I'm fading. It's been nearly 2 years since I've been to a meeting not counting the Memorial or funerals. I plan on going to the Memorial again this year - although it will be out of town.
I own a small business and travel a lot, plus I've been going through a depression and having some physical problems. So, all of that has made it easier to not go. I did have a conversation with my mom a few months ago that I'm just emotionally tired, and right now - I just don't care. Which is true. I'm not angry with the WTBS, or with anyone associated with it - I don't feel any obligation to "get people out" because I don't feel it is my right to interfere with their choice in worship. I'm also sort of on the fence about some things - the WTBS COULD be right about some things - who am I to say? I don't agree with their methods, and I can't take the constant talk about how everyone is going to die, and how awful everything is, but at the same time I don't have the emotional energy to make a decision about much of anything either. I guess I don't care if they are right or not.
I have a little nephew that I'm really close to - and basically he is the reason I'm not more forthright with my views. I am not attending meetings, but I don't throw what I think in other people's faces either. I'm careful about what I say especially to my brother (nephew's dad) so that I'm not suddenly considered "dangerous." - it may happen anyway, but I'm not doing anything to give them reason to think that. I do have one friend who still thinks maybe I'll come back to meetings when I feel better. I haven't been straight out with her about not going back. She will figure it out soon enough.
I am working on building a life outside, slowly but surely it is happening. I've started dating (sort of tough at almost 40!), and have starts to good friendships with some of the people I've worked with as clients. I do think a successful transition must include friends outside - it can be devestatingly lonely without them. I've started going to different Meetup groups in my area, which is a great casual way to meet new people who share a common interest. I most often attend photography groups.
I had a friend tell me that I should be more bold - more authentic - about my stance. So I'd like feed back about that. Is fading inauthentic? I would argue that it is a process, and that if I'm not attending meetings, that is a pretty authentic move. I don't feel like I have to be in their face about what I think or don't think in order to be authentic. My actions speak for themselves, right?
bafh
