we tend to rock the boat even when we try not to. But I think this is a good warning not to allow frustration to bring matters to a head before you are ready to deal with it more effectively for yourselves.
Not "Rocking the Boat"
by What Now? 21 Replies latest jw friends
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Was New Boy
Good question....
Once you take the "red pill"....you can't go back. You can live there for a while. I figured it out 1995-96 but I didn't totally leave until 2001....I too was not ready to lose it all.
It's like eating at a restaurant.....your enjoying the meal but everytime you eat there the bill keeps going higher.....one day, the meal will not be worth the cost. For everyone it's different....Who knows when that day come for you....
Good luck
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jamiebowers
I feel trapped. I feel like a hypocrite. I feel like I'm being selfish for not wanting to give up the social life we have within the congregation.
How do YOU deal with it?
Make friends outside of the organization and build a social network for support. Read Steven Hassan's book, Combatting Cult Mind Control to learn how to reach the non-cult personality of your family members. Maybe you'll be able to get them out too, or maybe not. But when you're ready to leave the organization, at least you'll already have other friends as well as the knowledge that you tried your best to help your family.
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Lozhasleft
I feel for you. I hope you can find a way to fade and keep your peace of mind as well as move on to having a 'normal' life.
Loz x
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wannabefree
I can sympathize with how you feel.
It has been a little over a year since my eye opening, I orignally planned to stop going to meetings after the convention last year (in May), I keep moving the goal forward with the hope of planting as much information as possible with my family (wife and kids). Last night at the meeting I realized I was shaking my head while others were nodding, I find myself having a hard time using JW lingo without hesitating, the longer I continue going to the meetings the more I realize how bad it is and just how easy it will be for those who I thought were good friends to drop me, but also that I will be okay with that.
I have been introducing my wife and kids to "worldly" friends, hoping this will open a door to possible transition for them when and if ready.
The extreme control discussed at length about the July Watchtower is giving me mixed feelings. Will it help push my family or make them dig in their heels?
I obviously don't have the answer for you, I just want you to know there are many who have gone through and are going through this terrible experience. This board has helped me so much to deal with these issues.
Best wishes for you What Now?.
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LV101
well, i've certainly been reminded here to read Hassan's book --- thank you, jgnat. it's so sad many decent human beings get snatched into it.
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FreeAtLast1914
My wife and I, a few years ago, were where you are now. And we sucked it up for awhile, but like many of the comments so far, there comes a point where you just throw your hands in the air and ask yourself, "What in the hell am I doing here in this building with these people?"
And staying can be dangerous as well. Two years ago, the last Memorial we attended, my wife busted out laughing during the talk. She said it just came out without warning, as the sheer amount of BS rose to comedic levels. A sister turned around and snarled at my wife and we just kinda had a Snickers-Wanna-Get-Away moment. After that, we realized we could no longer attend any of their comedy shows at the Kingdom Hall.
You will get to that point as well. It is inevitable. Sadly, it is also inevitable that when you do you will lose most of your 'friends' and family along with it. But the good news is that it is such a relief being outside of that cultish, hellish world the sting of the sacrifices tend to fade quickly.
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Open mind
Begin developing outside interests and non-JW relationships right away.
Consider switching congregations if possible as an interim semi-fading measure.
If we had to be in the same congregation as JW relatives, our lives would be much more hellish.
As it is, we're flaky, fringe JWs in a congo with virtually no former JW "friends", and our relatives don't have the full picture of just how inactive we are.
It's helped our sanity considerably.
om
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Pistoff
Welcome, What Now.
My 2 cents:
I began slowing down in the late 90's after my son was treated badly by the local elder body, and saw plenty of rank lying on the elder body.
But my head exploded with the child sex abuse policy scandal in 2002.
I decided I would get to the truth of the matter, no matter what it took. I did, and found out how despicable the governing body really is.
A great poster here, Just2Laws, PM'd me and told me I needed to chill. I was, like my ID here, pissed off no end. He told me to read, bide my time and fade slowly, just like jgnat recommended.
I went only to the book study for several years, and then they changed it to the hall, boring and of course, no coffee and cookies.
It has worked well for me. I do attend memorial for the sake of my elderly mother.
Only one person has asked why I don't go; I told him I was tired out.
It is the ONLY answer you should give an active witness. It works like a charm; they respect the answer. You really can't afford to be honest with them if you want association with extended family. They will feel obligated to turn you in.
You are fortunate; you have awakened and realized you are in a bad place.
But those who still attend are still sleeping; they don't want to hear anything that disturbs their closed up little world, trust me.
You also have to know that it will really really bother them that you don't go, since they probably consider you one of the smart ones.
You ARE one of the smart ones, since you are here now.
It is GREAT to have you here!
P
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LostGeneration
Two years ago, the last Memorial we attended, my wife busted out laughing during the talk.
Ha now thats funny! Too bad I wasnt in that audience, my apostate radar would have gone off and we could have all gone out for beers afterwards!