Hi Applehippie,
Nice to meet you! I certainly have very similar emotions that you feel as well. I still have half the family still in, but my parents and me have been out since the mid 1980's. What help me to get out was seeing how the Bible was being manipulated or changed to suit whatever they wanted for a doctorine, and Jesus not getting the Honor he deserved. Their idea that reading the Bible without the aid of their publications was not approved. I was very disappointed in the way the sheep were being beaten and scattered. Well, I don't have to deal with it any more.
Since being out, I still consider myself a Christain, that is to the best of my ability. What I feel strengthens me is that I pray regularly because I feel I need direction in these uncertain times and I read my Bible on a regular basis. I read it by itself without any constraints or publications to help interpret it for me. In this way I block all teachings and start fresh with a new understanding and I have felt more invigorated and a stronger endurance. I too, feel that my future will be on the earth to care for the people, to teach, build or to organize projects, whatever the 'Creator" decides for me. In recent years, I have seen clues or hints that the other half of my family that are still in are getting worn out and tired, and are understanding our position now. There is always hope and I never lose it.
In conclusion, I found this very thought in my personal Bible reading which certainly gives a true meaning to what has happened in the organization and why it continues to fade without Jehovah's Spirit. Here is the quote:
"Here I am against the prophets of false dreams," is the utterance of Jehovah, "who relate them and cause my people to wander about because of their falsehoods and because of their boasting." "But I myself did not send them or command them. So they will by no means benefit this people," is the utterance of Jehovah.
Applehippie, hope to hear from you again!
Happy Trails, Truth and Justice
