Dear all,
This is my 100th post, and I decided to repost something I originally did as a post on H2O a couple of years ago. It was a reply to somebody, and buried miles-deep in the thread, so hopefully it won’t have been read by too many already. Anyway…
ROLE PLAY among the Dubs
I think that this is actually quite an under-researched/commentated-upon area in the whole JayDub psychology: the importance of Role-Play.
I'm quite convinced that the vast majority of normal witnesses (not the nutcase fanatics, I'm talking about the average Rank & file decent people), these people actually KNOW, on one level of their intelligence, that the whole thing is a deception, but are terrified of that knowledge, hide it to/from themselves, and kind of play along in well-worn patterns of behaviour that make them feel more comfortable.
They say things to each other almost in a ritualistic way:
· about how "upbuilding" the recent assembly was,
· about how marvellous the latest magazines are,
· about what “joy” they get from field service
…and so on. All the time knowing - but denying to themselves - that these things aren't actually literally true. It is all role play.
As an example of what I’m talking about, I actually heard my mother say to another JW sister, Rosemary, recently (I was in the house, and she thought I was out of earshot; they were talking about me)
"Oh, Duncan. Yes, he fell away years ago. Of course - HE KNOWS IT'S THE TRUTH, but he’s so tied up with the world now, that he just won't do anything about it"
Now I KNOW that she can't actually believe this, I have been out for 20 years, and have had, over that time many, many conversations with her about "the Truth" and what's wrong with it. She knows what I am about. She KNOWS that I don’t – not for a minute – “know it’s the truth.”
Yet here she was, saying this. Why?
My take on it is this: that, for that moment, when she was in that role-play with Rosemary, she actually believed it, just for that moment. The comforting role-play was sufficient to blank-out her actual conscious knowledge of the situation. It was important that she was with a friend when she said it, she would never have uttered any such thing if she had known I was listening, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t say it simply to score points with Rosemary. It was all an elaborate, behaviour-reinforcing, belief-strengthening role-play.
I suppose I was surprised for a moment but, then again, only for a moment, because I full-well remember saying exactly that kind of thing about the fallen-by-the-wayside exJW's I knew when I was in and faithful. It is just the thing that you say in that situation. ( You can hardly say to the other witness "oh, Duncan, yes - he saw through the whole thing years ago and got out!" You simply have to take the he-knows-it's-the-truth line.)
It's all role play, like so much else they do. All the door-knocking, public speaking, making a spectacle of yourself at work because you take some nutty "stand" over birthdays, Christmas, goodness knows what else - the whole Witness life is one long extended role-play. All designed to shore up the witness way of life and belief. And it’s completely automatic. It kicks in when you try to talk to them about why you left – they automatically go into the defending-the-Truth role.
That’s why it’s so hard getting them out, I guess. How can you find a way to say to them – “look, stop this play-acting and just be yourself and listen for yourself for a moment!” It’s like they have the perfect defence.
I guess you have to wait until they’re ready .
Duncan.