New member - my story

by Millions 53 Replies latest jw experiences

  • DanaBug
    DanaBug

    Welcome, Millions! Thank you so much for sharing your story.

    The question 'Who am I?' has been a continual investigation; every day for the first couple of years I would realise another subject or issue that I didn't have my own opinions about. Building an identity for 30 years, then - upon discovering its many flaws - purposefully, intentionally, smashing it to dust, is a difficult experience; rebuilding yourself is simultaneously far harder, and far more rewarding.

    This is what I'm still doing, smashing everything. I've been df'd for 6 years, but only woke up last April. You sound like you've figured out a lot since then; which gives me hope that it will get better. I want to be like you when I grow up! Lol! I look forward to hearing more of your story.

  • Lozhasleft
    Lozhasleft

    Hello and a big welcome from another UK member. I'm enjoying your thought provoking story and hope you find this forum as beneficial as I have.

    Loz x

  • factfinder
    factfinder

    Welcome Millions!

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Welcome to the forum Millions & welcome to your new life.

    Cheers

    Chris

  • nugget
    nugget

    Thank you for sharing your experience. We exited and I have returned to education doing a degree in psychology. Studying real books and having a real education is both challenging and enjoyable. What is so great is that you are constantly asked to challenge the textbooks and think for yourself it has been truly worthwhile.

    That being said I have an essay due next week on 2 perspectives of social constructionism and whether the methodlology employed reflects the richness and complexity of the lived experience. Who knows?

  • jj123jj123
    jj123jj123

    I just watched your wise up video, very amusing, nice work!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1GIFY94klk

  • cofty
    cofty

    Welcome fellow Brit.

    Most importantly, I have started to view people as my fellow humans, not as part of 'the world

    How true, feels good doesn't it?

  • saltyoldlady
    saltyoldlady

    Welcome Millions - And thank you for sharing your story and the video. We share so many of the same observations - in particular the one you had about realizing right or wrong I don't want to spend eternity with this bunch - that was so real for me also - those inside the WTS seem to become a bunch of robots - friendships never seem quite REAL and spiritual JOY is so rare among them. I chose much the same route as you - a gradual slacking off and then a formal DA letter. Making a clean and clear break was so vital for my own sense of integrity. I can only tell you it gets increasingly better - there will be days you miss a few special friends and I stop to pray for them - and I try to remember the positive things - there were some - and to be grateful for those - bitterness is never a nice companion. But my spiritual life has soared now that I am free to pursue what is meaningful for me from the Bible's pages and at my own pace. You will find yourself pulling closer to God than you ever thought possible. Glad to have you aboardd!

  • Millions
    Millions

    Oh dear, you had to embed the video where I was slightly merry with terrible hair xD Oh well it's all good! Deary me, I was a bit mad that day...

    I do appreciate all the comments from everyone, it's great to see that many people have managed to leave or are in the process of doing so. If our experiences can help someone else then so much the better.

    To the people talking about education, I attended an open week at a local university recently and sat in on several lectures. The contrast between the way they teach at uni and the way we - and I! - taught as witnesses could not have been greater. As nugget said, you are not being forced to accept one opinion, you are being presented with theories and invited to research them, discuss them and come to your own conclusion. I could immediately see how you would form much stronger impressions because it was personal to you, rather than adopting something else wholesale. So I'm really determined to enrol next year, just for my own sakes - if I get a better job from it then that's a bonus.

    Btw nugget your paper sounds fascinating, I did try a couple of psychology lectures but they didn't really hit the spot for me. Leaning heavily towards English at the moment.

    saltyoldlady re former friends, I do miss a select few people who I really did love as friends. They haven't replied to any contact attempts since I DA'd, but I am determined to try and keep some of them in the loop of what I am doing in life. You have to live in hope that they might wake up themselves one day. On the whole though I can't say I miss the general atmosphere of witness life, even though there are some lovely people, there is a lot of falseness which I am yet to experience out here in the real world.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    Welcome, Millions!

    Enjoyed reading your entire introduction, but wanted to comment on the following, which really resonated with me:

    The question 'Who am I?' has been a continual investigation; every day for the first couple of years I would realise another subject or issue that I didn't have my own opinions about.

    Every opinion I thought I had was actually filtered through Borg lenses and mental processing. For several months after leaving I was in danger of choosing the antithetical opinion just out of spite and resentment toward the Watchtower. It has taken quite some time to get a grip on my feelings so that I can truly figure out some things, so that I can control and focus the resentment rather than let it control me.

    Glad you're here. Every former MS or elder that comes here is one less the Borg has to control their victims.

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