How do you explain JW family members to an Non-JW Child?

JAG913

I noticed a post or comment on here awhile ago explaining how someone explained their JW family members to their child (a non-JW). We both really liked what was said, but can't find it again for the life of us!

A brief explanation:Our child's Grandmother and extended family (Aunts, Uncles, etc.) are not really a part of our sons life. It has been a very bitter and disappointing situation that has been very trying. Our son is young, so while we aren't at the point of having to explain it yet, we will be there before we know it.

Once our kids are adults, we can tell them the whole story. Yet, for a child who doesn't follow the words "cult," "obsurd," etc. we don't want to make them out as monsters but want them to understand that this was their choice and not our fault or our children's fault.

Have any of you gone through this, and if so, what did you say? How did you explain it and how did it go? Any advice/experiences would be great. Just preparing ourselves now for the questions.

Thanks,
Jaime

Mad Sweeney

I think you ought to just explain it to him straight.

Back when they were young, grandma and grampa were tricked into joining a high control religious sect. Because of this they believe and do some kind of strange things. So if you notice them saying or doing anything that is odd, that we don't do in our home, that's probably why.

Even a three or four year old would understand this, I would think.

Scully

We told our children that "Grandma and Grandpa's church doesn't allow them to celebrate birthdays or Christmas or other holidays. They believe that celebrating those things is bad. We believe that celebrating those things are not bad. Those things don't hurt anybody - they make people happy. Grandma and Grandpa can believe what they want, and so can we. We have to respect that Grandma and Grandpa believe what they believe, and they need to respect what we believe and what we do in our home. Since they don't respect what we believe or do in our home, they made a choice to stay away from us. That's too bad, because we love them and we miss them a lot. They can change their minds any time, and they will be able to spend time with us. It's up to them though."

nugget

Your child will probably notice the lack of relatives when they start to associate with other children who have Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles who are part of the lives.

If they ask you could say to them. It is nice that X has grandparents who like visit, it is a shame that granny and grandpa don't visit us as often because we love them very much. They know we love them and that we would be happy for them to come but they find it difficult to accept some of the things we do like christmas and birthdays because their religion says that they are not allowed to do these things. It makes them sad that we believe things that are different to them. We don't want to make them sad but we feel it is important to celebrate things that are special to this family so for now we give them the time they need.

They may change their mind in the future but we respect their wishes and keep letting them know we love them anyway because it is important to be kind to other people even when they do things we do not agree with.

wasblind

Scully

mrsjones5

Kids notice things. My kids have noticed my parents acting strangely when the issue of birthdays or holidays comes up. When my daughter was about 5 years old my father attempted to explain to her why he didn't celebrate birthdays and why according to his religion it was wrong. My daugher was not impressed and replied "Grandpa, you need to learn how to have fun."

My daughter is one smart cookie.

jamiebowers

My daugher was not impressed and replied "Grandpa, you need to learn how to have fun."

Oh, that is rich! Out of he mouths of babes, huh?

looloo

im married to a disfellowshipped man and we have a 7 year old daughter . we used to live in the same town as my husbands parents and brother and sister untill my child was 4 . contact wasnt very often and mainly kept because of me taking my daughter round the inlaws home , as they would often just walk past our home (on field service ) without calling in , i always said they were welcome anytime on the few occasions they visited. after we moved two and a half years ago they only visited once , six months after we moved in ! when they left i said they would be welcome anytime . i have not seen them since , we have since found out that my mother in law tells people that i told her " i would rather you never saw my daughter after we move as you are jehovahs witnesses " not true ! she even told my husband that i had said that , i was so cross ! i tell my daughter that grandma and grandad would love to come and visit but they do what their religion tells them to do as they think that is right ! she said once "well its not right , i think its just people who make it up not to visit us because god wouldnt do something such a nuisance ! i had to make myself a do not call as my daughter got upset as she couldnt understand why some jws come and knock on the door but grandma isnt allowed ! how can you really explain it to a child when its so hard to understand ? good luck.

Scully

looloo:

we have since found out that my mother in law tells people that i told her " i would rather you never saw my daughter after we move as you are jehovahs witnesses " not true ! she even told my husband that i had said that , i was so cross !

That would not fly with me, not for one second. I'd be on the phone to her so fast it would make her head spin. And I would remind her that Jehovah hates liars and ask her what would the Elders™ in her congregation think of her lying like that? And then ask her to pick up her bible and read John 8:44.

I seriously doubt that she'd gossip about that conversation to anyone.

looloo

scully did write her a long letter (another one ! ) but didnt bother sending it , but my hubby did write one to her x

How do you explain JW family members to an Non-JW Child?

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