Temporarily tired of JW boyfriend. Should I: a) leave (page 3)

steve2

There's a very old Japanese story:

City man goes to country looking for a wife. He meets nice young girl. He entices her to join him in the city. She leaves the country and moves to the city and marries the man. She absolutely loves the city and it begins to change her in ways her husband had never anticipated. He begins to lose interest in the city and wants to take her some place new. However, she refuses to leave the city and the city man is forced to leave her behind. Worst of all he now has time to contemplate that a girlfriend who changed once has only proved that she could change again - in ways that might distress the man.

Translation:

Be ware of messing with people's brains. If you change your man this time, it only proves he can change - and that has a scary side: he potentially can change again - and in ways that you may not like.

Drop the JW boyfriend pronto and for God's sake, ditch the notion that you are responsible for freeing him from his bonds. With religious rubbish like that taking up valuable space in your brain, little wonder you are reduced to asking strangers what you should do.

Band on the Run

A thought just occurred to me. There were NO boyfriends and girlfriends when I was a Witness. Indeed, I clearly remember hearing that love was impossible at marriage, which was a major bummer for a young romantic girl. What business does he have romancing you, being attracted to you, when he has doors to knock. What KH elders are letting him date a non JW? This seems inauthentic to me.

When I was active, a couple might date for a month or two but very carefully chaperoned. Marriage was the outcome. And that was very frowned upon. My mother had to buy her own wedding ring b/c my Bethelite father saw no need for one. Their local KH shunned them because they married and the time was short. With A. coming next week or even this week, why waste time on another person? KNock on doors. Marriage was a very shameful thing.

I see JW dating sites. Never in my day. I was so interested in boys. Not more so than anyone else. I could not admit it. The only thing I could voice was to pioneer and marriage was dishonorable Celibacy was the rule. My married aunt said the most important she did with her life was not marry my beloved uncle. No, it was pioneering. She was ashamed she was married.

This is the heritage you will inheirit.

talesin

Steve, I like your way of thinking..

good stuff!

t

jeckle

Just curious not bagging on you or him, but how did you get a jw boyfriend being a nonjw that is ussually a no no. There must be more to this and this might be why you have held on or have thought about being able to free him. As for relationship issues it depends on a lot of other facts for me to say, but if your having doubts now i might agree with most to end it.Its noble to love and care and doesn't mean your bad to change your mind now especially now. I would ask myself what do i want for myself out of life where do you see yourself what kind of relationship do you want. Some people find each other as that one personeach want to be with and make it work and have that love that last forever. Some never find it. It still takes a lot of work and patience and days where your not so in love. I wonder and would like to ask someone who has had a lasting marriage or equivilent when they met was it love at 1st sight and or even so were there any doubts before getting more serious (marriage or equivilent)? But that's just my approach like to no my itinerary or as much as possible. But that's also because i've already wasted all my 20's in a cult and want to make the rest of my life count.Sounds cliche but get busy living or get busy dieing.

garyneal

I met my JW wife when she got tired of the 'truth' and decided to 'go out in the world' for a mate. She and I are compatible in many ways except one, religion. Six years into the marriage and one child later, she decided to return to the religion. She's torn. Deep down inside she wants to lead a 'normal' life. One that does not require her to eschew holiday celebrations as bad, but that darn religion of hers would not have it any other way. She would not accept another church's religious teachings on God and the Bible because to her the witnesses are the 'closest to the truth.' She does not permit herself the luxury to think for herself, that's bad and of the devil. She'd rather let the Watchtower Society do all the deep thinking for her, they are chosen by God and gosh darn it, they are the most researched people she's ever known (she says without attempting to verify this claim on her own). Hence my dilima.

I've advised her sister (who is now 'playing the field' in the 'world') and I should've done the same thing for one of her cousins who is doing the same thing. If you are going to be a witness, be a witness. Find a witness to be your partner, stay in the witness religion, stay out of the world. Trust me, most 'worldlies' do not want your religion taking over their lives. If you want your religion, then have your religion but if you marry a 'worldly' expect to do a lot of it alone or maybe with one or more of your kids, but never as a family even if the 'worldly' tags along. Some 'worldlies' may become witnesses, MOST WILL NOT and you are not doing them any favors allowing your religion to interfere with their lives and their (and your) kids lives.

For you, what do you want? If you want to be with this man, think of the implications of what his religion will do to you and your future kids. No holidays, no birthdays, unless you plan everything (and I mean everything). No holiday shopping with your honey buying Christmas gifts for the kiddos, no taking your honey with you to any holiday parties, and supporting him means having to endure hours of boring talks telling people how cheering for your favorite sports team is a mark of the beast.

Do you want this for yourself and your kids? He is not going to change unless he wants to change, it is not your responsibility to fix him.

nugget

ex jws and jws all come with varying degrees of baggage. It requires a high level of commitment to stick it out. If you love him most of the time but can contemplate letting him go then perhaps it is time to walk away from this relationship. If you walk away and your boyfriend can't live without you he will run after you on his own if not then you both have a chance of finding someone you both love all the time.

Black Sheep

It's not your duty to free anyone from any mind control group.

It is your duty to protect your children from them.

SEL

You guys are right. It's hard to love someone, at least romantically, when thinking about them only makes me anxious and stressed. I guess we can't be a couple when one of us is a JW, but I'm reluctant to do something drastic like cut off contact, which just seems cruel.

jeckle, when we met he was in the process of getting reinstated and kept his JW past a secret. Then when he thought he needed to bring it up, he invented this elaborate lie where a couple JWs knocked on his door and he started studying with them and thought it made sense.

EntirelyPossible

This depends. Are you hot? Do you like men that play golf, smoke cigars, drink scotch? If the answer to both is yes, ditch and let's talk about it.

james_woods

jeckle, when we met he was in the process of getting reinstated and kept his JW past a secret. Then when he thought he needed to bring it up, he invented this elaborate lie where a couple JWs knocked on his door and he started studying with them and thought it made sense.

Not very honest, not very sensible.

You also said before that he was working part time to devote time and energy to this religion. And yet, one of the cardinal rules is to not form romances with non-JWs - which he is willingly breaking.

Maybe you should face facts: It is very possible (very likely) that you are dealing with a fundamental lack of character here.

Temporarily tired of JW boyfriend. Should I: a) leave

Share this