, I recommended reading the New Testament on your own without any outside literature.
At that time, you pointed out that that the WTS says no one can understand the Bible without their literature.
That's what they say all right, but that's part of the WT scam!
The GB wants to make JWs think that they need the GB to run every aspect of our lives and do the thinking for us.
I think you'll find that the NT message is quite different from the WT version.
The book of Galatians, for example, denounces legalism; it's almost the exact opposite of the WT systems of rules and regulations.
No one understands everything about the Bible (or any other book for that matter), but that doesn't mean that its basic points are unfathomable.
You don't have to believe the Bible, of course, but before you throw it out completely along with the Watchtower, at least read it without the WT spin so you are basing your decision on what it really says, not on what the WTS says it says.
If you'd like to discuss this with me further via PM, feel free.
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stuckinamovement
Ding,
That is actually what we did was read the New testament together. The WT has totally twisted the greek scriptures to support their unique theology. This reading was one of the things that helped my wife to wake up and see that the orgs teachings don't match up with the scriptures when read in context.
The toughest thing she has is to face, is the fact that no one has all the answers. She pretty much feels that God has left people on their own to figure things out. It doesn't help though when you realize this and then consider that your entire social structure is wrapped up in a false religion.
She actually was wondering if some of our longtime friends are avoiding us because of our slowdown in meetings and the ministry.
SIAM
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Ding
SIAM,
I know it's hard.
Since you no longer believe the authority claims of the self-proclaimed "faithful and discreet slave organization," you no longer fit in among the people at the KH because that belief is a non-negotiable, foundational aspect of the Watchtower religion.
It's not that you are rejecting your friends; it's that your "friends" are rejecting you because you no longer choose to let the GB run your life.
From what you said, it sounds like you are looking for genuine Christian fellowship and friends but are afraid of starting over and especially of getting burned again by some other controlling religious leader or organization.
All that is perfectly normal and understandable.
Given the JW experience, it's wise to be cautious.
If you are open to looking into churches, first decide what you believe about foundational matters and investigate various churches to see what they teach about that. A lot of them have doctrinal statements online, so you can check them out without unwillingly getting on someone's witnessing list.
By "foundational matters", I mean issues that are essential to the Christian faith. One example of foundational Christian beliefs would be that people are sinners who need a Savior and that salvation is a free gift received by faith in Christ's sacrifice and resurrection.
If you don't believe those foundational NT teachings, then I'd say don't seek spiritual fellowship in a Christian church because that's at the core of what Christian churches teach and believe.
But things like birthdays and holidays are matters of peripheral belief. Romans 14:5 says that one Christian can deem certain days as special while another sees all days as alike. Neither should try to use their personal preference as a test of Christian orthodoxy.
By contrast, the WT wants to keep JWs as perpetual children, always looking to the "mother" organization to tell them what to think and say and do about every conceivable subject.
In my opinion, if any pastor or church starts claiming to be God's exclusive channel, that's a good time to say no thanks and leave.
In other words, don't look for THE one right teacher or organization that's going to explain everything and run your life as if they were God.
The good news is that while some churches do operate that way, the vast majority do not.
They teach what they believe is truth, but you aren't required to accept everything they say in order to be a part of their group.
If you would like help sorting out what you believe about the Bible or God, you can talk with a number of pastors or professing Christians to get their opinions without committing to joining their church or Bible study group.
Ultimately, each of you will have to decide what you will or won't believe.
I'm not a pastor, but I'd be happy to discuss any subjects you want by way of PM, and I won't try to get you to join any particular group.
You don't have to accept what someone says just because they say it, and that includes me!
I'll be glad to tell you what I believe and why and still be your friend whether you agree with me on any of it or not.
And if you don't want to discuss spiritual things with me at all, that's fine too; I'll still be your friend.
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Nice_Dream
SIAM, that is great news your wife is on board with you! After a year, my husband finally left too!
It's only been a year, and we are still coping with things. I really enjoyed thinking I had all the answers like your wife. For months I spent hours and hours reading books on religion, books to destroy WT beliefs, and books about people who left cults and were able to rebuild their lives.
I am still searching for meaning in my life. Faith was the cornerstone in my life, and with it missing, my life feels hopeless and empty. I need to replace that void with something, so I choose to still believe in Christianity. Because we have small children, I would like to get involved in a mother/child church program and see if I can handle being in another "group" situation. If not, I enjoy listening to sermons online.
Pursuing further education is another goal we have, traveling, celebrating our first holidays as a family, and just enjoying the small things in life.
I was fortunate to have a couple former JW friends to make friends with again, and one day I hope to make a real "wordly friend!" All our JW friends ditched us, but we know they are just doing what they think is right.
Now that you have free time, you can pursue some of the hobbies or interests you didn't have time for as a witness. Sometimes I still have "down" days, but for the most part, I am happy we're out.