I had two close friends that were disfellowshipped after I moved away from the big city. One I have written to but have not received a reply. However, he is quite ill and I'll still give him the thumbs up. Since we are living considerable distance from each other, I am putting another letter together to let him know I still care. He never expressed that he had been disfellowshipped, but he told me that the brothers were coming and the reason why and by the end of the week his phone was shut off. So I just assumed he was. I tried to establish contact with him even having my wife contact his wife, but he never responded. My wife recently sent an email and she did get a nice reply.
Interestingly, both of these friends served as elders. I also served as an elder and especially with the friend that is having health problems, I have first hand knowledge that we bent and broke the "theocratic" rules so typical of JW's. We had some elders on the body that were like pit bulls in judicial meetings and I did not mind wrangling with them and getting seriously in their face that we were there to help this lost sheep. Sometimes, I would interrupt the meeting for a break and then we could have a "discussion" while the accused went to the restroom. I was able to stop a few disfellowshippings or lessen the punishment, but sometimes I was out numbered. However, I convinced several brothers to appeal their verdict. I just sat their with a chicken shit eating grin while the chairman informed the brother or sister that they were disfellowshipped. Later I would call the accused and say I forgot if the brother had mentioned about the time for an appeal and the process. This would open up the conversation and sometimes I had them take notes about what to put in the letter for reinstatment.
I would greet disfellowshipped ones verbally and many times with a handshake at the hall and if I saw them in public. I usually sat down a bit later than the song and prayer, and when the DF'ed came in late, I would help them find a seat whether I was attendant or not. One sister with three young roudy boys came without the husband and was trying so hard to get reinstated and I would ask her if I could take care of one. My wife and I had small notebooks that we would draw animals on, and we also had neat little stuff that kids would like to play with. This always raised an eye or two, but, i didn't care. This was 20 years before my fade.
I had another friend that served as Bethel elder for over 40 years before they sent him as a single man back to live with his mother. Anyway, whether this is correct theocratic proceedure or not, he told me that one or more elders that were on the committee can maintain contact if the disfellowshipped was trying to attend the meetings, as it was the loving thing to do. I never was questioned about any of my greetings by other elders. I felt that my maverick conduct and speaking with the DF'ed opened up the relationship once they were reinstated as they remembered how I treated them. It is also amazing the communication that can be transmitted with the eyes and facial expressions to let them know everything is ok, at least with me.
I had another friend that I had not seen in about 8 years, Brandt Jones. We both lived in the same city at one time. Brandt's letters are on JWFacts and I read them one day and thought I would get in touch with him. We visited on the phone and he told me about his situation and then asked about mine. We exchanged a few emails and I hope to ride my motorcycle out and visit him. I wonder if he would meet me in Sturgis?
In my younger years I dated a sister that had been disfellowshipped and I was an MS. She was fun and pretty. So much for an open mind, I was head over heals and she hit a snag with honesty issues with me and her re-instatement committee, but while it lasted it was a whirlwind.
I know that disfellowshipping breaks the bond of a relationship. Sometimes, it doesn't even have to be disfellowshipping. When I eventually got black balled it hurt, and I found out first hand how conditional love was. I was suffering from some serious depression when many decided to abandone ship. I just look at it as I am not the one that ended up on the losing end. I have replaced those friends that did not want anything to do with me with better new improved friends.
