The Effects of JW Child Abuse into Adulthood (page 2)

TotallyADD

I like my wife am so sorry for your loss. Being the same age as your brother and raised in this cult in my opinion is one of the worse things that can happen to a child. I know the pain and I feel that pain everyday. Your brother sounds like a man I would have really loved to have known. I am sure. Sorry it hurts to much to say anymore. God Bless You. So sorry for your loss. Totally ADD

confusednsad

I am so sorry to read about your brother. I was raised as a JW as well, and we were all involved growing up. As an adult I have been disfellowshipped twice (currently still am) I understand 100% how your brother felt... I too have suffered with depression all of my life because of feeling guilty for not finding 'joy' as a witness... and being disfellowshipped I felt like I was the same as 'dead'. There was no hope, so no reason to find joy in anything... as I was going to die anyways. I could not explain to friends (and boyfriend) what it felt like to have no future to look forward to. They just could not understand why I could not just stop thinking the way I did. I often tell people that were not raised as JWs that nobody can understand what it is like unless you have been there. There is a certain pull they have... any help you try to find in the 'world' is considered from Satan. Any books (or heaven forbid - a site like this!) where I might find comfort or like thinking - is from Satan. So how can someone get help with that concept in the back of our mind. It is a deep sadness ... deepest inside.

However... I went to a wonderful counsellor last year, and let me tell you... she opened my eyes. It isn't easy to let go of something you've been told all your life.. but I feel so much better now. I see JWs differently now. I raise my two younger kids differently than I did my oldest. (one daughter - 26 never did take to the JWs (thankfully) but other daughter, 28, has been a regular pioneer for years and just had a baby 2 months ago. She won't have anything to do with me, and I have never met my grand-daughter) I do not want my younger kids (age 11 and 16) to be a part of that group. It has divided our family. My counsellor helped me find my own strength again, and to deal with the 'shunning' from past friends and family. She helped me to let go of my guilt, and to see that there are many other possibilities in the future, and that I was so limited in my spiritual education. It is like I had to 'deprogram' myself. I also found a wonderful book in the library that opened my eyes... 'Awakening of a Jehovah's Witness'.

Being shunned as an adult is extremely difficult, but being shunned as a child... wow... that is wrong! that is abusive. I cannot know how a child would be able to grow with self-esteem and confidence. All children deserve love and acceptance and open arms. It makes me so sad to think of a child growing up disfellowshipped. I think it is very wrong when children get baptized. My brothers kids all got baptized young. He was so proud. I am so worried - they havent even gone through their teen years yet!

Im so sorry about your brother. His life experience will teach someone... something good will come about because of your brother's experience. Possibly someone will read your post and have a change of heart, or know a child in a similar situation that they can help.

Thank you for sharing your pain. Im so sorry for you, and his partner and children. I'm sure he was a wonderful man and father, and will be greatly missed. My heart goes out to you and his family. Will be thinking about you all.

Band on the Run

My family's life is haunted by abuse caused by my Bethelite father. My younger brother has cerebral palsy. My mom's fault since it doesn't run in his family - showing total ignorance of the brain damage my brother suffered. He wore heavy leg braces. When I about four, my brother three, my father took us up to a scene overpass overlooking the Manhattan skyline. Many people were there to cool off before a/c was widespread. My father dangled my brother over the steepest cliff in northern NJ. I will never forget the terror in my spunky brother's face. He pleaded for mercy. My father found his pleas funny and dangled him even more. Whatever he did was a ok with Jehovah. We were rebuked just to be rebuked. It was sadistic. After an eternity, my brother was let up. We waited for my mom to turn the lock so we knew we would be safe for a while. I prayed to Jesus for help.

I had to talk to my high school principal about going to protective custody so I could finish high school. Actually, I attended an Ivy League college in NY, Columbia. He wanted me to bag groceries so he could control me. He died before I went to court. So sad.

My teachers would ask about bruises. Both my parents told me to lie. I had no clothes, makeup, music, teenage junk. Nothing. I longed to dance. A cousin told me I danced like a Watusi, much worse than dancing like a Catholic. I froze with shame. Later, I would hire an dance instructor from the Village Voice for dance lessons. I had no sense of rhythm. My Witness experiencee is that rational thoughts are easy to shed. The bad ones are ones you can not shed when you want to do so.

Nights were spent in terror of my father and the clear sense of sexual tension. I was ok until puberty. Abuse occurred but at puberty I replaced my mother as his main tidbit. He trapped me in a bathroom, announced I was so inherently bad that I was goiing to watch him die. He wedged his body against the door and induced agina. The doctors had my mom discuss his death to us so I knew he had a bad ticker. No matter how hard I tried he would not budge. His coloring changed, his breaths were labored. We lived in a working class area. I screeched with all my fury to call an ambulance. He was only wearing undershorts in the middle of the day. The siren wailing was like the Second Coming of Christ. Oh, I thanked God and prayed it wasn;t too late. The police said to stay away as he told them what a bad daughter I was. I responded that I had no problem staying away from him. The issue was that he could not stay away from me. I was such a good girl. They responded as though they did not hear me. For the first time in my life, I left home without permission. Screw the police. Crying unstoppably, I made it my aunt's and Bethelite uncle in the next town. It took me at least ten minutes to get out three sentences b/c I was crying so hard. She said it was my fault for not obeying him! My mom was called at work. After work, my mom picked me up.

A social agency feared rape and the trauma his death would have on me. There were strict rules about never, ever being alone without an adult present. I had to go way downtown to study in a library until my mom left work. While he was very close to committing incest, so close the agency considered legal action to get me out of the home, he spent hours each night honing his anti Catholic arguments to show his Jehovahic integrity.

This same man proclaimed a brutally raped nun deserved it for being a nun. He learned his antiCatholicism directly from Joseph Rutherford. My father was his bodyguard. We must obey the WTBTS at the same time he regaled us with the sheer hypocrisy and immoral behavior of Rutherford. Rutherford was truly venal. Knorr was not popular but his behavior was not as venal.

Today I noticed the saying that adorns the altar of my church "Come ye who are heavy laden and I will give you rest." It was painted beautifully. No cheap Hebrew YHWH sign. Christ was always with me during my father's escapades into lawlessness. His behavior and reputation as a family man were the strongest witness he could imagine about the merits of the WTBTS. Yes, he was a witness. Today, I worship in world famous Cathedrals where I also volunteer for social causes. I join Presidents of the United States and others in NY as we praise God from whom all blessings flow. I became Anglican once women were regularly ordained. I've worshipped with beautiful icons. Oh, the Mozarts, Handel, Bachs, the Gregorian chants. All these are so special to me. Jesus was present. Sometimes, Jesus should me more than present. One day He will. Christ has died. Christ has risen. Christ will come again.

So sorry for the pain this cult has caused you and your loved ones PC.

"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction."

-by Pascal, Blaise

The Effects of JW Child Abuse into Adulthood

TotallyADD

confusednsad

Band on the Run

scarredforlife

Violia

mrsjones5

jamiebowers

Murray Smith

cyberjesus

whereami

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