I think I may have reached another crossroads.
The most tolerant woman in the world and I were discussing it last night. I've seen my loss of faith like a relationship breakup, I've done the gut wrenching fear bit and I've been heavily invested in the anger and angst phase where I've sought out people who believed as strongly as I once did and challenged them (like an ex-lover calling up for a shouting match.) In many ways I've obsessed about my new direction, reading, arguing and debating. I even joined a chat forum on voxli created by 'shockofgod' , an evangelical who directly challenges atheists to debate. My wife pointed out that my lack of religion is my new religion. Fair point. I've thought I was over religion before but I find myself on forums posting stuff constantly - I've not yet learnt to let go.
For me the unwiring will go on, unpicking thought patterns that I built up over years of subtle indoctrination and I feel really satisfied, sadly so, that I debated with muslims, multi-brand christians, agnostics and atheists and found no genuine authentic supernatural stories. The surprise was that everyone religious has the same basic mindset and each religion just repackages the same story. There are more sophisticated thinkers than others, more eloquent, more emotional, more convinced people but overall - no real, solid reality to base anything on - just stories distinguishable from fairytales only by the application of faith. Mainly nice people so invested in the emporer's clothes that they subconsciously refuse to see. This was a bit like the relationship phase where you know its gone south but you secretly still want to know why, still want to make the ex jealous and still , sometimes, harbour a sentimental longing for a nostalgic past.
I think that stage is fading away. So I'm going to say - goodbye - once again (lol) as I try and move off this plateau (I find myself posting the same old same old all the time on multiple public forums - I've made my point to myself). It's goodbye like a familiar friend who lives in another country - not fully gone , not forgotten - just not there! If I find something novel to say I'll almost certainly be back. I just need to prove to myself (and my bosslady!) that I no longer need to obsess. When I 'fight' now I want to fight and debate because its important, not because its my first habit.
I owe this forum more than I ever put in.Thx.
