The Loving Disfellowshipping Arrangement (page 2)

headisspinning

Hey Loz, because we are disfellowshipped the children have decided to live with their JW parents. At least mine will come and stay with us now. But his kids refuse to even acknowledge their baby brother and won't even consider visiting. If he wants to see them he has to fly there and see them at his ex-wife's house. It's so crazy. She won't even leave the house while he's there which is just ridiculous.

baltar447

So sorry headisspinning, has he considered getting an attorney and forcing more custody?

headisspinning

He doesn't want to force the kids which is what it would come down to at this point. They have been manipulated and influenced by their mother and my husband is afraid if he pushes them he will lose them entirely. Just two weeks ago he flew back to see them and his 10 year old daughter refused to see him.

He gave his ex everything and pays a ton of support - both for the kids and spousal too. She essentially blackmailed him into signing the divorce agreement.

I would like to see him get a lawyer but he is reluctant to play hardball because it might further alienate him from the children which would destroy him.

It's just a horrible situation.

jamiebowers

My sister didn't reply for a while and when she finally did she said she considered what I said and said "Okay. Well, maybe it's not for your own good

but for my own good - I have to do things Jehovah's way." And that was it.

Why don't you email her back and ask where in the Bible is 'Jehovah's way" described?

Our kids are young teenagers and the girls are only 9 and 10... I can deal with them cutting us off down the road... but I think it would be very damaging to everyone for them to lose use at this stage.

Hey Loz, because we are disfellowshipped the children have decided to live with their JW parents. At least mine will come and stay with us now. But

his kids refuse to even acknowledge their baby brother and won't even consider visiting

. If he wants to see them he has to fly there and see

them athis ex-wife's house. It's so crazy. She won't even leave the house while he's there which is just ridiculous.

Has there been a visitation order established with the court? Has a guardian ad litem been appointed for the kids?

Lozhasleft

Dear me ...it gets worse...my heart goes out to you both....

Loz x

OnTheWayOut

Headisspinning, I've answered your PM and haven't heard from you. Here's my thread for you: http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/207641/1/headisspinning-has-a-PM

headisspinning

To Jamie...

That's a good suggestion - Let me think about it. It took a lot to write that last email so I have to wait until I have the strength, you know?

I'm not sure what 'guardian ad litem' means... here in Canada, there are different types of custody (joint, sole etc.). His ex-wife flat out refused to give him a 'scriptural divorce' unless he agreed to all the terms of the agreement her lawyer drew up. That agreement stated that she had sole custody and that he had visitation rights only - but she even specified that he could only see them in HER province. He is not even allowed to bring them here which is crazy. He has always been a great father and there is absolutely no issue about that at all. She also has the kids convinced that more than one phone call with their Dad per week is too much despite the fact that he bought and pays for their cell phones.

For me, I have 50/50 joint custody of my kids but it doesn't do me much good. My ex and I agreed that we would go by the table amounts for child support which in theory is fine but any time we start talking about them living here 50% of the time he gets them all upset and freaked out and ruins any progress that I've made. In his words he 'helps them to make an informed decision' but what he's really doing is manipulating the situation and their emotions so that he has that child support money in his pocket.

I think how both of our exes have acted has been terrible. They have used the fact that we are disfellowshipped to their own advantage and brainwashed the kids.

I just hope that maybe when the kids are adults they will look back and see the truth.

headisspinning

OntheWayOut... thanks! I will try again!

Murray Smith

Excellent letter.

Unfortunately everything you say will fall on deaf ears.

Sounds a bit negative . . . but sadly it's true. The arrangement is NOT there for your benefit, NOR your sister's, in spite of what she believes. The policy is in place to islolate "dissenters" and retain thier "voluntary workers" . . . nothing more.

Your letter is written from the heart . . . that is why it will fall on deaf ears . . . JW's are programmed to discard matters of the heart in favour of what Jehovah (aka the GB) requires. They are the victims of mind-control.

Your situation is heartbreaking and just makes me so angry . . . In a positive vein . . . there are good resources available here . . . if you need specific advice just start another thread. Also, take time to look over past threads on various matters. Some have some great advice and references, links etc you will find helpful. And don't be afraid to make personal contact . . . people (like OTWO) often have extensive personal experience which will also be of benefit.

I sincerely wish you the very best headispinning. . . . wish I could offer more

Luvonyall

Pahpa

The cruel policy of disfellowshipping has consequences for the Watchtower

Society and Jehovah's Witnesses. The Watchtower lost some of its best

and brightest scholars (R. Franz, E. Dunlap, J. Penton, etc...) The congregations

dimissed some of their best members who were dedicated and sincere in their

faith. Families have been torn apart and carry the sorrow and guilt that

shunning cause. While they may justify it with misinterpreted scriptures

they can not run from the pain and suffering that this policy has caused to

its organization and membership.

The Loving Disfellowshipping Arrangement

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