Hello star tiger.
My wife is similar to yours, in that she can never fully understand the effect that it still has on me, and that dispite 15 years on the outside.
That is why I joined this forum, which helps me to rationalise certain things ( relatives still in etc) and that in turn has helped with my wife. I can spout off here, instead of to her.
On the practical side, maybe certain books or videos which explain the effects of cults on people may help her to understand better.
Good luck with your struggle.
As others have said: you're not alone.
jlp