Dealing with JWs who want to meet you

skeeter1

I'm a never baptized, raised in ex-JW who is, shall we say, outspoken against the JWs. When I first left, I told my relatives that I thought the JWs were full of crap. I tried to show them everything. They shut up like a clam. Over the years of my exit, we've decided on a "don't talk about religion" to keep a semblance of a family relationships. Their draw to the JWs is much deeper then just cult indoctrination. To tear these people out of the "Truth", could tear them apart. So, I leave it alone. But, they still give little blurbs, to which I now ignore.

Here are some of the invites I get:

"You should meet Brother/Sister X. He/she likes (hobby) that you do. Your the same age and have 'so much in common.'"

"Little girl at KH would like to do (hobby) that you do. You should meet her parents, such dolls they are."

My usual answer:

"Oh."

"Ah, huh."

When I'm really reaching for an answer....

"There are group classes and leagues she should do." (knowing full well that such would be out of the question for a JW to join some worldly club...tee hee)

Now, over the past few weeks, me and my family have had some health scares. Everything is A-OK now. But, you know how this gets the JW relatives to think, "Maybe Skeeter is ready for the Truth..." I'm sure they have been gossipping with their JW friends (who don't really know the extent for which I am against the "Truth").

Lately, I've been getting the screws put to me on why I MUST meet with a dear sister. The first time, I responded,

"I'm just too busy. With everything that has been happening, I can't."

So, the JWs patiently waited for things to die down. Again, another, more urgent plea that I help out this dear JW lady. ....

So, I know that I have to respond, respond kindly, firmly, but yet give them an out. Here's my response

"I can't for two reasons. First, if this JW met with me, she'd be in trouble for associating with me. I don't want to cause her to be hauled into the back room for an elder's hearing. Second, I just don't have the time."

Perhaps this response of my getting her into trouble will cause my pushy relatives to THINK? Oh, wait - they can't think. Silly me.

Honestly, I know that this is all an excuse to "meet me" (i.e. make initial contact to try to convert me). I don' t have time for such foolishness. I don't really care to unconvert this woman. I don't have the time to invest. If she wants out of the Truth, I'll gladly help her then.

Skeeter

gutted

How about "no thanks, I do not want to meet with her"? Rinse and repeat if not understood the first time.

LostGeneration

Maybe a "I prefer to form relationships that aren't conditional, I've been burned too many times before." would do the trick.

snakeface

How about:

I shun Jehovah's Witnesses. I do not even say a greeting to them so that I do not become a sharer in their works.

carla

Say, "why yes! I would love to meet with dear sister arrogant! I do believe we do have much in common and I am anxious for her to read the C of C book and get her opinion. Then she may also be interested in ...... (name your next favorite anti witness book)". The fear that you may meet with a jw and actually bring an 'apostate' book with you should shut them down for a few years at least.

Or you could have her meet with some new friends of yours who just happen to practice x,y or z. Such as Wiccans, Catholocism, Hindus,etc., or offer to bring her to the next spiritual convention and have her palm read or tarot cards!

skeeter1

Thanks for all the suggestions. You made me laugh, and made me realize that the real reason is that I don't want to be involved in conditional relationships. They are a shear waste of time. My JW relatives are all in a big circle of conditional relationships.

looloo

i once had a woman say things like that to me like "oh we had a lovely time at the barn dance " "you would have loved it !" i was thinking "now i know the truth about the truth i would actually rather stick pins in my eyes than go to a barn dance with these fair weather friends " when ihave friends who like me for being me now !

Black Sheep

I'm an unbaptised born-in myself. I give them every opportunity to drop me a one liner I can use.

AnnOMaly

"You should meet Brother/Sister X. He/she likes (hobby) that you do. Your the same age and have 'so much in common.'"
"Little girl at KH would like to do (hobby) that you do. You should meet her parents, such dolls they are."
When I'm really reaching for an answer.... "There are group classes and leagues she should do."

Good answer! Perhaps add, "There's one at such-a-place on such-a-day. Maybe we'll bump into each other there one day." [smiling sweetly]

"Lately, I've been getting the screws put to me on why I MUST meet with a dear sister. ... Again, another, more urgent plea that I help out this dear JW lady.

I don't get this bit at all. If they were saying this to me I'd be asking,

"Why? Why MUST I meet with her? Why does she need help? (Can't she count hours with someone else?)"

I mean, do you know this lady at all? And if they think you'll get on like a house on fire, why not invite you and her to a casual family dinner or something rather than meet for the express purpose of having an awkward discussion 'encouraging' you to rejoin a religion you've happily left? I know they probably mean well, but still it seems to me like they're crossing boundaries here.

saltyoldlady

To tell it like it is - the problem is you are trying to be "nice" in your dealings with these people - and my experience has become there just isn't any "nice" way to deal with "not nice" people. I tend to think as you - that to draw some of them out of the organization would result in a complete fragmentation of their "imagined" security - a total undoing of their life coping mechanisms - and I don't wish to take on the responsibility for their emotional destruction either so I have done like you - side-stepped the matter as adroitly as I could muster many times but when they persist it does get irritating and I've found it is best to just look them in the eye and say "I know what you are trying to do but I am not buying into it. Forget the kindness, thanks, but no thanks." It seems blunt and a bit crude but it usually works. However I hate seeing them wilt before my eyes - with that wounded puppy dog expression like I had just stuck a knife in their belly but I have learned to toughen myself to it. (LOL - this time means lots of luck instead of the usual lots of laughter. It's often LOT - lots of tears. Maybe we should just say we don't want to become pillars of salt like Lot's wife for coming back to the WTS - looking back!!! This time I am giggling since I already am called Salty - in their minds because I looked back to the world.)

Dealing with JWs who want to meet you

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