Information today runs through the neighborhoods of the world like a raging river and even the Watchtower has no power to stop it from reaching their members. That river is what swept me away.
A river is a two way analogy for my experience. The apostate in me would say that, although highly painful and far too long, I am happy where the river washed me up and, now that my wounds have healed enough, I am starting to rebuild my life, for the better. Yet the Witness in me would say that the river is fueled by the power of Satan and has washed me away past the point of no return; I am eternally damned.
On the tail end of my transition outside of the organization my family saw a certain side of me. I was argumentative and constantly looking for something religious to challenge. Some could, and should have, considered my actions brazen.
As I reflect, I see the reason for my actions. The river is raging remember? Serious thumps and lacerations are to be expected. I was flailing about in the rapids; completely overwhelmed with new information and cognitive dissonance.
That's how I felt, like I was swept away. At times I was thrilled and other times I felt pummeled, but finally I washed to the shore to figure out where I was and how I ended up there.
Surviving such an exit of a high control group as I did has taught me an invaluable lesson: never trust anyone to educate you, but yourself. I can trust others with my heart, I can trust them with my finances and I might actually have it work out, but I have learned never to trust anyone to educate me.
That doesn't mean I should stop listening to anyone who is trying to educate, in fact I should embrace them even more. They are the pointers and the guides of this world and one day I will join them. Ignoring the educators is like ignoring the signs while driving a car. Could I survive? Maybe, but I would not get to any destinations that I didn't already know the path to.
I want to travel to the places those signs point to. I want to see for myself whether or not I want to settle in or just pass by. Just because a place is important enough to have a sign point to it doesn't mean it's a place where you necessarily want to live or even stay for any extended period of time.
I am appreciative that the river swept me away, not because I don't miss and deeply love the people I grew up with, but because it ended up giving me a better chance at finding my true purpose, which is what is so important to them.
This site is a part of that raging river and I am happy to surf it with you all.
-Sab